


So Cold

by BLehnsherr, Mstrikout



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex, Charles wants to help, Comfort/Angst, Drama, Erik's dark past, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, I don't even know anymore, M/M, Murderer, Mutant Powers, Original Universe, Smoking, Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, no bad guys that want to destroy the world, non-explicit f/m sex, other mutants - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-07-27 07:13:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 83,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7608730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BLehnsherr/pseuds/BLehnsherr, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mstrikout/pseuds/Mstrikout
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years. It's been ten years since Charles had last seen Erik Lehnsherr. Ten years ago, they were both lost in pleasure, until Charles had fallen in love with Erik. Until he had told him so and Erik had left. Now, after so much time had passed, Charles finally got to see his love again. In prison, accused for murder. What had changed in ten years between them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Old friend

**Author's Note:**

> This is a roleplay between a friend of mine and myself.  
> -: We change the point of view (Charles/ Erik)  
> *: We change to the past/ present.  
> You'll get the drill of it easily! 
> 
> This is our second roleplay and we still experiment a lot with the best writing style, etc. 
> 
> We do not own the characters or universe. This story is set in the original movie universe, with few changings. All characters have their powers, but the storyline is changed massivly.  
> The story is not read by any beta, all mistakes are ours and we are sorry for that. 
> 
> If you want to, take your time and listen to the lyrics of the song from which we took our inspiration for the title.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ga94wVeFBac
> 
> We decided not to give any warnings for the story. However, we will put several warnings in the notes at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> Now, we really hope you enjoy Charles and Erik fluff, angst, drama!

“What’s your name?” - “Erik Lehnsherr” - “How old are you, Mr. Lehnsherr?” - “32” - “Do you know why you’re here?” - “Yes”.  
The last word hung in the air between them, a plastic table separating Erik from the other man. He looked scared, but Erik didn’t care.  
He had an unnerving feeling under his skin, being surrounded by things made only from plastic, missing the familiar hum of the metal. He knew what a withdraw from using his powers could do to him, but there was absolutely nothing he could do to change that, being in prison and all.  
He had never seen that other man before, and he looked intimidated by every little movement Erik did, he smiled to himself enjoying the fear.  
“I’ve been appointed by the estate as your lawyer” he continued, ignoring the fact that Erik had just said he knew what the man was doing there “My name is Azazel, and I’m here to help you, but you have to be honest with me, do you understand?”.  
Erik nodded but didn’t mean it at all. He could spend the rest of his life in there for all he cared, he had finished his mission and that’s all that mattered.“Did you, or did you not, kill a Sebastian Shaw?”  
He didn’t answer it, disconnecting from everything else the lawyer said after that. He tried getting Erik’s attention back, explaining how important this all was, but Erik didn’t trust this guy.  
He said he was a lawyer, but what if he was just trying to get a confession out of him? No, Erik wasn’t going to say anything. He was going to sit there quiet, already knowing that was exactly what he would do for the rest of his life inside his plastic prison.  
He saw the other man getting up and looked at him, focusing briefly “There’s no way to know exactly what happened, and since you won’t collaborate, the judge is going to appoint a specialist. I’m sorry Mr. Lehnsherr, but you’re leaving us with no other choice”.  
The lawyer left and five men came to fetch Erik and put him back inside his cubicle. He wondered for a second what he had meant with ‘specialist’, but soon he was already lying on his plastic bed, falling immediately asleep, his tiredness of months catching up to him.

-

Charles got the call around eleven in the morning. She usually never called from work, so he picked it up rather quickly.  
“Moira? Is everything alright?”, he asked with a worried tone. “Yes, yes. Everything is good”, her voice was heard from the speaker and Charles let out a breath he’d been holding.  
“Why are you calling?”, he asked, his hands roaming over the desk to find a piece of paper and a pen.  
“Would you mind dropping by? We have this case and really need a .. you”, she said and Charles chuckled.  
“Of course”, he answered, giving up his search for pen and paper. He didn’t need them anymore.  
Moira thanked him and told him the details where to meet.  
Twenty minutes later, Charles embraced her in his arms. “Hello”, he whispered against her hair and when they parted, he pulled her close once again to give her a small kiss. She still looked like 23, even though she was almost thirty now, only 2 years younger than Charles.  
They went inside and Charles was quickly told the background story. Two shots from a gun were heard by the witness and as soon as they stormed into the room, they had seen the dead body of a man called Shaw and another man - the suspect. The evidence was unclear though. No fingerprints on the weapon, nor any signs of the suspect using the gun. For all they knew, it could have been a suicide. If only the suspect would talk. And this is where Charles comes into the story.  
“Try and get him to talk, Charles. It makes the evidence more valuable”, Moira said, before opening the door to a cell made out of plastic.

-

Erik had been in the plastic chair once again, staring at the table and waiting. He didn’t know what he was waiting for though, and that made his skin burn with unease.  
When the door to the cell finally opened, he quickly snapped his eyes up, putting his best put out face, wanting to show that nothing was going to break him.  
His mask fell down the second he saw who was walking towards him and his heart skipped a beat like it hadn’t done in almost ten years.  
*  
He was at a bar close to Oxford. He had been following some leads that took him nowhere and found himself in need of a drink. Erik was waiting for the tequila shot he had just ordered, when he overheard the conversation playing out next to him.  
“I’m telling you, Raven, there are others out there with powers” Erik leaned in closer, trying to make sense of the words he was hearing “And now that I’m finally a professor, I’m opening a school for those who are gifted”.  
Raven and the guy kept talking, and Erik wasn’t naive to just stand there trying to figure out what they were talking about, because he knew what it was.  
He stood close to them, until Raven seemed to get tired of the conversation, claiming she just wanted to have fun for a night and going off to the improvised dance floor.  
The guy stayed at the bar though, nursing his drink, pensive and dreamy blue eyes planning his future. Erik drank his shot of tequila in one go and took the stool next to the guy “Erik Lehnsherr” he had purred, and the other man had looked up with a look that made his heart skip his first beat “Charles Xavier” he answered.  
*  
The man in front of him now, though, looked so much older and mature. His foolish young dreams and hopes seemed to have escaped him, but he also looked happy. Erik couldn’t quite believe he was there, but the surprise only lasted for a second, when he realised they had sent a telepath to get the truth out of him. Fuck.  
“What are you doing here, Charles?” he asked sounding like he was holding the world on his shoulders, repressing all the yearning that was crawling in his skin only upon seeing Charles’ face.

-

When Charles entered the room and saw who was sitting on the chair, he wanted nothing more than just stumble out of the door again. Moira was still behind him and everyone was expecting him to do this now, though. He took a deep breath and walked further inside the room, taking the seat across from Erik.  
The man on the other side of the table had barely changed in ten years; still the same face, the same indefinable blue-ish eyes, Charles used to love. His body was almost the same as well, even though the gray overall didn't do his muscles justice. Charles could only guess, that the sharky smile with crinkled nose was still the same, given that the other man looked very serious now. There was also something else in his eyes; longing?  
Charles gulped at his thoughts, already feeling way too uncomfortable. Before he could even open his mouth to answer Erik’s question, a man in suit and tie was sitting next to him.  
“You know my client?”, the man asked, obviously not sounding pleased about that fact. He must have been Erik’s lawyer.  
“Yes, but I haven't seen him in ten years and therefore my assessment won't be spoiled by any personal feelings. I can assure you, that it will be professional and reliable”, Charles answered, not leaving Erik’s eyes.  
He tried his best to mask all his feelings, folding his hands together on the table.  
“I am going to look into your head, Erik. Don't try to fight it, please”, he then answered Erik’s question, unfolding one of his hands and putting his fingers on his temple.  
Pictures were flashing through his mind, until he found the right memory and took a closer look.  
Erik was looking at Shaw and seemed furious. A gun was flying in the room, pointed at Shaw. Two shots and both, Shaw and the gun, fell to the ground. Charles felt Erik’s pain, his anger and also some kind of relief.  
When he let go of his temple, leaving Erik’s mind, all eyes were on him.  
“And? What did you see, mr Xavier?”, the lawyer asked curiously.  
*  
He didn’t know who that handsome guy next to him was, but Charles didn’t want him to leave. Another drink for them was quickly ordered and Charles gave him a smile, when Erik asked how he’d known what he usually drinks. “You have your secrets, I have mine”, he teased with a wink, slowly nipping on his glass. 

-

It took Erik a lot of talking and flirting until he could finally approach the subject he had in mind.  
‘I couldn’t help but hear you and your… Girlfriend earlier’ he started and was distracted by Charles licking his drink out of his bottom lip.  
‘My girlfriend?’ He asked with a teasing smile on his face ‘She’s not my girlfriend’. The answer was followed by a warm hand on his thigh and Erik felt shivers, the warmth spreading all over his body.  
He tried to concentrate on what he actually wanted there, but he had never seen such deep blue eyes or cherry red lips like those, and suddenly, he didn’t care about his mission, he didn’t remember about his powers or even his name anymore. His entire mind was fogged and he couldn’t focus in anything else past the desire curling around his heart, long eyelashes, silk hair and freckles.  
Erik shook his head to get rid of those feelings. He had an objective and being sidetracked was not an option. This Charles was a very dangerous man, Erik realized.  
He opened his mouth to ask about the school for the gifted, to reveal he had powers, anything, but the words that came out of there were not the ones he had planned ‘Are you seeing someone then?’

-

A smile spread across Charles’ lips as he saw Erik’s reaction to the move of his hand. This totally handsome man sitting next to him, was interested in him and he sure was going to take the chance.  
“I do not”, he answered honestly and moved his hand just a little bit up, before letting go of Erik’s thigh. “And you?”, he purred, turning his whole body more towards Erik.  
Charles took his drink again with the hand that he’d removed from Erik’s leg and put the straw between his lips. He sucked on it lightly, not breaking eye contact with the tall man next to him.  
It affected Erik clearly, making him gulp and lick his lips. His voice was hoarse when he answered, telling Charles that he wasn’t seeing someone either. 

-

Erik had to take a deep breath to calm himself down when he saw Charles sucking on his straw. The bar started feeling really hot and his pants felt like they were shrinking. Fuck, he needed a smoke.  
Erik pulled a cigarette and a lighter out of his leather jacket pocket, putting it on his mouth and covering around it, but just as he was about to light it up, the bartender stopped him “I’m sorry man, but you can’t smoke inside”.  
He put it down and looked at Charles charmingly “Care to take this outside?” he asked, giving him a rehearsed smile, aiming to seduce. He got up and threw some money on the counter, enough to pay for his and Charles’ bill. He turned around without waiting for the answer, but desperately hoping he was being followed.  
The chilly air of the street helped him calm down, and for a moment there he wondered what was he doing, but the thought escaped his mind as soon as Charles appeared next to him.  
Erik finally lit up his cigarette, putting it on his mouth and taking a drag. He held it inside and then threw his head back, letting the smoke go out slowly, his eyes fluttering shut when he felt his nerves settling down.  
“So-” he started “- I heard that you just became a professor?”.

-

Charles couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful, exposed neck from Erik, when he was exhaling the smoke. He wanted to kiss that neck, leave marks on it and on other parts of Erik’s body. Charles didn’t even care that the other man was a smoker; actually finding it quite hot to watch him. Suddenly, he imagined Erik blowing the smoke into his mouth and just the thought of it made him crave his first cigarette ever.  
He almost didn’t hear the question, too caught in his daydreams, but quickly shook them aside.  
“Yes, indeed. I was just celebrating with some friends of mine, actually”, he said, his voice almost shaky.  
“I was always quite interested in genetic mutation, seeing how humanity developed from hairy apes to handsome men like you.” The last part he finished with a little wink, his heart beating faster, even though he knew his game.  
Charles watched Erik taking another drag from his cigarette and blowing the smoke out once again, smiling at him.  
It was cold outside and Charles’ coat was still inside, but he didn’t want to cross his arms in front of his chest, afraid to give the wrong, closed up impression. Instead, he put both of his hands in his pockets and leaned against the brick wall, eyeing Erik. 

-

Erik chuckled at Charles’ comment. He knew how handsome he was, but he probably paled next to the other man and his piercing eyes.  
He moved to stand in front of him, the smoke from his cigarette dancing in the middle of them and hitting Charles on the face “Sorry” Erik said in a low voice and watched the other man’s parted lips, thinking of running his tongue there and then push it inside.  
“That sounds rather interesting, I’d like to hear more about it” he said, trying to coax more information out of Charles. He couldn’t just ask him without sounding like a stalker who was listening to his private conversation.  
Erik leaned forward, his hand on the brick wall, right next to Charles’ head, looking down at him, his gaze flickering between his eyes and his mouth. 

-

 

When he noticed Erik’s stare, Charles licked his lips unconsciously as they suddenly felt very dry. He wanted to kiss the man right there, but that would have been too intrusive, wouldn’t it?  
“I’ll tell you everything about it in the morning”, he joked and chuckled lightly. “No, but seriously; I could talk to you hours about this topic. Did you know, that mutation took us from single celled organisms to being the dominant form of reproductive life on this planet?”  
Genetics were Charles’ element, he immediately felt calmer talking about it, giving him his teasing smile back. 

-

Erik noticed at that moment how fascinated Charles was about the subject. And it made Erik fascinated too. As the other man talked, he could feel his breath ghosting on his mouth, and it made him want to let it all go and just kiss him against that wall.  
He suddenly wanted to learn more, to hear that gorgeous accent talking about it for hours with no end. And he would listen, he would pay attention and he would answer with equally smart retorts.  
“Yes, I did know that” he said, noticing how cloudy his voice sounded, the intensity of his desire taking over everything. He pulled away and took another drag from his cigarette, blowing it on the wind’s direction, trying to avoid letting it go to Charles’ face.  
He was smiling teasingly at him, and Erik wanted to say they should indeed talk about it in the morning. But that was not what he was there for. Was it?  
He took a deep calming breath before talking again “Do you think it’s possible that people developed certain… mutant abilities, professor?”

-

Charles was a bit startled by the question. Usually people just laugh when he talks about genetics, not understanding a single word he’s saying. Erik however, started asking him this specific question, making Charles frown. Was it possible that Erik knew more than he was willing to show?  
He slowly put his hand on his temple, not wanting to cause any confusion and started reading Erik’s mind. What he saw, was extraordinary. Erik was making a coin float around his fingers, without even touching it. The tall man in front of Charles certainly had powers too, making Charles glow in excitement.  
“Something tells me, you already know the answer to your question”, he breathed, looking from Erik’s eyes to his lips, being very distracted by those. 

-

Erik smiled openly at that, all his teeth showing. Charles had powers too, he knew it from the moment he heard the other man talking to Raven. He was trying to figure out what his powers were, it was still not obvious to him, but when Charles spoke he sounded sure of his words, like he knew.  
“Come here” Erik whispered throwing his cigarette at the ground.  
He used his power to pull Charles by his belt, their hips connecting, and their chests touching. It felt like fire was burning inside his lungs at their proximity and Erik tried reading Charles’ eyes, not knowing what he was seeing in there.  
Their mouths were so close together that when Erik spoke, their lips brushed against each other “Metal” he said. His voice was shaking and he wasn’t sure it was because of Charles or because he had never said those words to someone else “I can control metal”.

-

Charles barely registered the words coming from Erik’s lips, as he stared into his blue eyes - or were they gray? He didn’t care at that very moment, not being able to keep his eyes open anymore. When he felt Erik’s lips brushing against his while he was speaking, Charles was gone. His mind was foggy and all his senses screamed to kiss this man now. So Charles’ hands moved to touch Erik’s hips, tucking him in even closer if that was possible.  
The desire to kiss Erik was too strong and he couldn’t resist anymore, leaning in and pressing his lips against Erik’s. It was a marvelous sensation, making his body all tingly to feel Erik’s soft, warm lips against his. Charles could still taste the nicotine on Erik, giving the kiss an even more alluring passion.  
‘That’s an incredible gift’, Charles put that thought into Erik’s mind, while their lips were still moving against each other smoothly. 

-

Erik all but groaned in the kiss when he heard Charles’ voice inside his head. It was an extraordinary feeling and he felt this desperate need to touch the other man. He wanted to know Charles and be close to him.  
Erik’s hand found it’s way to the other man’s hair and it was even softer than he had imagined. He pulled it softly and Charles parted his mouth, Erik’s tongue quickly licking his bottom lip and moving on to explore that hot mouth offered to him.  
Erik had never felt this attracted to someone before, never desired a person that much and he had never, ever being kissed like that.  
Charles was all over him, the sensations all around his body making him aware of every little movement, every little thrust of hips.  
He was also very aware they were standing in the middle of the street, with many people passing by, coming in and out of the bar. He pulled away and asked with a husky voice “Will you tell me more in the morning?”.

-

Charles was very aware of the warm pool of arousal in his guts and he bit his lip, concentrating not to kiss Erik breathless again. His heart was pounding in his chest and he needed a moment to catch his breath.  
“I really like that idea”, he said, trying to put a teasing tone to it, but probably failing and sounding more needy than anything.  
He grabbed Erik’s hand and they both started walking into the bar again to get their coats.  
*  
He couldn’t believe that Erik was actually guilty of killing Shaw. Not him, not his Erik. He was mysterious and closed off, but he wasn’t a murderer. Charles didn’t want to believe that. Erik must have had a reason, something went wrong maybe?  
For the first time in his life, Charles didn’t believe what he saw in someone else’s mind.  
“He’s innocent”, Charles said, half lying. He was so sure that Erik was innocent, even though the other man must have pulled the trigger with his powers.  
Charles looked into Erik’s eyes when he said those words, seeing that they were leaking a bit of fear and then confusion. For every other person, Erik still looked the same, but Charles learned to read him almost to a perfection.  
Erik must have been innocent. He must.


	2. Welcome Home

Erik stared back at Charles’ eyes. That was interesting, Charles had lied for him. To help him.   
He was feeling so confused because of that. The other man had looked right inside his mind and Erik had let him see exactly what had happened that day. He did his best to hide his motive and his feelings, but he did not hide the truth. He had killed Shaw and it had felt good. Erik didn’t feel guilt or remorse, he only felt relieved and fulfilled.   
He didn’t expect things to turn out this way, though. He had anticipated a lifetime in prison, going mad without using his powers, and maybe, just maybe getting occasional visits from Charles, but that had been his only foolish hope. The only thing he knew it would never happen, and yet, here they were.   
Erik kept his mouth shut, and Azazel started talking. He didn’t even hear what the man was saying, because he was too busy watching as the woman who stood behind them, walked closer and placed her hand on Charles’ shoulder.   
It was pure extinct to feel jealous and angry at her for touching Charles, and he desperately seeked anything made from metal in there to just… Push her away. His feelings were out of control and he started to put himself together once again, already knowing it was too late to hide that lapse from Charles, but not wanting to give him the satisfaction of keep feeling like that.   
His hands though, they were twisting inside the handcuffs and under the table. They weren’t made from the fragile plastic like the other things and he soon felt his wrists getting bruised at how hard he was pulling, the pain grounding him again.   
He just had to get through this now, his fate so unsure in front of him, and then he would never have to see Charles again, he would never have to acknowledge the fact he still felt the same way about the other man even after ten years.  
“... I just need to speak to the judge then, and you’re free to go, Mr. Lehnsherr” Azazel said, and Erik just blinked at him, not knowing how to take that.   
Free to go? Where? And do what? He had completed what he had to with his life. He had no other purpose, no other objective, and clearly, he had no one. In the back of his mind, he was already considering his plastic prison home, and now, he was just lost. 

-

Had Charles really just lied for Erik? After all he did to him? Breaking his heart so many years ago, and yet he still felt it. Charles instantly felt guilty and looked up to Moira, who was smiling down at him.   
“Thank you, honey”, she said gently and Charles stood up from the chair, shaking her hand away from his shoulder with that movement.   
He didn’t know why, but he felt uncomfortable showing Erik how happy he was, when the other one just barely escapes prison. Charles was about to turn around and leave, but something made him stop. He saw the look on Erik’s face, seeing how lost he was.   
“Erik, um …”, he didn’t even know what to say. “Do you know where to go now?”, he then asked after hesitation. 

-

He was startled by the question, and opened his mouth to answer that yes, he knew where to go, and no he did not need Charles’ help for anything.  
But what was even the point in lying to him? Charles always saw past his lies, even when they stopped seeing each other, he had known Erik wasn’t telling the whole truth.  
And in any case, he could just go inside his mind and find the answer in there. Erik had made Charles promise years ago he wouldn’t read his mind without Erik’s permission but that was certainly gone now.   
He looked up, his eyes meeting the impossible blue ones, getting lost in it’s depth for a second there, and then he said with a shaky voice “I don’t”

-

Charles’ heart sank at the shaky voice from Erik and he couldn’t help but feel pity for him. He needed to protect his Erik, even after so many years.   
“Come with me. I have this big mansion, you know”, Charles offered, hoping that Erik would not be too proud to accept it. “We have enough rooms for you, until you can find something better”, he added after a few moments of hesitation from Erik’s side.   
Charles bit his lip, needing to know that Erik was save and did not end up on the street.   
Erik was still silent, obviously not knowing what to answer and Charles sighed in frustration. “Come on, Erik. At least stay over night, you can still leave tomorrow or any other day”, Charles said, almost begging for Erik to say yes.   
He pretended to not see Moira looking at him very confused and also didn’t look at the lawyer, who was more than confused. 

-

Erik’s heart was beating so loudly inside his chest and he didn’t know any words anymore.  
Charles was making it seem like it was this big favor for him if Erik decided to go to his mansion, like he wanted Erik to and he couldn’t find it in himself to say no, because he not only needed it, but he also wanted to go.  
And the way Charles was saying ‘Erik’ it was just… It was doing something to him. It had been so long since he last heard his name on that voice, that accent, and he remembered so well how it sounded when Charles was submerged in pleasure, the deep tone it got, the broken sobs of delight and the desperate scream of ‘Erik, please’ when he was just about to come.  
“I-” he started, not looking away for a second and trying to push away all those memories “Okay” - “Yeah?” - “Yeah”. Charles nodded at him, looking relieved and Erik felt grateful.  
The lawyer seemed to snap out of his confusion, and got up saying “I just need to make a phone call then. You can wait for Mr. Lehnsherr on the entrance, Mr. Xavier. He’ll get his clothes back and be discharged in the meanwhile”.  
Charles shook his head, and looked at Erik one more time before leaving. After that, he was escorted by only one man to a place where he could change to his own clothes. They were dirty and had a spot or two of blood in it, but it was definitely better than the gray overall.  
The other man pounded on the door, making him hurry up, and Erik realized he had an awful headache. So much was happening in such a short time, and he wasn’t sure if it was all real or just a dream. 

-

When Charles saw Erik exiting the last door, he smiled at him, more than happy that Erik accepted his invitation. Moira was standing next to him and she had insisted on taking his hand, grabbing it rather clingy.   
“Hey”, he greeted Erik when he was within earshot. “Are you ready to go home?”  
Charles immediately started blushing at his slip, wanting to apologise but also pretend it never happened.   
*  
When they stepped out of the bar again, this time with coats on, Charles rushed in the direction of the cab that was standing on the street in front of the bar. He was still very aroused and couldn’t wait to go to his place with Erik. He had quickly said goodbye to his friends, telling them that he wanted to talk with Erik alone. Everyone knew what was the real case and grinned at him, making him laugh nervously.   
“Come on”, Charles grinned at Erik when he reached the car and opened the door for him. “Let’s go home-.. I mean to my place”, he blushed. 

-

Erik smiled at how adorable Charles was when he blushed like that, and pulled him for another kiss. This one was just as intense as the first one, but it was slower, promising and almost sweet.   
The cab driver started yelling at them and Charles laughed breathlessly, a rich sound that went straight to Erik’s bloodstream and they went inside the cab together, their hands touching and their hearts full of expectation for what was about to happen.  
*  
Erik only nodded at the question, memories flooding his head and making it ache even more.  
His eyes were glued to where Charles’ hand met the other woman’s and he wondered who she was. A girlfriend? A wife? Probably the latter. Even though their relationship had always been casual, Charles had gone on and on about how he wanted a marriage, a family. Did they have kids? Well, she could give him that.  
Would Charles really let him get close to his family after he saw what Erik did? Wasn’t he scared? This was such a bad idea, he should have turned Charles down in the first place, but now it was too late, and he did need a place to stay.   
Erik made up his mind that he would leave as soon as he woke up the next morning. He could leave Charles a ‘thank you’ note and slip out before anyone else was awake. Yes. That was a good solid plan.  
He saw Charles’ fancy car, with his own private driver in the front seat waiting for them and once again regretted his decision. Charles opened the door for the backseat and let his wife in, he followed her after giving Erik a head shake, motioning he should go inside as well. And he did. Sitting next to Charles, feeling the warmth emanating from his body.

-

Erik seemed deep in thought when they drove back to Charles’ mansion that was now also the school for the gifted. He kept looking at Erik in the corner of his eye and studied the other man’s facial expression. Once again Erik seemed closed off and worried about something that Charles couldn’t point his finger on what it was. Probably the awkward girlfriend and ex situation.   
Charles didn’t regret inviting Erik over, since he had really missed him and wanted to catch up. In the back of his mind though, was a little voice that kept screaming ‘abort mission’.   
He knew, he still had lots of feelings for Erik the moment he walked passed the door and saw him. Charles would never cheat on Moira, but it would certainly cost all his nerves not to give in to the old love … if Erik even still wanted him, which was pretty unlikely.   
When the car pulled him the driveway and came to a stop, they all got out and went to the big door. Charles opened it and stepped inside.   
“It’s pretty much the same as it was before. Moira added her own little touch, though”, he explained, turning towards Erik and raising his arms to show him the lobby.   
Moira went past him towards the kitchen, but he didn’t care, just looking at Erik and waiting for a reaction. 

-

“I can see that” Erik said, with a tone he didn’t recognize. The wife - Moira he knew now - had indeed added her touch and the mansion wasn’t so familiar to him anymore.   
The wall where he had first pressed Charles against now had a few paintings of - Erik didn’t even know what. The small corner table where Erik had sat with his legs wrapped around Charles’ waist was filled with flower vases, and the hardwood floor where they had sex for the first time, not being able to even go past the hall, was now covered with a rug.   
To Erik, it felt like all their memories had been erased, or that they were just something he had invented. All a lie his brain had come up with to get him through the last ten years. He didn’t know why that bothered him so much, but it did.   
“I’m staying in my old bedroom?” he asked, instantly biting his tongue and hoping Charles would understand the question since his ‘old bedroom’ had barely even been used by him.  
“Yes, of course” Charles answered and Erik nodded, not knowing what to do next. He opened his mouth to ask if the other man was going to accompany him. He wanted to talk to Charles. He needed to know why he had lied, but Charles was looking in the direction Moira had gone to and Erik lost his nerve.  
“I guess I know the way then” he said starting to walk, but stopped right next to Charles, each one facing a different direction “If you want to talk, I-” he said with a vague hand gesture, and started walking again. 

-

Charles had suddenly felt really awkward and did not know what to do with him. All the feelings he had repressed from the police station until now, were floating in his body. He felt angry at Erik for leaving him all those years ago and he was hurt. Charles remembered their first night together and how wonderful he felt, loved. But that was an illusion, because Erik never loved him.   
Despite all those feelings towards Erik, Charles still turned around to watch him walk upstairs. They surely needed to talk, but Charles also needed to calm down and get his emotions under control.  
He walked into the kitchen where Moira was already planning dinner, which they usually cooked together. He hugged her from behind, as she stood behind the cooking island. His hands were around her waist and he kissed her cheek, feeling her smile immediately.   
“I was thinking chicken with stewed vegetables?”, she said, turning in Charles’ embrace and wrapping her arms around his neck.   
He kissed her quickly, before answering. “I’m sorry, but could you make dinner alone today? I really need to talk to Erik.” With that, her light mood disappeared and she frowned. “What’s wrong?”, Charles asked, obviously he said something wrong.  
“I don’t like the idea of having Lensherr at our home”, she confessed and they both let go of each other. “He is a criminal. I can feel that.”   
“I think, I’m the better person to evaluate who he is”, Charles answered in a serious voice. He knew Erik much longer and could also look into his head.   
“I know. But look, he was at the crime scene! Even if he didn’t pull the trigger, he was still there”, she argued.  
“He has nowhere to go, Moira! Don't be heartless”, Charles was getting angrier, but he didn’t want to shout because of Erik.  
“I am not and you know that way too well, Charles.” She turned around, obviously done with their fight, but Charles didn’t want to leave things like this.  
He wrapped his arms around Moira once again and rested his chin on her shoulder.   
“It’s only for a few nights. He is harmless, I promise. Besides, the house is so big, I am sure you will barely notice him.” His tone was soft and he kissed her jawline, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, until she finally gave in.   
She turned her head slightly and gave him a proper kiss and a few minutes later, they parted - both breathless.  
“I’ll make dinner if you promise that we continue this tonight”, she said and Charles grinned. “Of course. Thank you very much.”   
Charles kissed her one more time before letting go and finally went upstairs into Erik’s old room. He knocked twice before entering.  
“Hey”, he announced himself, seeing Erik sitting on the bed. “You wanted to talk?”

-

Erik got up from the bed, and faced Charles. The other man’s lips were redder and plush, and Erik felt a stab in his heart. It was irrational of him to feel heartbroken by the knowledge Charles had been just making out with someone else, but was still how he felt.   
*  
It had been almost a month since they met each other, and they both had gone out together several times, always ending up in Charles’ house or Erik’s hotel room, limbs sweaty and tangled in bed.   
This time though, Erik was at Charles’ mansion as a guest. The other man had invited him and many other people to talk about his plans for the school he wanted to open. He had served dinner for them all and showed them to their rooms, promising a weekend of important reunions and intense conversations.  
Erik didn’t know exactly why he was there. He was already too old for school and his powers weren’t out of his control, but nevertheless he was happy he had been invited. This project of Charles was fascinating and to him it was almost an honour to see it coming alive.  
He was standing in the middle of the room Charles had showed him to, and waiting for the other man to come back. When he finally did, he knocked on the door twice and then slipped in.  
“Hey, what do you want to talk about?” Erik asked curious, but as it turned out Charles didn’t want to talk about anything.  
As soon as the door was closed behind him, Charles had sprung forward, his arms wrapping around Erik’s neck and their mouths crashing together in a rough arousing kiss.   
*  
“Hm, yes” Erik said a little unsure, not knowing how to start that conversation. He was still feeling sidetracked by Charles’ swollen lips and the sudden desire to just strangle his wife.   
Charles walked a little closer and sat casually in bed, looking up at Erik, who sat next to him. He breathed deep, to still himself. The best thing he could do was be straightforward.   
“Why did you lie?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

-

Of course Erik would have asked the only question, Charles didn’t have an answer for. He just sat there, staring into Erik’s eyes as if the answer was hidden somewhere in them. His lips were parted a bit and Charles was sure, he never looked as dumb as he did right now.   
Why did he lie? Charles had seen the truth. He knew that Erik pulled the trigger, killed this man. And yet, he didn’t believe it.   
“Because you are a better man than that. I just simply did not want to believe what I saw”, he answered truthfully, still not breaking eye contact with Erik.   
“Why did you go?”, the question escaped his mouth before he could even think about it. He might sounded desperate and clingy now, but he didn’t care.   
“Why did you leave me all those years ago?” There was pain in his voice that Charles couldn’t seem to hide and he finally broke the eye contact.  
The answer was clear; Erik didn’t love him and left when he figured that Charles developed feelings. It was so clear to Charles since they broke up. Charles had been trying to form a real relationship with Erik and the other man had distant himself more with every move from Charles. It was obvious that Erik didn’t love him, but what Charles didn’t understand was, why he waited so long. Why did he have to wait until Charles confessed his love to him, only to leave the next day? How could anybody be that heartless?

-

Charles’ questions surprised him. He should be used to it by now, though. The other man had always startled him, with his words and his actions.   
He didn’t know what he should answer because he never thought they would have this conversation. He never actually believed he would see Charles again, not after leaving so abruptly.   
The pain in Charles’ voice made his stomach turn around and he wanted to just touch him, hug him, comfort him. Charles shouldn’t be in pain, not ever, but especially now when he had his new life, when he was building his family. But he guessed saying the truth now wouldn’t hurt. He already knew what Erik had done, it couldn’t get worse than that.   
“Because you were wrong. I’m not a good man, I never was” Charles looked up to him, a confused look in his eyes and Erik continued “I killed that man and I don’t regret it. I planned that for so many years. Even before meeting you, I knew what I was going to do. So I left because I didn’t want you to get involved. I didn’t want you to get sucked in my darkness, you didn’t deserve any of this, and I’m sorry you got involved now.” - “I don’t understand” Charles said shaking his head.  
“You were distracting me from my mission. You made me forget for a while who I was and what I had to do. But when you said-” he paused, voice breaking “- when you said you loved me it hit me. I never thought you felt the same way I was feeling, and hearing you say it just… made me think of how I was betraying the only other person who had ever loved me, I was betraying my mother because you made me want to be the better man you saw. And I couldn’t abandon my mission, but I didn’t want to drag you into it”.  
Erik got up from the bed, pacing in front of Charles. His head had hit a point where it was almost about to explode from the pain, and he felt so emotionally charged. Why were they talking about this? He was so sure what he was saying wasn’t even making sense to Charles. He didn’t know what his mission was, he didn’t know about his mother so he couldn’t possibly understand.   
Erik had to, he had to leave. He couldn’t forget, he couldn’t betray his mother like that. Even though he loved Charles so completely and deeply.  
“We shouldn’t be talking about this. It’s the past, you have your school now, you have your wife and the family you’ve always wanted, as it turns out, I made you a favor by leaving, didn’t I? I would have dragged you down with me, and I couldn’t do that no matter how much I lov- no matter what”.

-

Charles’ chest had shrunk at Erik’s words, until he was barely able to breathe. It hurt so much to know the reason for Erik disappearance after years of telling himself he just wasn’t loved back. Erik did have feelings for him.   
“How could you say that? I was feeling terrible for years after you left. Moira is my first girlfriend after… after what happened. Ten years and I wasn’t able to forget you”, he said, feeling anger and desperation bubbling up.   
Erik made himself look like the victim in their story. The poor guy who couldn’t help but leave the man he was with. Who was always doomed to complete his mission, even without getting the guy in the end. No one ever thought of the people that were left behind. How they were feeling when the love of their life suddenly just left them with no explanation.  
“Do you think I-”, Erik began to say, but Charles didn’t want to hear it.   
He sprung up and grabbed Erik by his shirt, pulling him closer to look him in the eyes and shout. “You abandoned me!” 

-

“Tell me something, Charles” he said, putting a cold twist to his voice to see if he could get through Charles’ head “If you had to do something awful, something you knew it would break me, would you have stayed?”.  
Erik reached inside his pocket and picked one of the few belongings he had. He held Charles’ hand that was twisted in his shirt and put it there, making him let go. “I didn’t deal with it the best way, but if I had talked to you before, I would have lost my nerve and I would have stayed. I never forgot you, I even had this silly idea that you would visit me in prison someday” he said motioning to Charles’ picture he carried everywhere.  
It was fading and full of wrinkles because it had gone through a lot just like Erik. But he never left it behind.   
Charles looked down at the picture in his hand, and then Erik said with a soft voice what was long overdue “I’m sorry”.  
Erik knew he couldn’t change the past, and he knew his relationship with Charles was beyond repair, but he was indeed sorry for leaving that way, and he felt terrible knowing how bad it had been for Charles. 

-

*  
[Charles Xavier]  
Hey! would you like to come by the bar for a drink?

Charles had sent that message over an hour ago and still didn’t get an answer. He was wondering where Erik was, since they usually told each other when they had plans. It had established, that they would meet at either Charles’ or Erik's place and sleep together for most of their weeks. They didn’t stay the night and also didn’t share any other public affection. It was the good old ‘friends with benefits’ situation. Charles didn’t like it.   
The moment Erik had left on their first night together, he had known that he was gone for this man. Charles wanted more - an actual relationship. Maybe Erik just needed some time to see that?  
His phone beeped and he quickly unlocked it to look at the screen. 

[Erik Lehnsherr]  
I am sorry. Just got home from the gym. Way too exhausted now. 

Charles was disappointed to say the least. Erik didn’t even offer another day, making it feel much more like a rejection. 

[Charles Xavier]  
Of course. Have a good night!

He hit send and put the phone somewhere it would not mock him. Besides, he was almost sure that Erik wouldn’t text him back anyway.   
*  
“Me too”, Charles answered, before giving Erik the picture back. Somehow it felt like Charles wasn’t apologising for the past but more for the present situation.   
“Dinner is probably ready now. I hope you are hungry”, he then continued, not looking at Erik anymore.   
With that, Charles left the room and found himself in the bathroom, spilling water into his too warm face.   
‘Abort mission’, he heard the small voice in his head again and sighed in frustration.


	3. Is it me you're walking away from?

Erik put Charles’ picture on his nightstand along with his wallet. It was all he had.   
He sat on the bed, his hands closed and pressed against his eyes, making him see red. God, what a mess. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want these heavy conversations where Charles would just blame him, never beginning to understand how Erik felt, why Erik had to leave.  
He wasn’t expecting to be forgiven because he had always known there was no way to forgive that. If it had been the other way around, he probably wouldn’t want to forgive Charles either, but he would. He would without blinking an eye.   
Erik lay down in bed and thought as loudly as he could “Not hungry. Apologize to your girlfriend”. He knew Charles would hear him, he always did.   
He started playing out their conversation in his head, only now actually realising Charles wasn’t married to Moira. But it certainly looked like it.   
*  
It had been a week since he last spoke to Charles. They had exchanged a few texts where Erik had brushed the other man off because he was trying his best to keep his distance from Charles, but right now he just missed him so much.  
He found himself standing in front of Charles’ mansion, ringing the bell. He didn’t think the other man would open the door, but he did, and when he saw Erik he gave him the most breathtaking smile ever.   
Erik couldn’t help but smile back, and he immediately sprung forward catching Charles by the waist and lifting him up for a kiss.   
They quickly fell into bed, with clumsy messy kisses, lazy movements and low moans. Later, when they were out of breath and with burning lungs, Charles asked “Will you stay the night?” - “I’m sorry but I can’t” his heart broke when he saw the expression on the other man’s face and he stopped in the middle of looking for his clothes “We have an arrangement, Charles. Don’t make me feel bad”.  
Ten minutes later Erik walked out the door, feeling like he was leaving his heart behind, but knowing there was no way he could start a relationship.  
*  
Erik sighed frustrated. Being here brought so many memories back and he just wanted them all to go away. He wanted to go away from there, he couldn’t spend much time inside that mansion. Not without feeling overwhelmed, not without eventually breaking down crying and finally mourning his mother, mourning the loss of Charles, mourning his innocence.  
He made up his mind to go to the bank first thing in the morning and figure out how fast they could unfreeze his account so he could at least afford a hotel far from Charles and his girlfriend. 

-

After a rather silent dinner from Charles side, Moira went for the dishes and Charles into the dressing room. He picked out a few clothes for Erik, since his were dirty. Charles was a lot shorter than erik, but he hoped the jeans would still fit. He also grabbed two comfortable pants for Erik to sleep in and underwear. On his way to Erik’s room, Charles got a fresh towel as well and then knocked twice on the door before entering.   
“Here are some clothes for tonight and tomorrow. I even found a turtle neck, I hope you still like to wear those”, Charles said and put the pile of clothes on a chair next to the bed. “Towel and there is also some leftover food in the fridge, if you get hungry later.” Charles handed Erik the towel and then looked questioning at him.   
“Do you need anything else?”

-  
Erik looked at the clothes on the chair and the towel on his hand, before speaking “Thank you” he said, trying to show with his eyes he was thankful not only for the clothes but also for the rescue.   
“I don’t need anything else, but you should know I’m going to the bank in the morning”. Charles nodded and then asked “How are you planning on getting there?” - “Walking” he answered with a frown “That’s nonsense, my driver will be happy to take you” - “There’s no need” - “You’re not walking all that distance when I have a car”.  
Charles spoke with a tone for no discussion, and Erik knew it was probably how he talked to his students. “Okay, thank you” he answered.  
Erik’s stomach grumbled right at that moment, and he ignored it. “Do you need anything else?” he asked in a feeble attempt to distract the other man, and Charles let himself be distracted “No, I’ll leave you to it” he said already getting out of the room, but when he reached the door he turned around again “Food is on the fridge” he repeated.   
Erik nodded silently and got up still holding the towel and heading towards his bedroom’s bathroom.   
He showered slowly, enjoying the feeling of the water relaxing his muscles and doing his best to repress every little memory of him and Charles showering together at that same house.  
When he got out of there, he dried himself and put on the underwear, ignoring the fact it belonged to the other man.  
He picked one of the pants that was very comfortable but a little short to him, and decided to put no shirt at all, since it was one rare warm night and the shirts seemed too hot.  
Erik reached out with his powers to find out the cutlery that was being washed just when he walked inside the bathroom, now rested drying. The kitchen was finally empty and he ventured outside his bedroom, stomach wild with hunger. 

-

When Charles finally settled into bed with Moira, she cuddled herself up to his chest. Her small hand was caressing his chest and Charles caught himself wishing it was a bigger, firm hand.  
“You promised something, honey”, she whispered into his ear and started kissing his neck.   
They made love that night, but Charles thoughts were somewhere else, reliving times that had long passed.  
*  
It was one of those rare nights when Erik stayed in bed a little longer, too exhausted to move a muscle. They were having this little arrangement for quite a while now, almost five months. Charles friends knew about them, but he had only made the mistake once to introduce Erik as his boyfriend. ‘I am not up for commitment, Charles’ - ‘I know.’ - ‘Then stop pretending something that isn't there.’ - ‘yes.’   
Through their time, they have settled for friends, even though they barely did something that friends would do. Sometimes Erik would join Charles and his other friends in the bar but that was about it. Whenever they met, it was about fucking.  
That's why Charles learned to cherish these nights, when he got to look at Erik a little longer, having even a little conversation.  
“Where are you from?”, he broke the silence, catching Erik’s attention. His head turned to look at him.  
“What?” - “Your accent is.. different. That's why I was asking where you come from?”, Charles explained and asked again, biting his lip in hope he didn’t cross the line.

-

Erik stared at Charles for a while, not wanting to reveal anything about himself. The less the other man knew, the less attached he would become. And Erik couldn’t have Charles falling in love with him, because he knew he would break the other man’s heart the same way his heart was already broken knowing all that.  
But it was just a simple innocent question, and he couldn’t deny Charles that “I’m from Germany” he said and then asked “Is it good different or bad different?” teasingly, getting closer and nuzzling the other boy’s neck “Definitely good” he answered with a smile on his face.  
Erik placed small kisses in the bare skin of Charles’ shoulder. He wanted to ask where he was from, but he didn’t. He couldn’t know details about Charles’ life, otherwise he would be forever lost. He didn’t want to leave yet, so he chased the other man’s mouth with his own and kissed him passionately, putting all the feelings he couldn’t speak of, into that kiss.   
*  
Erik woke up rather early the next morning. He was used to it, looking for Shaw for so many years had deprived him of sleep enough that he always woke up this early.  
He got out of bed and changed into the jeans pant Charles had gotten him. It fitted almost perfectly, being a little too tight for his taste, but he wasn’t going to complain. Then he put on the turtleneck with a smile, thankful for something that was always a constant in his life.   
Erik left his bedroom and went to the kitchen to look for something to eat before leaving. There was only cereal and he frowned. Wasn’t this a school? Where was the food for the students? Or better yet, where were the students?  
He didn’t know exactly what day it was because he was tracking Shaw for many months now - turns out his lead got him exactly where he was supposed to have been ten years ago, if he wasn’t so distracted with Charles - but if he thought about it, it was probably already vacations time, which would explain the lack of students.   
Erik decided to cook breakfast, maybe it was a nice way to say thank you. He made enough pancakes for three, a little put out for cooking for Charles’ girlfriend, but not wanting to be rude.   
He put whipped cream on top of Charles’ with the strawberries he found in the fridge, and left Moiras’ with nothing, not knowing what she liked.  
Then, Erik sat down and ate his by himself. It had the same toppings as Charles’ and even though he hadn’t cooked in a very long time, it tasted delicious. When he was done, he washed his plate and left the mansion, heading to the bank.

-

Charles woke up before Moira and decided to let her sleep for a while, given that it was Saturday morning and her week had been more than stressful. Tired, stretching and yawning and with bare feet, Charles made his way into the kitchen. He’d put on a shirt and dark blue pants rather quickly, because his stomach grumbled.   
When he went into the kitchen, he saw the pancakes and smiled, his heart filling with warmth.   
*  
When Erik answered Charles’ question, it had been the trigger for a longer conversation. They talked about everything and nothing; not too personal on Erik’s side, but Charles had told him his life. They laughed and caressed each other, until they fell asleep.   
The next morning Charles woke up and found himself alone in the bed. His heart sank immediately at the thought of Erik leaving him in the night. Charles didn’t even want to get up, missing the comfortable warmth of the other man next to him already. They were on such good terms when they fell asleep. Charles was almost sure Erik was about to commit to something more.   
After ten minutes of just staring at the ceiling, Charles finally decided to get up, needing to use the toilet.   
When he got out of the bathroom, he hesitated for a moment if he should just go back to bed, but decided against it. With bare feet and still just dressed in his underwear, he made his way towards the kitchen.   
Erik was standing in the kitchen, fully dressed but with a towel swung over his shoulder and the back to the door. He was currently making pancakes and it was the most beautiful sight Charles ever got to see.   
“Good morning”, he whispered, startled that the other man didn’t leave him yet.   
He had stayed the night. 

-

Erik turned around, not letting go of the pan and the spatula “Good morning” he said with one of his rare natural smiles. It wasn’t so rare around Charles anymore, though.  
The other man was standing at the door, his eyes wide and his mouth half opened “Well? Aren’t you going to kiss me? I did make breakfast” he said trying to lighten up the meaning of him staying.  
He didn’t mean to stay the night. He didn’t mean to have a long conversation with Charles, learning so much about the other man and hiding so much of himself. He wished he could have talked more, telling Charles his whole life story, but only hearing the other man had been enough.   
He got closer to Erik, his arms immediately going around his waist, like they belonged there, and kissed him in the weird angle. “Is it okay that I used the shower?” Erik asked against Charles’ lips and the other one smiled, nodding.   
He turned around again, turning off the stove and putting the last pancake on the plate “I hope you like them” he said “What do you want on top of yours?” - “Whipped cream” - “So healthy” - “Fine, strawberries then”.  
Erik smiled his sharky smile and put both things on their pancakes, placing the plates on the table and sitting down. Charles sat next to him, his leg touching Erik’s and kissed him one more time before picking up a fork and starting to eat.

-  
Charles couldn’t believe his luck, glancing at this handsome, tall man sitting next to him. He had so strong feelings for Erik and the domestic morning breakfast encouraged them even more.   
He decided to use the chance and Erik’s good mood to ask him a question that had been lying on the tip of his tongue for days now. “So, would you like to come to my birthday on Saturday? I wanted to celebrate with friends and would like it very much if you’d join us.” He blushed, hoping Erik wouldn’t close off again.

-

“I’m not sure” Erik said and quickly regretted it, seeing Charles’ happy face fall down. He looked down at his plate and started playing with the food, saying a small “Okay” and sounding so very sad.  
Erik really shouldn’t go, but what was the harm? Charles had just said he wanted to celebrate with friends, he didn’t say anything else that implicated he would introduce Erik as his boyfriend once more.  
He just wanted to see the other man smile again, not wanting to ruin the happy mood of their breakfast.“I mean, I have a thing on saturday, but I could drop by for at least an hour or two” he then said, bumping his knee on Charles’ hoping to have cheered him up.

-

Charles knew Erik was lying, but still tried to force a smile on his face. At least Erik said he would show up on Charles’ birthday, even though it was out of pity.  
“Thanks. You don’t even need to bring a present. Having you there is good enough for me”, he said and kissed Erik’s cheek rather quickly.  
Then he got up and took their finished plates, putting them into the dishwasher.   
“What do you want to do now? We could watch a movie together”, he suggested, feeling lucky today.

-

“Okay” Erik said giving in. He had already spent the night, cooked them breakfast and agreed to show up to Charles’ birthday. Watching a movie was the harmless of them all.   
They settled together in the living room, on the huge couch. Charles sat not so close from Erik after he started a random movie, and Erik’s skin felt weird with the distance.  
“Come here” he asked two minutes in the movie, opening his arms and inviting the other man. Charles smiled softly at him, and rested on his chest. Erik’s arm was around Charles’ shoulders, and the other man’s hand was making doodles on his shirt, making him shiver. It was hard to focus on the movie after that, but they did. Their proximity felt just as good as having sex, and Erik concluded once again the being around Charles was indeed dangerous. He had fallen so hard for the other man and he didn’t even see it coming. It just hit him like a punch to the gut.  
Once the movie was over, Erik said he had to take care of a few business, and kissed Charles breathlessly goodbye, promising to meet him again on saturday.

 

-

*  
Charles sat down in the chair after getting a hot cup of tea, digging into the pancakes. They tasted as good as ten years ago and Charles couldn’t believe Erik actually remembered.   
When he was halfway through the food, Moira showed up in the door and smiled at him. “Morning. You made pancakes?”  
“Erik made them”, Charles corrected as she sat down next to him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.   
“Oh? Where is he?” - “Probably at the bank. I offered him our driver, but he was always too pride for that.”  
“Mhmm okay”, Moira answered and started eating her pancakes. “They are actually quite good.”  
“What did you expect?” - “I don’t know”, she shrugged and chuckled a bit. 

-

Erik came back from the bank feeling frustrated. It would take at least two more weeks for his account to be working normally again and until then he wouldn’t have access to his money. What kind of bulshit was that?  
He was just about to go upstairs to his room when he heard noises coming from the kitchen, and decided to go let Charles know he was back, and maybe even ask if he liked the pancakes.  
When he got there though, he was greeted with Charles and Moira making out by the table. He felt his heart sank and the pain was so strong he thought he was probably having a stroke and dying at that very moment. Charles must have felt his presence because he stopped kissing her and looked right at Erik’s eyes, with a terrified expression on his face. Moira had her back to him, so she didn’t know he was standing right there and continued to kiss Charles’ neck murmuring “Let’s go back to bed now, I want a repeat of last night”.  
Erik immediately turned around, having intruded their moment for too long, seeing and hearing more than he had wanted to. It served him well to know Charles loved someone else now. She seemed like a nice person, someone who would stay by his side all times. Not leave him without an explanation.  
He went inside his room and closed the door, his breathing faster than normal, coming in and going out, but at the same time feeling like he wasn’t breathing at all. Fuck, he needed to leave that place.

-

Charles pushed Moira gently away after seeing Erik walking away. He felt guilty for no reason.   
“What’s wrong?”, she asked, not wanting to stop.  
“I’m too tired and I heard Erik coming back. Let's keep these things for the nights for now okay?”, he said and she pouted. “Okay then.”  
“I’m gonna go and say good morning.” Moira nodded and Charles went to Erik’s room.  
“Erik? Can I come in?”, he asked, knocking twice and entering anyway. “Hi. Thank you for the pancakes.” He gave the other man a smile, but kept staying in the doorway.   
When Erik just smiled as an answer and the silence almost about to turn awkward, Charles continued. “How was the bank?”

-

“Unproductive” Erik answered entering his business mode. If he kept himself distant, and only inside his room he wouldn’t have to witness such things as he just did, and he wouldn’t get wrapped up around Charles again. Not more than he had always been anyway.  
“It will take long for my account to be functioning normally again” he said avoiding Charles’ eyes “But I’ll be out of here before”.  
Erik turned around and pretended to be interested in the papers he had brought back from the bank. He didn’t keep it up for not even a minute though, putting them down and saying “I’m sorry I interrupted you at the kitchen”, his voice unrecognizable to himself. He had never felt this way before. Charles was the only person he had ever loved, and during their short time together, he had never had to feel jealous. Or to accept his loved one belonged to someone else.  
He put the papers up again and started to read them, not actually acknowledging the words there, being only aware of Charles’ presence and nothing else.

-

“You can stay those two weeks, Erik. You are bothering no one here. Hell, we usually put up with about 200 students, I think one adult is no problem”, Charles said and meant it.  
He didn’t want Erik to leave again, even though it might.made him look selfish. He wanted Erik to be his again.   
‘his again’, he thought with a bitter taste on his tongue. Charles needed to finally admit to himself that Erik had never been his.  
*  
It was Saturday night, music was playing and people were chatting, dancing and drinking. The whole mansion was full, but Charles was missing one person. Erik didn’t show up yet and Charles was getting worried that he had forgotten.   
“Hey professor”, Raven said and refilled his drink. “Don’t pout on your birthday.” She tried cheering him up, but nothing could do that right now apart from Erik.

-

Erik was standing in front of Charles’ mansion. It was a chilly night and he was rubbing his hands together, trying to make them warm.  
The house seemed full and that was an accomplishment seeing how huge it was. The music was loud and he watched as the guests started getting drunk, because Erik had gotten that earlier than he said he would, but had lost almost an hour just standing there.  
He felt nervous knowing he shouldn’t be there, but wanting it more than anything, so he paced in front of the big open doors and pulled out a cigarette to calm himself down. He smoked half of it, and threw it on the ground, stepping on it to put it out.  
Then, Erik entered the mansion and started to look for Charles. It took him around ten minutes to finally find the other man, and he stood there across the room, watching him with piercing eyes and noticing how sad he looked. He was already screwing it all up, wasn’t he? He was making up his mind to leave, but then Charles looked at his direction and their eyes met.

-

His stomach did a proud turn, filled with butterflies and other shit, when he saw Erik. The other man was looking good, dressed in dark clothes that were showing the shape of his body and muscles perfectly.  
Charles immediately started smile and walking towards Erik.  
“You’ve made it”, he said and couldn't hide how happy he was about that.  
Everyone was still dancing and chatting around them, but for Charles only Erik existed in that very moment. He grabbed his shirt and pulled him closed. When their lips crushed together rather uncoordinated, Charles didn’t care. He loved feeling Erik’s lips on his.

-  
Erik kissed back putting as much on the kiss as Charles was putting. Their mouths were fighting a battle none of them would actually win, and he felt happy being there.   
They parted from the kiss and Erik said with a shaky voice “I did promise I would come, didn’t I?”.  
Charles smiled at him, and he thought that his smile could keep him going for months without food or sleep, even without air, because it was such a beautiful sight, it made him feel full.  
“C’mon, let’s get me a drink and then have some fun” he said pulling Charles by the hand.  
*  
“It must be tiring for you and Moira to take care of 200 students. I wouldn’t want to impose on your vacations. I mean it, Charles” he said with a bitter tone.  
Erik didn’t miss the fact that every time the other man talked about something, Moira was involved. He used ‘we’ for everything, and Erik was seeing just how serious their relationship was. He was also seeing how much it hurt. He never tried to fool himself thinking he had gotten over the other man, but he thought he was at least numb to all of this by now. He was wrong.   
“I’ll go as soon as I find somewhere, but it can take another week”.

-

“You would never impose an anything, Erik”, Charles said in a soft voice and looking gently at him.  
He finally walked closer to Erik, until he was standing right in front of him.   
“I mean it, Erik. Please stay”, he almost begged and looked at him pleadingly.  
*  
People got drunk rather quickly and Charles was also coming to his end of the line. He didn’t want to have a hangover in the morning - or worse; throw up.  
Erik had been with him almost all night, not knowing the people. Half an hour ago, Charles had lost him though. People started talking to him and when Erik told him, he just wanted to get another drink, he never appeared again. Charles searched all the rooms and suddenly he saw him in the main area. He was talking to a girl, who was obviously flirting with him. Jealousy started rising in Charles and he made his way towards them. The girl had her hand on Erik’s shoulder and was laughing at something.  
“Hey Erik. I’ve been looking for you”, Charles said and put a hand around Erik’s waist, silently telling the girl to piss off.  
He knew, he had no right to, since Erik and him were just friends with benefits, but he wouldn’t let hlm flirt with somebody else on his birthday. Besides, Charles was already drunk and didn’t really see the difference between what they were and actual boyfriends.

-

Erik wasn’t sure how to react to Charles’ possessive manner. He had his arm around his waist and was eyeing the girl - Erik didn’t even know her name - like he could punch her.  
‘Yeah, I went to get a drink but got caught up in a conversation here’ he said ‘I see. And what are you guys talking about?’.  
‘I was just telling Erik what strong arms he have’ she said sounding a little drunk ‘Yeah, he can pick you up in the middle of a make out session easily’ Charles said from his own experience.  
‘Can he?’ she purred, her fingers running down from Erik’s shoulder to his elbow ‘Totally. He just did that to me earlier today’ Charles lied, his grip on Erik’s waist getting just a little tighter.   
Erik rolled his eyes at the conversation playing out in front of him and realised he was barely needed there. He got himself out of Charles’ embrace and started walking out of the mansion. He needed to get some fresh air and smoke again.   
He wasn’t mad about that. It felt good to have someone caring about him to the point of feeling jealous and protective, and he was also drunk enough not to worry about all those other obstacles at that moment.  
He felt a hand on his shoulder just as he walked out the door and turned around a little startled ‘Please stay’ Charles said, his blue eyes sad and pleading. Erik wasn’t planning to leave in the first place, and even if he were he couldn’t have refused any request Charles did at that moment.   
‘I just need to smoke. Come with me’ he had said while casually putting his arm around Charles’ shoulder and pulling him to a bench on the garden.  
*  
Charles’ words rang on Erik’s ears, it was not the first time the other man had asked him that, but this time the answer was so different.  
‘I can’t, Charles’ he said, his voice begging him to drop the subject or at least understand.   
‘Why? Don’t be so proud, Erik. I’m asking you to stay’ - ‘I can’t, I won’t’ - ‘Would you at least tell me why?’   
Erik threw the papers he was holding on the nightstand and ran his hand through his hair.  
‘Because I don’t want to, ok? I don’t want to see you and your girlfriend making out and being happy. I don’t need you to rub your love in my face and you just don’t understand. So please, just let me go, you don’t know how it feels’ he burst out and at the same time wished he could take it back. What was it about Charles that made him lose his composure and sound like a 15 year old adolescent in love?

-

He was so close to just grabbing Erik and kissing him breathless. Charles’ heart was pounding against his chest.   
“I do know how it feels”, he whispered and wrapped his arms around Erik, pulling him into a tight hug.  
He hid his face into the crook of Erik's neck and smiled, as he recognised the scent. His chest was pressed against Erik’s, making his heart beat faster.  
“Please don’t leave me. I just got you back”, he whispered against Erik’s skin.   
Charles needed Erik just as much as he needed him ten years ago. And again he was being selfish.

-

Erik sighed in defeat. He had tried so hard to be selfless the first time around, to sacrifice his only chance of happiness so Charles wouldn’t get involved in what he had to do.  
And this time, the selfish thing for him to do was to leave. He wanted to leave again so much. He wanted to put as much distance from Charles and Moira as he could. He didn’t want to see them together or hear about them.   
The selfless thing to do was to stay. No matter how much it teared him apart, no matter how much it would hurt, he could not say no to Charles. Not when he was talking like that, not when their bodies were so close together he could practically feel Charles’ heartbeat against his chest.  
He slowly lifted his arms and wrapped them around Charles’ shoulders, his chin resting on the top of the other man’s head.  
It felt so familiar and so amazing. It was like Erik’s skin had been waiting for that one moment there for the last ten years.  
‘I won’t leave you’ he said, his voice shaky. He buried his nose on Charles’ hair and breathed in his scent. It was the same as always but now… Now it had a hint of a woman’s perfume. The kind of smell that would get there after a night together, after he would bury his head on her neck while they were having sex and then shared a pillow.  
He broke away from the hug rather abruptly, his heart three times smaller and Charles looked at him with confusing eyes, full of hurt.  
‘I’m sorry you just… You smell like her and I-’ he ran his hand through his hair once again and turned around, saying ‘God, this is going to hurt’ more to himself than to Charles. He wanted to leave so bad. But he didn’t have it in him to let go of Charles again.


	4. All I Want

Charles didn't know what to do. He wanted Erik to stay so badly, but it ached him to see the other man in pain. It wasn't fair to both - Erik and Moira. He hadn't told her the truth about Erik's and his past and since Erik apparently still wanted Charles, Moira might need to have a saying in this. As for Erik, he didn't know what to do at all. He couldn't force him to stay here, but he wasn't even thinking about trying again with him either. The pain was still present from the last time, so his trust towards the other boy was about zero. Charles also had Moira and he loved her - he truly did!

'Just not as much as Erik', the voice in his head whispered and Charles really wanted it to shut up.

"I try not to act on anything with Moira and you around at the same time, okay?" It was such a lame promise, but Charles couldn't even begin to understand how complicated the situation was.

*

It was cold outside and Charles rubbed his hands against each other, before wrapping his whole arms around his shaking body.

"And this is why I don't smoke", he said, voice shaky.

He watched Erik lighting up his cigarette and taking his first drag, slightly chuckling at Charles' comment.

Charles knew, he had overreacted in there and was a bit afraid of the consequences now since the fresh air had sobered up his mind a bit.

"I'm sorry for my behaviour", he quickly apologized, hoping Erik didn't take it that seriously.

-

'You don't need to apologize' Erik said, putting his free hand around Charles' shoulder and bringing him closer, trying to warm him up a little.

'I don't?' Charles asked looking up through his eyelashes. Erik took another drag out of his cigarette and shook his head at Charles 'You don't'.

He shouldn't indulge the other man like this. 'I don't want to commit, Charles. But I also don't want to sleep around. For now I just want to be with you'. He said, rubbing his hand up and down the other man's arm.

He had to say it even if it might hurt Charles. He needed to remind him this wasn't serious and could never be. Even though he really wanted to. But he also couldn't help but add that last part, that small shred of hope that would keep Charles' spirit up on his birthday.

'I have a… Surprise for you' he finally said 'Well it's not much of a surprise, you are rather used to it but hm… I changed my hotel room for the day and got us a big suite. You know, that one with chocolates on the pillows and all that crap, so we could celebrate'.

He knew he sounded stupid and rather nervous. He had done that out of an impulse, just thinking of how Charles would smile when he knew. He didn't even think of the harm it could do at the end, he just needed to see Charles happy.

-

All Charles have heard from Erik's little speech, was the part about just wanting to be with him for now. It had made him happier than any present could have and he shot Erik a dazzling smile. It grew even more, when Erik mentioned the part with the hotel suite. Did he really do all that for Charles?

"Oh Erik that seems wonderful", he grinned and couldn't resist not pressing his lips onto Erik's anymore. "Thank you", he whispered against his lips, once they had parted again.

"How about we go now and come back later?", he said suggestively with a teasing smile. Charles looked at Erik from beneath his lashes, knowing it drove the other man insane every time. His hands were lying on his chest and he followed the lines of Erik's muscles.

When he leaned in again and their lips brushed against each other, it was a rather gentle kiss, that soon got more passionate and left them breathless when they pulled away.

-

Erik was out of breath and rather aroused already, but he wasn't a teenager anymore and could control himself.

'I'm not going anywhere, dear' he said and kissed the corner of Charles' mouth. 'Go entertain your guests and when the party is done we can go together. We can spend the whole day in bed tomorrow if you want'

He shot Charles his most beautiful smile and got lost inside his eyes for a minute. He leaned in for a quick kiss on the lips, that turned out to be more than one peck and he spread them all over Charles' face, not being able to stay away.

-

Charles sighed, rather frustrated with Erik's answer but gave in after several kisses from Erik.

"Okay, but keep me away from the alcohol. I don't want to have a hangover tomorrow", he chuckled and Erik nodded amused.

They went inside again when Erik finished his cigarette and soon Charles was surrounded by people once more. He still had a great time, not drinking too much and talking with old friends again. Some of them were gifted, just like him, Erik and Raven. Hank, for example, was currently hanging from the ceiling with his feet attached to a platform.

It was getting late though and most of his guests were finally leaving, some asking if they could stay the night. Charles allowed it, since he had enough rooms in the house. He approach Erik, who was currently talking with Raven.

"So, Erik. Are you ready to go?", he asked and Raven frowned at him. "I still need to get my promised birthday present", Charles explained with a small blush on his cheeks.

"Ah, I see. Have fun then you two", Raven grinned and went to Hank.

-

'Let's go home' Erik said making fun of what Charles had said the first time around.

Erik had rented a motorcycle for himself for a few weeks because he needed to go follow leads in other places, and this was the cheapest way to do so.

It was currently parked in front of Charles' mansion and he pulled the other man to it, a glint of danger dancing in his eyes. He loved motorcycles, they always made him feel free and powerful.

Charles made a face when he saw it though, and Erik didn't miss it. He turned to the other man and looked him in the eyes with a smile on his face 'Just try it, okay? I won't let you fall' - 'I'm not a child' Charles huffed halfheartedly and eyed the vehicle 'You promise?' he asked in a smaller voice and Erik chuckled 'I promise'.

He picked one of the helmets he had brought for Charles and put it on him, laughing gently 'You look adorable' he said and kissed the tip of the other man's nose.

'Wait!' Charles said suddenly just as Erik was sitting on it 'You were drinking!' - 'That was hours ago, Charles. And I ate afterwards. Come on, you're not backing out from your present are you?'

-

"No, no", he answered quickly, the promise of spending another night with Erik too tempting. He took a deep breath to calm himself and climbed on the bike behind Erik, clinging on his jacket.

"Like this?", Charles asked, his head on Erik's shoulder and arms around his waist. "Perfect", Erik answered and started the engine.

Charles heart sank immediately as Erik shouted "ready?" over his shoulder, but answered with a yes.

They drove through the night like there was no tomorrow. Five minutes in, Charles found himself enjoying the ride more than he thought. He was breathing in Erik's scent permanently, feelings his muscles move with every curve underneath his arms. The best part though, was Eriks firm back pressed against Charles front, spreading heat. Charles was excited for their night, which was soon been shown by the bulge in his pants, pressing against Erik's back.

-

Erik was feeling Charles' erection pressing against the small of his back and he let a low needy sound escape from his mouth. God, he wanted Charles to fuck him so hard.

He started going faster, desperate to get to the hotel soon and get rid of all the clothes between them. Feeling Charles pressed up against him like that was driving him crazy and Erik was starting to get blinded by his desire.

They finally reached the hotel, parking on the street and getting out of the bike in a rush. Erik held Charles' hand and pulled him through the hall straight to the elevator.

When the doors closed behind them and they were alone inside the ride, Erik pushed Charles against the wall and whispered on his ear with a hoarse voice 'Want you so bad' at the same time he pressed his hips against Charles' making him hiss when their erections touched even through the fabrics between them.

-

It was a painful long way up to the suite, since it was on the highest level. The tension was almost making Charles explode. He couldn't wait anymore and met Erik's lips in a desperate, passionate kiss. They started moaning into the kiss when both boys rubbed their erections against each other. Erik's tongue was brushing over Charles' and made him moan again.

When the elevator doors finally opened, Erik pulled him towards their suite and they needed at least five minutes to enter. Charles was currently busy with Erik's neck, when the taller man finally opened the door.

He was startled by the room in front of him. It was huge and the furniture looked so expensive, that Charles barely dared to touch it. Somehow, all the tension was gone and Charles let go of Erik to walk further into the suite, looking around speechless.

"Erik, this is… this is perfect", he said honestly, turning around towards the other man and gave him a happy smile. "No one ever did this to me. Thank you very much."

-

Erik suddenly felt like doing this for Charles everyday. He wanted to spoil the other one with every possible way he could find.

"I'm glad you liked it" he said softly getting closer. The desperation between them seemed to have vanished, but the desire was still there making their hearts beat fast.

He cupped Charles' face with his hands, and looked him in the eyes, while caressing his cheek with his thumb. Erik was so in love with Charles it wasn't even funny. He had let their relationship develop from 'friends with benefits' to 'I love you so much, please marry me' in only… Five, six months?

Charles' blue eyes made Erik think for a second there he could be someone for the other man to lean on. He could stay. He could abandon his mission and he could love Charles forever. And for that tiny second, he let himself believe, closing the distance between them and giving the other man the sweetest of the kisses.

Their mouths just touching, and then Erik's tongue licking Charles' bottom lip, tasting the beer there. Charles parted his mouth, and Erik knew he was still able to taste the nicotine, and somehow in those months he had picked up that Charles loved that.

He kissed him slowly and with devotion, his hands moving to go around Charles' waist and bring him even closer.

-

All the fast pace was taken out of their usual routine, making this moment different - special. Butterflies were having wrestling matches in Charles' stomach, his whole body tingly from Erik's touch. They kissed slowly, tasting every little flavour in each other's mouths. Charles explored Erik's body with his hands, as if he was allowed to touch the other man for the first time.

Slowly, they were walking towards the bed and when they reached the edge, Charles let himself sink on the soft mattress. He never left Erik's eyes, as the other man lowered himself on him.

Their lips met once again in a loving kiss, Charles hands brushing through Erik's soft hair. When he reached the line where his hair goes over to his neck and then let his fingers brush the sensitive skin there, Erik moaned quietly. Driven by that angelic sound, Charles let go of Erik's lips and kissed his jawline down to his neck. He left open mouthed kisses there, darting his tongue out to lick over an old love bite.

"I love marking your skin", Charles moved his lips against Erik's salty skin, giving him shivers.

-

"Yes" Erik answered in a low moan because that was all he could do at that moment. This was so different, deep and meaningful that it felt like his chest was too small to contain his heart inside. He was pouring his heart all over Charles' skin, everywhere he could reach and touch and kiss.

Erik's hands ventured under Charles' shirt, resting on that flat stomach and feeling his muscles under the warm skin. He lifted it up a little and pulled away, sitting on Charles' lap to look at the marks his fingers had left on the other man's hips the last time they were together.

His eyes were cloudy with the pleasure he felt when he saw his claim on Charles' body. It was the proof of their passion, it showed that they didn't have to hold back with each other because they would take anything the other one needed.

Erik was overwhelmed by the feelings coursing through his body and the words 'I love you' were caught in his throat. He couldn't say them, but at least for one night, he could try and show Charles how much he meant to him.

He tugged at the other man's shirt making him arch from the mattress to take it off. Erik threw it on the ground, and took off his own shirt, Charles' hands coming up to meet his bare skin, making him shiver with the caring touch.

He leaned down again, this time kissing softly Charles' neck and then following his collarbone with his tongue. His hands were caressing the sides of Charles' body and Erik whispered against his skin "You're so beautiful". He always said 'sexy', or 'hot' but those words weren't enough this time.

-

Charles heart made a little jump at those words from Erik, knowing how much it meant to hear them. His grab on Erik's shoulder tightened a bit and Charles lips spread into a smile that reached his eyes, looking at Erik with so much love.

Charles was utterly in love with Erik and he wasn't even scared about that anymore, because this right here proved, that Erik would never hurt Charles. So much caress and devotion couldn't be faked.

The realisation hit Charles suddenly and all at once. Erik loved him too. Erik was in love with Charles.

"Erik, I-", he almost cried out all his feelings at once, being so overwhelmed by them. "I need you." His voice was shaky and raspy.

He needed to be close to Erik, needed to feel him right now. Charles just needed to know he wasn't dreaming all this.

Erik's warm body was pressed against Charles', a pool of heat building in between their crotches.

His hands gently moved towards Erik's jeans, opening the button there and sneaking one hand inside Erik's pants. Both men moaned in pleasure when Charles touched Erik's hardened dick.

-

Erik closed his eyes, his head falling to Charles' shoulder but his lips quickly finding their way to Charles' earlobe.

The other man's hand inside his pant was making him moan in a low deep tone on his ear, his words going straight to his heart and his erection, All the hairs on his body were standing up from the chills running through him.

This intimacy between them was making Erik harder than ever and he was sure he couldn't last too long this time.

He let his hand wander on Charles' chest and then his stomach, getting lower and lower until he cupped the other man's cock, making him hiss and arch away from the mattress

"What do you want, Charles?" he asked panting "I'll give you anything".

-

Charles needed a minute to gather his thoughts again, before he was able to answer Erik's question.

"I want to feel you inside me." Charles forced himself to keep eye contact with Erik, not giving in to the pleasure and close his eyes.

He angled his legs to wrap them around Erik's waist, after removing his hand from his cock. Their erections brushed together once again, friction almost unbearable. Charles let his hand run up and down Erik's spine and with the other one cupped his ass.

They united in a kiss again, Charles biting down in Erik's bottom lip carefully. It felt like half an eternity of them just making out and touching their upper bodies, too caught in the moment.

Charles hips buckled up, meeting Erik's and encouraged them to finally break their make out session. Erik's soft fingers glided down Charles' body once again and Charles felt his jeans being pulled down. He let go of Erik's waist with his legs and helped Erik getting him out of his jeans and underwear.

Charles was lying exposed underneath Erik and the look the other man's eyes was so loving. It certainly wasn't the first time they'd seen each other naked, but right now Charles felt seen. The way Erik's eyes were studying every part of his body sent arousal into Charles' lower body.

"God, I love the way you look at me like that", Charles breathed out. "Please kiss me, Erik."

-

Erik made his way up, kissing Charles' stomach, chest, nipples, neck, jawline, cheeks and finally kissing his mouth. He was too far gone in his emotions to talk right now, but he needed Charles to feel how gorgeous Erik thought he was.

He kissed him with tongues and teeth, while his hands worked on opening his own pants, wanting to feel Charles more than anything in the world. They parted only so that Erik could take his clothes off, and then his mouth found Charles' lips once again.

Erik had never been one to enjoy kisses so much, but kissing Charles was just a whole new level, a whole new feeling. His mouth and his taste were intoxicating and even days after they kissed, Erik could still feel the other man's presence there, it was blissful.

He brought his body down, the skin on skin contact making him shiver and moan inside Charles' mouth, as their erections touched together and Erik rocked his hips.

His movements were slow and sloppy, not being able to calculate or plan anything. He just followed his feelings and instinct hoping that somehow that would be enough.

He pulled away from the kiss, Charles' moans filling the room and arousing Erik even more. Their cocks were frictioning together and Erik had to still himself, not moving anymore or he would come right then.

He reached for the bedside table, getting the condom and lube he had bought for them earlier that day, and smiled at Charles lovingly.

Erik moved, sitting on his heels between Charles' legs and poured lube on his fingers. Without breaking the eye contact he felt Charles' opening his legs wider, inviting him and Erik's cock pulsed in the air.

He leaned down, his middle finger placed on the other man's entrance, and pushed it in, at the same time he took the head of Charles' dick inside his mouth.

-

Charles let out a desperate moan, Erik's hot, wet tongue curling around the tip of his dick. He arched his back from the mattress, almost choking Erik and apologising quickly. It felt so good to have Erik's finger inside him, brushing his prostate and making Charles moan in delight.

Erik stretched him with practiced fingers, until Charles was panting beneath him, his hands in need to touch the other man.

'Erik now please. I am ready', he thought, not trusting his voice anymore at this point. He pulled Erik down to him again and kissed him with passion. His hand grabbed the condom and he ripped it open, still not leaving Erik's lips.

-

Erik groaned when he heard Charles' words inside his head. The other man almost sat in the bed, and put the condom on Erik's dick with shaky hands. Erik let his lips wander everywhere while he did it, not quite kissing Charles, but just touching him, needing the contact.

Charles laid down again, his legs wrapping around Erik's waist one more time and bringing him closer. Erik used his hand to guide his cock to Charles' entrance and slowly started pushing inside.

Charles had his eyes closed, head thrown back and mouth half opened. Erik took the other man's hand and intertwined their fingers together, putting their hands next to Charles' head.

He kissed him as he buried himself inside Charles' tight hole, and when he was almost completely in, he whispered "Look at me, Charles".

-

Shaky breaths were escaping his mouth, when Charles felt the amazing sensation of Erik buried inside him. He opened his eyes at Erik's command and looked right into his, pupils blown and pure pleasure mirroring in them. Erik's eyes stared equally lustful at him.

Charles felt complete for the first time in his life.

"Erik you feel amazing", Charles breathed against Erik's ear. "Please move."

He needed Erik to move now, needed the steady rhythm to bring him closer to the edge. Needed Erik's flat stomach friction Charles' cock.

Erik groaned deeply - the noise being sent straight to Charles' cock - and finally started moving, more gentle than ever. Charles felt every centimetre of Erik filling him, meeting his thrust halfway through. Small moans and other noises were leaving Charles partly opened mouth and he ran his fingers over Erik's back.

"Yes Erik, mhhm feels so good.. beautiful… I love this.. ", Charles panted in between their moans, totally lost in lust and desire.

They were one at that very moment.

-

Erik let out a deep moan, his eyes falling shut from the pleasure as he pounded inside Charles with a gentleness he had never used before.

His thrust were steady and slow, going deeper each time and in a different angle, trying to find the one that would make Charles scream louder.

He put his head on the crook of Charles' neck and started biting and sucking on the skin, creating new possessive bruises.

'Yes… You feel so good.. Fuck, Charles' he moaned on the other man's skin.

It felt like all his senses were more aware of what was happening there, like he could feel better, see better, smell better.

He was drowning in Charles, Charles, Charles and he never wanted to come out.

'I love this too… Hmm… So gorgeous' he kept thrusting, his hips snapping against Charles and filling the room with the sounds of them colliding.

Erik hadn't known before this what was the difference between fucking and making love, but he had just found out, and it was the most amazing thing he had ever done.

He finally found the spot inside Charles that made the other man's toes curl and he moaned loudly, pleadingly. 'You like that?' Erik asked in a husky voice.

-

"Mmhnm", Charles nodded, lips pressed together and cheeks flushed. He wasn't even able to bring normal words out, so Charles settled with gestures. He started meeting Erik in his thrusts even faster, chasing his orgasm and the fantastic feeling when Erik brushed this one spot.

Erik's thrusts came more frequently, breathing heavily at Charles neck, making it all warm and wet.

"Please, Erik", Charles started begging for nothing. He let out other unconnected words and sentences, his fingers dug deeply into Erik's skin. "So close.. need you .. love .. this.."

With another thrust, Erik hit that spot again and Charles saw stars, his back arching from the bed and pressing against Erik's. His orgasm was so slow built, it didn't hit him all at once like it usually was - the wave built up higher and higher, until it finally broke down, floating over Charles. He moaned and breathed Erik's name as he came all over their bodies. His heart was pounding in his chest and for once, Charles was sure it wasn't because of the activity they just did.

-

As Charles came all over their stomachs, he clenched his hole and Erik buried his head on the other man's neck, he breathed out a broken 'Charles' as he came inside him, his entire body shivering not only from the effort but also from all the feelings in his heart.

When he catched his breath again, he reached over with his hand, pushing Charles' hair out of his sweaty forehead and kissing his cherry lips.

He pulled out of the other man and closed the condom, throwing it on the ground and letting his body fall next to Charles.

He usually didn't stay long after their encounters and was always reluctant about cuddling, but this time he pulled Charles close to him, clinging to his side and breathing in his sweaty post-sex smell mixed with Charles scent.

He kissed Charles' temple and said 'Get some rest, we have the whole day tomorrow'.

*

Erik faced Charles with a sudden anger filling his body 'You'll try not to act- fuck you, Charles' he said getting closer to him.

'Do you really think so highly of yourself? Like you're so much better than me that you have to tune down your happiness when I'm around?' Erik huffed and shook his head in disbelief.

He didn't need Charles' pity. The other man was making it seem like Erik was pining over him, like he loved Charles and all he could do was try not to hurt him while turning him down and choosing his perfect girlfriend.

It was so disrespectful and hurtful to the point it made Erik embarrassed. It made him want to leave even more.

'You invited me here to insult me? You came to my room, Charles. You hugged me and you asked me to stay! I didn't accept your invitation because I wanted to get you back. I came here because I needed your help and I trusted yo- I shouldn't have come' he finished with a broken voice, rubbing his bruised wrists, over the sleeve of his turtleneck, without even noticing he was doing it. He should have known better than to trust anyone, even if that person was Charles.

-

Every little word cut deep into Charles' heart to the point he had tears in his eyes. Their situation was still the same, even after ten years. Erik was closing off and Charles read too much into Erik's words and gestures. 'I didn't accept your invitation because I wanted to get you back.' He had never wanted Charles, did he?

Tears were about to fall and Charles blinked them away, eager not to show Erik how those words had hurt Charles. If could build a fortress around his heart, Charles was sure he could do it too.

Just when he brushed away the last tears and his vision got better again, he saw Erik's bruised wrists.

"You are hurt", he stated in a firm voice, grabbing Erik's hand and arm gently. He looked at the wrist and worry started to form itself in Charles mind, without him even wanting it.

"This needs to be sterilised. I have some medication in the bathroom. Let me help you." His voice wasn't the most steady one right now and he was completely avoiding what Erik said before, feeling numb. What Charles cared about now, was Erik's health.

-

Erik's anger disappeared even faster than it had appeared and all Erik was left with was a ache inside his heart.

He wanted to protest and say he was fine, that he had already washed his injuries and he would be okay but he had seen the tears in Charles' eyes and he regretted every single word he had just said.

Charles was holding his hands so carefully, and his skin felt warm and tingly out of nowhere that all Erik could do was nod and whisper a small 'Okay'.

Charles let go of him, making Erik instantly miss the contact and went to the bathroom, Erik following close behind.

It was the bathroom in the corridor and for some reason Erik didn't want Moira to appear there right now, so he closed the door behind him and locked it with his powers.

He leaned against the sink while Charles opened a cabinet and started getting his medication box out of it.

Charles came closer and rubbed the medication on his wrists with gentle movements and quiet behaviour. Erik sighed feeling guilty and gathering his thoughts.

It was when Charles was wrapping gauze around his injuries that Erik temptly called 'Charles?'. The other man didn't look up or answer, but Erik knew he had heard because his entire expression had changed.

'I'm sorry for what I said, I know you, and I know you were not trying to… Humiliate me the way I felt.'

Charles still didn't answer so once again Erik started talking 'You should know that leaving that day was the hardest thing I've ever done. I know it doesn't change a thing, but it is the truth. I don't believe we're getting back together because I became someone you've outgrown, someone that did terrible things, and because I know you have found love. But if we were ever to do so, I would find a way to never have to give you up again. I would be so selfish, I would never let go'.

There. It wasn't quite a love confession but it was as open as Erik could get at that very moment. He had apologized and tried to show a little of how he felt and he hoped it was at least enough to make Charles hate him less.

The other man was standing right in front of him and had just finished with his wrists. Erik straightened his body and pressed his temple against Charles'. They were almost cheek to cheek and it felt like an eternity passed between them. Erik had his eyes closed and his head was leaning on Charles', the tip of his nose making silly patterns on the other man's skin 'Thank you' he whispered with all honesty and pulled away to leave the bathroom.

-

All those cuts in Charles' heart were healed again by Erik's words. It was filled with warmth and love for the taller man, beating faster than ever.

In that very moment, he forgot Moira and their past and everything that happened.

Charles turned around with Erik and grabbed his hand. He pulled him towards himself and when he was close enough, his lips landed in the corner of his mouth. They lingered there for a long moment, before he pulled away, overwhelmed by his feelings.

"Thank you", he whispered with a small voice, full of emotions.

*

Charles woke up in the middle of the night and started kissing Erik's neck, going down until he reached his dick, which he put into his mouth lazily. Erik was awake by the time Charles had reached his lower body and moaned in a sleepy voice. Charles tongue moved over the the velvet tip of Erik's hardening cock and then released it.

"Care for another round?", he grinned teasingly and Erik answered with a kiss that didn't leave any other options.

They made love in a passionate but sleepy way for the second time.

When Charles woke up again, the sun was already shining outside and he was alone in bed.


	5. Worse Than Nicotine

Erik woke up early as usual and observed Charles' face until the feelings became too much and he couldn't bare them.

He had gotten up and gone to the bathroom, which it was where he was standing right now. He was throwing cold water on his face and taking deep breaths to calm his shaking hands. His feelings for Charles couldn't be ignored anymore, they were so strong and so deep that Erik was starting to lose himself.

This was such a dangerous game he was playing, and it could only lead to indescribable pain, but he couldn't stop it quite yet. He needed just a little more, just a little Charles so he could go on with his life.

He left the bathroom to find Charles sitting up on the bed, his hands pressing against his eyes and then going through his hair, before he saw Erik standing there only in his underwear.

"Hey" Erik said getting closer and crawling in the bed until he reached Charles and kissed his exposed shoulder "Good morning"

-

"Mornin'. I thought you left", Charles yawned and leaned closer to give Erik more space for his kisses.

"I promised you, we have all day to repeat what we did yesterday", Erik explained in a low but loving voice that gave Charles shivers.

"Thank you.. for everything. This is such a beautiful birthday present", Charles smiled and looked at Erik, who was still occupied, kissing his shoulder and neck.

He moved one hand to stroke through Erik's soft hair and exposed his neck a little more.

One moan escaped Charles' lips, his heart hammering against his chest.

-

Erik sighed with the caress of Charles' hand going through his hair, it gave him a calm feeling, like he was loved and that would make everything else okay.

"What do you want for breakfast? We can get anything" he asked pulling away from Charles' shoulder and grabbing a menu on the bedside table.

*

It took all of Erik's strength to not pull Charles even closer and kiss him properly. The kiss on the corner of his mouth had been so sweet and they stood so close that he was sure his heartbeat was being heard by the other man.

But Erik couldn't just do that. He couldn't appear after ten years and shake Charles' life that much. He couldn't make him cheat on his girlfriend and he couldn't lead him to believe that they actually stood a chance together. Because they didn't. No one could ever go through a relationship with him and not get damaged, he couldn't do that to Charles. Not his Charles.

He briefly put his hand on the other man's shoulder bringing him closer and kissed his forehead, his eyes closing and his heart feeling like they were splitting up all over again.

Erik used his power to unlock the door and when he finally pulled away from Charles he left the bathroom and closed himself inside his room. He picked his cellphone that was almost dying since he didn't have a charger and started making some calls to find somewhere else to live, but his calls didn't take him anywhere. He had gone to prison, even if for a few days, and his contacts didn't want anything to do with him.

-

Charles stood there for a few more minutes, not being able to move. His heart was longing, yearning for Erik, to be close to him again. He was about to follow Erik, press him against the wall and kiss him breathless. But his legs just wouldn't move.

"Charles? Honey? Could you help me with lunch?", Moira called from downstairs, breaking Charles rather violently out of his daydreams.

He sighed and went downstairs to help her with the food.

"So, how long is Erik gonna stay?" - "I don't know, I told you that already." He doesn't know why he was so cold right now. She didn't do anything wrong, but Charles felt like he did. Still, he couldn't apologise right now.

When lunch was ready, they called for Erik, already sitting down at the table.

-

Erik didn't want to have lunch with Charles and Moira but he had already skipped dinner last night and felt rather rude about doing it again.

He went downstairs to find them both sitting side by side on the table and felt really out of place, silently picking up a plate and serving his food.

Erik sat across from Charles and offered Moira a "Hey", before looking down and focusing on eating quietly, not wanting to disturb the other two more than he was already.

He had always thought it was a little… weird when couples sat side by side during a meal. Erik liked sitting across from the other person, so he could stare into his eyes while eating, smile softly and even run his feet up and down against his loved one leg. Not that he had ever done that apart from his dreams about Charles.

Maybe Charles and Moira just were one of those couples who liked to stay close all the time, hands touching underneath the table.

He was ripped out of his thoughts, when Moira spoke to him "So, Erik. How long are you planning to stay?". He heard Charles' fork banging on his plate loudly while he looked up to the woman and answered in a low tone "Not more than necessary" - "I see. How long is necessary? I don't mean to be rude, I'd just like to know" - "Of course, this is your house too after all. I don't think I thanked you for letting me stay here" Erik said, dreading every word "So thank you. Can I get until the end of the week? I'll be gone by the weekend".

-

"You can stay however long you want", Charles answered in Moira's place and glared at her. It was so rude to ask Erik about his stay when he was just here for a day. Moira seemed to get his displeasure and apologized silently with her eyes.

Charles looked back to Erik and heard Moira answer. "Of course. If you can't find something, you can totally stay here."

She put her hand on Charles thigh, but he brushed it off, still a bit angry with her and also keeping his promise.

"Can't you get your place back where you lived earlier?", she asked in a noisy way.

"Moira, please", Charles wanted her to shut up.

He knew about Erik's living situation ten years ago and if that was anything to go by, then Charles' mansion was probably the closest thing Erik ever had to a home.

-

Erik didn't know how to answer her question without raising suspicion and he didn't really want to give her any details about his private life, so he settled for ignoring the question.

"I know it's not comfortable for you to have someone like me in your house" he said putting his fork down. He had eaten half his food but he wasn't hungry. He had gone days without eating properly and he just wasn't used to homemade meals anymore.

"So I appreciate your kindness towards me. I'm already looking into it and I won't abuse of your hospitality for too long".

Erik had this way of being extra polite to people he wasn't fond of, trying to cover his annoyance with posh word and kind behaviour. He was thankful for that feature in that moment, because it allowed him to be nice to the woman that slept with the love of his life.

Moira nodded and Erik was starting to think of getting up and go back to his room, when she talked again.

"Do you have a family? A mother, wife, kids? Surely they are wondering where you are".

Erik's heart froze at the mention of his mother, and his mask slipped off a little bit "Is this an interrogation?" he asked frowning, not taking his eyes off of her "I was exonerated" he said - even though he and Charles knew the truth - and got up, "Thank you for the lovely meal" leaving the kitchen.

-

He was furious.

Charles couldn't even start to describe his feelings towards Moira now. He had stopped eating completely since she started interrogating Erik and got up as well.

"Where are you going?", she asked and Charles needed all his concentration not to yell at her. He wasn't like that.

"I need some time alone. You should use that time and think about your behaviour", he hissed angrily.

"I'm not a child, Charles." - "Then stop acting like one!" With that Charles was out of the kitchen and soon the house. He walked down the path to the gate at the end of his ground and even past that. Charles needed air to calm down and he just needed some time for himself. Everything was twice as stressful since he saw Erik again.

Charles stayed out for hours, walking around and sitting on a bench. He went to a bar - the one where he and Erik met, he realised later - and drank a bit as well, missing dinner on purpose.

When he finally got back home, it was already dark outside and the alcohol wasn't as present anymore. He didn't look at the clock, but the house was quiet, so Charles guessed it must be in the middle of the night. Moira would need to go to work the next day again, so she was probably asleep.

He sat in the kitchen and filled himself a glass of water - just staring at it, lost in his thoughts.

-

It was 1 am when Erik woke up and sat on the bed. That was the time he usually got up every night so he wasn't surprised. Years of restless nights had stopped him from having normal sleeping habits and he was used to it by now.

His stomach was grumbling since he had avoided the kitchen after lunch. Truth be told he had avoided the entire house apart from his room. He had half hoped Charles would show up some time but he didn't and Erik couldn't blame him.

He got up from the bed, getting rid of his shirt that had gotten sweaty and left his room, barefoot going to the kitchen.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw Charles sitting on a chair, staring at a glass of water and not realizing Erik was there - which was a feature considering he was a telepath.

"Can't sleep?" Erik asked softly and Charles jumped on the chair. Erik chuckled and opened a cabinet getting two bowls and a cereal box. He opened a drawer and picked up two spoons before going to the table and sitting across from Charles once again.

He didn't feel embarrassed about getting the stuff without asking permission - that mansion still felt like home.

-

"I didn't go to sleep yet", Charles answered after finding his voice back. "You?"

Charles hoped, Erik wouldn't smell the rest alcohol in his breath.

He grabbed the cereal box, suddenly feeling very hungry and filled some into his bow, before pushing it back to Erik.

"I'm used to waking up this early. Old habits die hard", Erik answered honestly and filled his own bowl. Charles poured milk into both their cereals and started digging into his own.

"I'm sorry for what she said earlier", Charles apologized, avoiding to say Moira's name. Erik's perfect mask always slipped for a split second when her name came up.

-

Erik shook his head "It was okay" he answered brushing it away. And starting to eat too.

It wasn't okay. It had been intrusive and it made Erik feel unwelcome, but he wasn't expecting anything else from her, and he understood where she was coming from.

Did she know about his past with Charles? He made a mental note to ask the other man that, when he wasn't under the influence of alcohol. Charles could try to hide it as much as he wanted to, but Erik had seen him drinking far too many times to know when he wasn't completely sober.

"Chocolate flavoured cereal, Charles? You're still so healthy" he asked after a moment with a honest smile on his face "Old habits die hard" Charles copied him with a grin.

At that moment a cold blow of wind came through the window and Erik immediately regretted leaving his shirt behind. He lifted the hand that was holding the spoon and closed the window, with his power, by it's handles.

"You know…" he started "I'm still a very good drinking buddy. You should invite me next time".

-

Of course he had noticed. Erik always noticed a strange behaviour from Charles. That was maybe because Charles had acted as openly around Erik for a year, trusting him completely.

"I'll remember for the next time", he answered with a small smile, wondering if there will be another chance for them meeting again. "Cheers!"

Charles lifted the glass of water with a slight grin and drank it in one go. The cool liquid ran down his throat, soothing the dried feeling the alcohol had left.

When Charles noticed, that his nerves didn't calm down with the water, he stood up and got a pack of cigarettes from the corridor together with a lighter. He sat down again and opened the package, getting two out.

"Do you still smoke?", he asked, holding one cigarette towards Erik.

Charles wasn't a routine smoker, just used one or two when he partied or couldn't sleep at night.

-

"Not really" Erik answered shaking his head and not picking the cigarette up. Charles frowned "Why is that?" - "My lungs started to get a little tired" he answered after swallowing down another spoon of his cereal.

He watched as Charles put the cigarette in his mouth and wondered if he was the one who got him to start smoking. The other man lit it up and took a drag, blowing the smoke out afterwards.

God, Erik missed that addiction - and he wasn't thinking about the cigarette. He wondered how Charles' lips tasted now mixed with the nicotine and was suddenly aware of why the other man had always liked to watch him smoke and kissed him afterwards every time. Erik shivered, the hairs on his arms standing up.

"Did something happen?" Charles asked after a minute, sounding a little worried. "No… I was just getting tired faster when I tried to run or do anything really. So I quit. It's been five years give it or take".

He finished his cereal while Charles smoked quietly and fidgeted slightly on his seat. "What about chess? We should play it some time" Erik said.

-

"I haven't played in years", Charles admitted and took one last drag, before putting the cigarette out in the ashtray. "Actually, last time I played was with you."

He grinned at the memory when Erik and him had tried to invent strip-chess. Every time one of their players was removed from the board, the person needed to get rid of one clothing. Halfway through the game, they were fucking next to the chess board, panting and moaning breathlessly. They certainly should play it again some time.

"Do you wanna play now?" Charles didn't feel tired at all, but wasn't sure about the other man.

His nerves were calmed now and he picked up the spoon again to finish his cereal.

-

"The strip version or the normal one?" Erik asked with a cheeky smile and Charles almost choked on his cereal.

Erik made a sad face but quickly recovered trying to bring a funny tone to his voice before he spoke again but he wasn't sure he succeed "It was just a joke".

He got up from the table with his bowl and started washing it on the sink "I'd love to play it now" he said while doing it and suddenly Charles was next to him, putting his bowl there as well so Erik could wash it. While he scrubbed it, Charles picked the other one and started drying it.

It was a rather domestic situation and Erik caught himself wishing he and Charles would share more moments like that before he had to leave.

The gauze around his wrist got wet on the process and when they finished he asked "Do you think I can take them off now?" - "Yeah, let me help you" he said reaching over and holding Erik's hand gently while he started to peel off the bandage.

"We should play in the library" Charles said filling the silence while he worked "Sure, let me just put a shirt on first, I'm getting cold" - "Okay. I'll come with you and then we can go to the library together".

-

They went into Erik's room and Charles watched him as he picked up one of Charles' favorite shirts and put it on. "It looks great on you", Charles said with a lowered voice, not wanting to wake Moira up.

"Thanks. It's very comfortable", Erik's answer was heard in the dark room and when he got closer to Charles, who was still standing in the door frame, he could make out a faint blush on his cheeks.

Charles wasn't even surprise that Erik still knew the way to the library, they had spent a lot of time in there; playing chess, reading, fucking.

They settled on a small, wooden table and Charles got the dusty chess board from a shelf. He put it on the table, blowing the dust away and sat across from Erik.

The chess board was a rather expensive one, that Charles gave Erik for his birthday, even though they always kept it at Charles' place. The figures were made out of metal, good for Erik to move them without touching, which was Charles intention when he bought it. "I have to warn you, as I said, I haven't played in ten years." - "I'll go gentle on you", Erik answered with a small smile and made his first move, using his powers.

-

Erik observed the library during their game, noticing that Moira had also added her touch in there and rolled his eyes. His room hadn't changed a thing though. Wasn't she allowed to change things in all rooms or just Erik's?

They had just finished the first match and Erik won it easily. They had talked about meaningless things during the game, and it had been just as pleasant as Erik remembered it was ten years ago. They didn't talk about the past, not wanting to disturb the peace and lightness on the atmosphere around them, but the memories were surely playing themselves inside their minds and many times they had shared secretive smiles.

He didn't know if Charles was tired already, so he offered "Let's go to bed" and widened his eyes at the words "I mean-" he stuttered "You know… If you're tired, we can stop… not that I want to".

*

"Let's go to bed" Erik said with a husky voice after he and Charles had sat on the balcony of the hotel room to have breakfast.

Charles had eaten everything in a sexy messy way, licking his fingers slowly, passing his tongue on his lips and even cleaning the corner of his mouth with his index finger, making Erik imagine other stuff he could clean from there.

By the time they were finished eating, his dick was hard and his pupil blown with desire. Charles smiled at him and got up, offering his hand so Erik could take it and follow him to bed, where they fell together and had sex again.

-

When they were done, it was already afternoon. They had woken up pretty late and stayed in bed for a while before having breakfast.

Charles was snuggled up against Erik's chest, doodling on the sweaty skin, while Erik moved his hand through Charles' hair. The blanket was barely covering them and Charles was so deep in his own personal bubble, that he didn't want to think about leaving in one half an hour.

"This", Charles suddenly said, kissing Erik's chest. "This right here is fantastic."

He wanted to let the other man know, how much it meant to him.

*

Charles giggled delightful at Erik's Freudian mistake, his cheeks feeling warm.

"Actually, I was hoping for a revenge?" - "Okay yeah, me too." Erik's chased answer made Charles chuckle once more as he set the figures back into place.

They played again, this game lasting longer, since Charles found his way back to chess. Again they were talking about everything and nothing, making Charles realise just how much he had missed this; … Had missed Erik.

Towards the end of the game, Charles started yawning and his eyes fell shut every other second.

"I think now it's time. Do you want to finish tomorrow?", he said, his voice sounding tired.

"Of course", Erik agreed and helped Charles up, because he could have totally fallen asleep just then.

They went to their rooms and Charles - a bit more awake now that he was standing - kissed the corner of Erik's mouth once again, brushing his lips faintly over the other man's lips.

"Good night, Erik", he breathed against Erik's lips.

-

Erik stood in the corridor for a solid three minutes when the fog inside his mind started to subside. His heart had turned around inside his chest, and his stomach had dropped to his feet when Charles once again kissed the corner of his mouth and then brushed his lips over Erik's.

The feeling of his mouth there was lingering and Erik's whole body was shivering. He stupidly raised his hand and put it on the place he had been kissed, his lips parted and his breath coming in and out between them rather fast. He closed his eyes for the impact he knew it was coming and it surely did.

It felt like he had been punched on the gut once again, when the words materialized inside his mind. "I love you" he whispered to the empty corridor and opened his eyes startled. It was something he had always known, yet never said.

He shook his head, trying to get a grip on himself and was instantly reminded that Charles had gone to someone else's bed. That right at that moment he had his arms wrapped around Moira's body, not Erik's.

He entered his room feeling like he had been beaten down. The mixed emotions inside of him were enough to make him fall asleep as soon as he fell into bed.

-

Charles didn't have his arms wrapped around Moira's body. He wasn't even touching her, feeling too guilty and still a bit upset. Sleep came over him rather quickly.

The next morning they had a silent morning breakfast, neither of them had forgotten their last meal together. Luckily, Moira had to leave soon afterwards, kissing Charles cheek as he had turned away in the last moment. She looked sad at that, but didn't comment and Charles didn't feel like explaining.

Half an hour after Moira had left, the bell rang and Charles asked Erik to open, since he was just drying himself off after a shower.

When he came downstairs with still wet hair, he saw Erik talking to an old woman in the lounge. She was currently squeezing his cheek, saying something like what a handsome young man he was.

"I am so glad my daughter has you! You are an angel, a good looking young man!", she exclaimed and squeezed both of his cheeks.

"Ma'em, I explained already that I am not your daughter's boyfriend", Erik tried to brush her off.

"Hello", Charles chuckled and both looked at him. "See, this is Charles!" Erik tried desperately to get rid of her hands on his cheeks.

"Charles! Come, give grandma a kiss", she said, letting go of Erik and walking towards him.

"Nice try, Raven. I can feel it's you", Charles grinned and after a moment of her staring at him, she finally turned into her normal self.

"It's still good to see you… both", she added, turning to look at Erik with an apologising grin.

-

Erik felt his cheeks getting warm for being easily tricked, but it's not like he could have known.

'Raven' he said with a soft voice and opened his arms. She came by and hugged him tight, Erik's arms going around her and his cheek resting on top of her head. He had missed her. She had been a great friend and Erik had always enjoyed spending time with her.

She pulled away asking with a gentle smile 'What are you doing here?' - 'I'm staying over for a while until I'm back on my feet again' she nodded and turned to Charles.

'Where's Moira?' Erik grimaced slightly 'She's at work' Charles answered 'Is she okay with this?' She asked with a curious tone.

Charles opened his mouth and then closed it again, not knowing how to answer 'She does know about your past doesn't she?'.

His silence was answer enough 'Charles! You have to tell her' - 'I know, I know' - 'Don't screw it up with her' - 'I won't' Charles said looking down and Erik felt guilty for being there.

Raven turned to Erik and eyed him from head to toe 'You're even hotter than ten years ago' she said lightening the mood.

-

All three of them settled for a tea in the living room, Raven talking about her life in the past ten years. Not that Charles didn't see her in between, but Erik didn't and they were rather close back then.

"Hey, we should totally head down to the bar", Raven suggested a bit later.

"It's just past lunch time, Raven", Charles said with a frown. "Then we will do something else first and go then!"

Charles sighed. "I'm sorry, I can't. I already drank yesterday and Moira will come back soon. But you two should totally go." Raven pouted at Charles answer but turned towards Erik.

"Then it's only us. Come on", she grinned and pulled Erik to his feet.

"Dinner is at 9 if you still want to join", Charles said when they were at the door.

-

Erik and Raven decided to take a walk and talk a little more, since she wanted to know about his life.

"Why did you leave?" was her first question and Erik did his best to explain "I had to. There was something I had to do that was too important and I had let myself get distracted for too long. I never meant to hurt anyone, you know".

She stayed quiet for a moment and then said "I know. I tried telling Charles you probably had a good reason. I could see it in your eyes how you felt about him. You wouldn't have left if it wasn't serious." - "I wouldn't" he said honestly.

"How is he now, Raven?" he asked as they sat down on a bench "He's alright. It took him a while, but after he met Moira things got so much better, you know. They're happy and she's very good to him."

Erik felt his heart shrink and all his body screamed for him to do something, to run until his lungs were burning, to yell until his throat was sore, or to cry until there was no more water in him. But he didn't do anything, he just nodded.

"How come you are living with them now?" - "I… was arrested and they called Charles to read my mind" - "You were arrested? For what?" - "I was a suspect in a murder case" - "I see… and?" - "And after telling them I was innocent, he asked if I needed somewhere to stay".

They talked and talked until it got darker and she suggested they went to the bar again. Erik explained to her that his bank account was frozen, but she said it was her treat and so they went.

During their time at the bar, they drank a fair amount of alcohol and Erik made himself stop when he started to get dizzy. Raven tried to set him up with a guy and when she saw Erik wasn't going to collaborate she settled for talking more.

It was half past 8, and they paid the tab so Erik could go back in time for dinner. She hugged him at the door of the bar, promising she would see him again before he left - which he doubted - and went on her separate way.

Erik started walking with his hands on his pocket, feeling warm because of the alcohol even on the chilly evening.


	6. Gone, Gone, Gone

Ever since Moira came back, Charles was in a bad mood. She started talking about yesterday, saying that it wasn't her fault. Charles tried to stay calm and left the room before he exploded.

He tried avoiding her, but when they made dinner together, it was unavoidable.

"Nice to see you too", she commented in a cold voice, obviously pissed about Charles ignoring her.

Charles didn't comment, just continued to peel off the skin from the potatoes. They weren't children anymore, so he wouldn't act on her childish behaviour. She obviously realised her childish comment and sighed in frustration.

"He was your boyfriend, wasn't he?" This drew Charles' attention to her and he faced her with wide eyes.

Did Erik tell her? Did she hear them last night? Saw them? He feared of what she was gonna say, but couldn't lie to her.

"How did-" - "I am not stupid, nor blind, Charles. I can see how he looks at you and how many memories you both share", she said in a bitter tone, avoiding Charles' eyes.

"Moira, I can assure you there is nothing going on-", he started, but being cut off once again. "I hope so. But you are acting different ever since he got here. I don't want him in my house."

"Your house, hm?", he was getting angrier now. He thought Moira trusted him, but she clearly didn't.

"Our house! You know, a house where couples live and not two lovers and one ex!" - "Ohh since when are you so narrow minded? My god, Moira! He needs our help and I will not let him sleep on the street if we have so many rooms!"

"You only share one with him anyway", she accused. "Don't you dare accusing me of cheating! This is humiliating that you only think that way!" - "If you give me the reasons!" - "He will stay and I will not argue with you about that. Stop being so jealous!"

She put the spoon down with more force than necessary and left the room. Charles felt hollow and tired after this fight, leaning against the kitchen table and running his hands over his face.

*****

It's been two days after their shared night in the hotel and Charles couldn't wait to see Erik again. He still remembered how they kissed each other goodbye in front of Charles door. A long, lingering kiss.

_'Do you really not want to come inside?' - 'I can't.'_ Charles had smiled sadly but nodded, kissing Erik once again before going inside.

A smile spread across Charles' face at the thought.

**[Charles Xavier]**

**Do you want to come over tonight?**

He was thinking of cooking dinner with Erik, since he always wanted to do that with him. Afterwards maybe watching a movie, leaving open if they wanted to make love too. Charles couldn't even phrase it differently after that night anymore. He had such strong feelings towards the other man, that it was above love.

-

Erik stared at his cellphone and the message he had just received from Charles. It made him warm inside and he wanted nothing more than to answer with heart emoticons and promise he would be there.

He couldn't do that though. After he had dropped Charles off at his place two days ago, he had gone for a long ride, faster and faster feeling the wind cutting through his body with it's full force. It was clear to him how he felt about Charles, but if he kept doing what they had just done the other man would fall in love too and Erik couldn't have that.

He had decided then that any encounters they shared from now on would be casual and meaningless as they had been before. They were just friends with benefits after all.

**[Erik Lehnsherr]**

**Can't tonight. Tomorrow?**

**He hit send and didn't have to wait too long for an answer**

**[Charles Xavier]**

**Sure ;)**

Erik put down his phone and laid back on his bed. He could have gone tonight, but it would just make it seem like he was too available and eager - which he was for Charles.

The next night came faster than he thought it would, and he found himself in front of Charles' mansion. His palms were sweaty and he was actually scared of how the other man would react to him acting unattached, not wanting to see a sad look on his eyes.

He rang the doorbell and waited. When Charles opened his door, all the air was pumped out of Erik's lungs as if he had forgotten how beautiful he was "Hey" he said and Charles greeted him with a sunny smile, getting closer and putting their lips together.

Before he could deepen the kiss though, Erik pulled away knowing that if Charles started kissing him gently he would melt down.

He got inside the mansion and the other one asked "How have you been?" - "Okay. You?" - "Good, I missed you". Erik turned around grinning at him and said "I think I can fix that" with a hint of danger in his voice. He grabbed Charles' hand and started pulling him to the couch, throwing him there and climbing on top of him.

He was just about to kiss Charles, when he spoke "As much as I'm looking forward to this, I was hoping maybe we could cook dinner first?", Erik stared down at him and forced the words out of his mouth "No time today", at the same time he leaned down and started kissing Charles' neck rather desperately.

-

It had hurt a bit, when Erik turned his idea down, but maybe he was just too encouraged by the change of their relationship to feel Charles again. Their way of having sex at the hotel was so much more intensive and Charles had felt closer to Erik than ever.

Charles hopes were destroyed rather quickly after Erik had started to undress him. Less touching and kissing was involved, only straight forward movements. Charles tried to slow his pace down, kissing his earlobe and massaging his scalp, but when Erik pulled down Charles' underwear, he was only half hard. Again, Charles tried to slow it down, bring the passion back with kissing Erik, but he soon found out, that it was their usual fucking as it was before.

"You are so hot", Erik breathed and took Charles cock into his mouth, making him moan. Charles desperately wished, Erik would say he's beautiful once again.

They went on as Charles was painfully used to, fucking in a hard and fast pace, no intimacy given. When Erik came with a low groan, Charles had tears in his eyes, not even close to his own orgasm.

-

Erik pulled out of Charles, closing the condom. He looked at Charles' cock to see that he wasn't even hard anymore and Erik was sure the other boy didn't come.

His heart hurt and he felt like crying for one of the few times of his life. He leaned down again, his hand grabbing Charles' dick and started pumping it lazily, giving small bites and kisses on his neck. He couldn't say anything, the words all caught in his throat.

He felt Charles' cock starting to gain life in his hand, but Charles himself felt dead under him. His pace got faster trying to get a reaction from him, but the only thing he got was a small "Stop" that made his entire body freeze.

He took his hand away, feeling like he had been burned and lifted his head to look at Charles properly for the first time in the evening "I don't feel like it" Charles said and Erik sat back on his heels, noticing the tears on his eyes.

Erik ran his hands over his face, his mind shouting at him that he had practically raped Charles. That he had taken him even when the other boy didn't want to and Erik hated himself more than ever.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he whispered between his fingers "I thought you wanted this, I didn't mean- Oh God, I'm so sorry" he said getting up and starting to put his clothes on, disgusted at himself, tears running down his face without him even realizing. Fuck, he could never see Charles again.

He was fully dressed when he turned around to face Charles, that was sitting on the couch, head resting on his knees "I'm sorry" he said turning to leave, not being able to face Charles after what he had just done.

-

"Wait", his voice was small and weak and Charles hated it.

He hated how this night turned out, how terrible the ending was. He hated that Erik was being back at fucking him with no feelings. But what Charles hated the most, was that he couldn't leave Erik - even if it would have been the best for him.

Erik clearly never intended to be with Charles the way he wanted and it caused only damage, but yet this small word had left Charles' mouth.

He was desperate for Erik to love him.

"I ... ", he didn't even know what to say. Erik stood there, facing Charles but not looking at him, too ashamed to do so. "I ...please don't feel bad, Erik. I guess, I just didn't like the setting or something", he lied, not being able to say those three little words. He knew they would only cause trouble now.

-

Erik's hands were shaking and he felt a desperation inside him that only compared to the day his mother- It felt for a moment that he had done the same thing that man had done to her. How could he have hurt Charles that way?

Even when the other one tried to make him feel better his voice was full of hurt and sadness and it just broke Erik's heart in thousand pieces, making him feel like it could never be repaired again.

"Charles-" he said, his voice was breaking and it didn't sound like him at all "Why didn't you say something?" he asked feeling small and helpless "I wanted it at first, but…" he trailed off and Erik felt like punching himself.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked after a moment, not knowing what to do. All he knew is that he couldn't be the same as Shaw. Not ever. If Charles needed him to stay - as a friend - he would.

*****

As soon as Erik opened the doors of the mansion, he started hearing angry whispers. He didn't know what was happening, but he also didn't want to eavesdrop so he started going to his room. Sadly, Erik had to go by the kitchen and as he was doing so, he heard Moira's voice 'He was your boyfriend, wasn't he?' and stopped dead on his track.

Erik stood there for a while, listening to the conversation without feeling guilty. If they were talking about him, then he surely had the right to hear.

But they weren't just talking, they were fighting. Moira wasn't happy with him being there, and Charles sounded frustrated because of it. It was when she accused him of cheating, that Erik knew he had stayed there for too long, had caused too much damage on Charles' life one more time.

He suddenly remembered Raven's words from earlier 'They're happy and she's very good to him' and decided he had caused enough trouble for Charles already, he wasn't going to let him lose the one good thing in his life because Erik needed help.

Erik went upstairs skipping a few steps and opened the door to his bedroom, he found a piece of paper and used his powers to control one of Charles' fancy metal pen to write down a small note in it. He picked Charles' picture, his wallet and his cellphone - that had no battery - and put them inside his pocket.

It only took him one minute to do that - the fact that he had no belongings helped - and he left the room, passing by the kitchen again and hearing 'Stop being so jealous!'.

Erik left the mansion, closing the doors behind him, leaving only a note on the top of his bed 'Don't fight because of me. I'm not worth it'.

-

Charles decided to wait for Erik. He needed to hear his calm voice, needed to see this sharky smile to soothe him. He wanted another conversation while playing chess like last night.

Hours passed that he spent in the kitchen, waiting for Erik and thinking about his situation. When it went past midnight, Charles got worried and went into Erik's room. It was empty. The wallet gone. The phone gone. The picture of Charles gone. Erik was gone.

His heart sank in disappointment and sadness.

No, no he wouldn't do that again. He wouldn't leave Charles again, not now that he knew how it had hurt Charles the first time.

He was crying when he got out his phone.

**[Charles Xavier]**

**Is Erik still with you?**

**[Raven Darkholme]**

**No. I brought him back hours ago.**

More tears escaped Charles and even a small whimper. No.

**[Raven Darkholme]**

**Is everything alright?**

Charles didn't bother to answer, not wanting to lie nor explain. He looked around the room and saw the little note just yet. He jumped at it, hoping it was good news, but in the end it crashed his hope even more.

He was gone.

Erik had left Charles once again, because he thought so little of him. Charles sat down on the bed, then slowly sinking backwards and curling himself into a little ball.

He didn't go back into Moira's and his room, falling asleep on the bed that had just started to smell like Erik.

He was gone.

-

Erik didn't go too far. He walked until he reached the same bench he had sat with Raven earlier, halfway between the house and the bar.

It was a cold night and he wasn't using the turtleneck. He was using a simple light shirt, his whole body shivering not only from the wind hitting him, but also from what he had just done.

Goddamnit.

Leaving once had been so painful, but leaving twice…

He had gotten Charles back for two days. Two whole days with his face, his smell, his touches. And oh God, the kisses on the corner of his mouth.

He had hoped for a minute there that maybe someday- No, he had done the right thing. Charles didn't need him stirring more problem, he had someone already, and he had to fight for her.

But he loved Charles so much. So much that it literally hurt. Even thinking of him, his rich laugh, his gentle caress, his beautiful blue eyes and gorgeous red mouth made Erik's heart hurt and he didn't even know to deal with that. Was love supposed to hurt so much? Was it supposed to make all the bones of his body ache with longing and need? Was it supposed to make him feel like he couldn't survive without Charles?

He had to. But he didn't want to. No, he did not want to live like this, not with this pain, not without Charles.

He pressed his hands against his eyes, seeing red and started to whisper unconsciously "Nein, nein, nein".

Erik spent the whole night just sitting there and staring at nothing, trying to put his walls up again and avoiding the tears had threatened to leave his eyes. He was not going to cry.


	7. Photograph

It had been two days since Erik had left. Two days of pure suffering for Charles. He didn't care if Moira saw that he still loved him. He didn't care about Moira at the moment anyway. Charles was fully blaming her for Erik's disappearance and haven't spoken more than a handful words to her.

'He is gone. Are you happy now?' - 'Charles, I' - 'Cut it.'

That was about it. He had been avoiding her ever since; sleeping in another room and waking up later so she was already gone to work.

Charles knew, he was about to lose her too, but didn't seem to find the strength to care.

Yesterday he went into the library and saw that their chess game from the other night was still there. He had started to cry once again.

*

"I just want you to want me", he said in a broken whisper, barely being able to hold back a sob.

"Why do you act like you don't care? You have to care!"

Erik didn't answer just as expected. He was clearly feeling something for Charles but being too afraid to show it. Something must have happened in his past, but every time Charles had asked him about it, Erik shut down for almost a week.

"Can you please hold me?", he said after taking a deep breath, knowing he wouldn't get an answer to his previous question.

-

"Of course" Erik answered softly, knowing that was all he could do. He couldn't explain things to Charles, not without letting him see what kind of a bad person he was.

But this… Charles was already clearly attached to Erik and that was not good. He didn't want the other boy to suffer when he had to leave.

He walked back to the couch, Charles was still naked so he picked his underwear before sitting down and gave it to him so he wouldn't feel so exposed. After Charles put it on, Erik put his arm around his shoulders, bringing him firmly to his chest and holding him for almost an entire hour.

When Charles finally moved again, looking more calm, Erik looked at him in the eyes and said "This whole friends with benefits thing isn't working anymore, is it? I think it's best if we stopped sleeping with each other, Charles. But can we please stick to the 'friends' part? I'm not done with you yet".

-

It hurt so much to hear Erik say these things. He needed him, needed to be close to him, kiss him.

Yet, Charles knew it what Erik was saying was right. This whole thing wasn't working anymore. Charles wanted more and after having an hour to think about it, he knew he needed to convince Erik. Cause he certainly wasn't done with Erik yet either.

He would make Erik fall in love with him. Make him open up just for Charles, even if it would take him years. He just knew that one day, Erik would look at him and confess his love to Charles

"Yes", he answered, not sure if to his own thoughts or to Erik.

*

It was a shit weather outside, raining and wind was blowing through the streets. Charles couldn't help but wonder where Erik would be right now.

Moira was already gone to work and told him that she'd come back after the storm, so it might be a bit later. Charles had only nodded in acknowledgment.

-

Erik had just left the bank when it started to rain. He was very frustrated and angry, the rain only adding to his bad mood. Where would he take shelter?

He started walking, hugging himself and rubbing his hands against his arms, trying to get some warmth back.

Erik felt so tired. His stomach had been grumbling for an entire day now, and the ache in his heart hadn't subsided at all.

He walked with no direction in mind, just roaming around the streets and hoping to find a good place to stop. When he did find somewhere to hide from the rain, he felt relieved and a little better.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the water on his hair and then ran his hands through it, trying to get it back in place. Fuck, it was cold.

Erik picked his wallet to check if he hadn't forgotten any document in the bank, but it was not the right decision to make, seeing that the wind had just started to blow with it's full strength. As soon as he opened the wallet, Charles' picture flew away and Erik's heart sank to the ground.

He started running desperately after it, hopelessly trying to catch it mid air, but the wind was too strong and soon he had lost the picture. The rain was strong now, the thick drops were making his skin hurt wherever they touched him, and he felt absolutely and completely sad.

He felt like he had just lost his last connection to Charles, like he had just lost him forever. And in that moment, Erik broke down. His frustration, tiredness and sadness catching up with him. The tears started running down his face, mixing up with the rain, and he started sobbing loudly, a painful sound coming out of his throat.

He looked around to where the picture had guided him and recognized the familiar bench he had sat on two days ago, and his feet started running without his command.

He ran until his lungs burned and his feet hurt. He ran until he reached the mansion again and he banged loudly on the door, crying and desperate.

Erik waited and banged again, praying that Charles would be there, because he couldn't be gone. And when the door opened and Erik actually saw the other man he let go of his control.

"I love you" he said sobbing "I love you so much I can't breathe. I can't eat and I can't sleep because I won't stop thinking about you. It feels like I have this disease that stops me from doing anything else apart from missing you. My whole body hurts with the longing and the need. Oh God, I love you, I love you, I love you, Charles, so much. I always did".

-

Charles was startled to say the least. Seeing Erik was filling his heart with warmth, but seeing how he looked like left a worried note to it.

He was overwhelmed by the confession from Erik and didn't know how to react.

'I love you too' was at the tip of his tongue, but he didn't dare to say it. He had told it only two persons in his life and one was standing in front of him right now after breaking his heart twice.

"You are soaked", he said in a firm voice, hiding all his feelings behind it.

This must have been how Erik had felt like all the time. In need to hide his feelings, because he didn't trust.

"Come in, I'll give you warm clothes and make you a tea while you can take a shower." Charles grabbed Erik's hand and pulled him inside, shutting the door behind him and leaving no option to leave.

-

Erik didn't know how he expected Charles to react because he hadn't know he was going to confess his love until the moment he did. But every time he had imagined this scenario, Charles had looked at him with pure happiness and had said the words back before kissing him breathlessly.

Of course that's not what happened. He had missed his chance ten years ago.

"No, I didn't come here to cause more problems. I just needed to tell you this, I needed you to know because-" he couldn't finish his sentence, because a cough came from deep inside his chest, and it really made it hurt.

His head was also pounding awfully, and Erik suddenly felt like he would pass out at any minute. It took him a second to make the decision that he could let Charles take care of him. He could let Charles see him with his guard down, and see how much Erik really trusted him.

He was shaking, and his legs hurt too much so Erik said "I think I might need your help to go upstairs" his voice raspy because his throat was sore. He felt horribly vulnerable and avoided Charles' eyes at all cost.

He felt embarrassed at the thought of his arms shaking too much for him to undress himself, but when Charles came closer and wrapped a firm arm around his waist, Erik forgot his worry and leaned on him, being guided through the corridors and stairs.

*

Erik smiled warmly at Charles, happy that he had agreed it was best if they just stayed as friends. He did his best to not show how much that wanted to make him lay down and cry for hours.

"How about we cook that dinner?" he asked still feeling guilty and wanted to please the other boy "I'm a great cook". He could handle this. It's not like being friends was going to get out of control like the meaningless sex had.

-

Charles wasn't hungry at all, but he didn't want Erik to leave. He knew, Erik was just feeling guilty right now, that he wouldn't have offered this in a normal situation.

"Okay", he still agreed and started dressing himself up.

During that hour of just crying and thinking, Charles had built a small wall up, putting all the pain away behind it. From outside, he now looked like everything was fine again.

They cooked dinner together, Charles bumping into Erik more than usual, leaving lingering touches on the other man's body. He wanted to make Erik see what he was missing.

Still, when they were done, Charles wasn't hungry and he just moved his food from one side of the plate to another. They were silent.

He looked up to see Erik and smiled at him a little.

-

Cooking dinner with Charles had been heaven and hell at the same time.

Charles had used every little opportunity to touch him and tease him, and Erik had felt his heart flipping around every time. He was unable to pull Charles in a deep kiss though. They were not doing that and he was too scared to touch the other man again anyway.

When Charles looked up at him and gave him a small smile he felt even sadder because it didn't quite reach his eyes and Erik knew it was his fault. He forced himself to eat a little but he couldn't start a conversation and they stayed in a awkward silence for the first time since they met.

He sighed when Charles only continued to play with his food and wondered if it was best for him to just leave already. Instead, he asked; 'Do you want to do something? We can play chess or watch a movie'.

-

He couldn't do this. It was too painful to see Erik and act like friends even though Charles wanted so much more. Charles still wanted to see Erik and he was sure, he could convince him to give them a chance. It was just too much for one day, being rejected by Erik and having to suppress his feelings once again. He couldn't just act like everything was okay now.

"Maybe another time. I am a bit tired, I'd like to rest now", he said in a monotonous voice. His eyes fell on Erik and he saw once again, how guilty the other man looked.

"Okay sure", Erik answered and stood up from his chair. "Shall I help you clean up?" - "no."

They walked to the door in an uncomfortable silence and Charles opened it.

"It.. was good seeing you again, Erik. Maybe we can meet in a bar on the weekend", Charles tried to soothe the situation and Erik nodded.

All Charles wanted to do was kiss Erik now like he was used to, but he couldn't have even hug him without breaking into tears. This all felt way too much of a break up. Charles wanted to throw up.

"Goodbye", he said in a broken voice and closed the door, before Erik could answer.

Then he started crying.

-

Erik felt the hot tears prickling on his eyes but he didn't let them out. He climbed on his motorcycle and went for another long ride.

It had been really selfish of him to say that they should still be friends, that clearly wasn't going to work. He decided not to come over again. Not even text Charles anymore, the other boy needed his space, they both needed time to heal from that disastrous night.

*

On the way up to his room, Erik stopped crying but his eyes kept burning from the effort.

Charles was helping him with a steady arm and professional movements when a thought crossed Erik's mind and he stopped walking.

'You should… Ask Moira if this is okay' he said trying to make things differently this time.

'She's at work' Charles answered in a flat voice 'C'mon we need to get you in the shower'.

Erik nodded and started coughing again. When they finally reached his room he wished to just lay down forever, but he was soaked and shaking so Charles guided him to the bathroom.

-

Erik looked really terrible, once Charles got to see him in the light. His eyes were red and he was so pale, his coughing sounded very dangerous.

Charles decided in the bathroom, that Erik needed a bath and not just a shower. He started filling the water into the bathtub and put some good smelling shampoo in it.

'Okay, I will help you getting rid of those wet closes now'. He saw how much Erik was shivering and got more worried with every second.

Erik seemed to want to protest, but Charles just started by lifting his shirt off. He had seen him naked so many times, it didn't bother him. Besides, Erik was barely able to move right now.

After what seemed like an eternity, Charles finally managed to get rid of all clothes from Erik and the bathtub was just ready. He helped him inside and Erik seemed to relax instantly.

"I'm gonna get you new clothes and a towel, stay here. You need to warm up again." Charles rushed into the dressing room to get Erik a turtleneck and some comfortable pants. Then he grabbed a new towel and went to the bathroom again.

"Here. I will make you a tea and something to eat. When you are ready, just come into the kitchen", he said and put the things on a small chair. Then he went downstairs to make Erik the promised food.

It took Erik at least ten minutes to stop shaking, and then ten more to start moving his arms again.

His body felt completely relaxed and he was warm again, his heart though, was still shredded inside his chest.

He hadn't meant to say those words, really. They just came out flying from his mouth the same second he saw Charles.

Those words were long overdue and he knew Charles deserved to hear them, but not now, not like this. He deserved them ten years ago.

He started washing himself with an awful feeling at the pit of his stomach and a bitter taste on his mouth. No answer had been answer enough. And now Charles was helping him and it was just- ughh he didn't know.

When Erik finally climbed out of the bathtub he started drying and dressing himself, thankful for everything Charles was doing.

He went to stand in front of the mirror and his own face scared him. He was pale and his cheeks had hollowed slightly. His eyes were red with dark circles underneath it and he had a red hair stubble.

He decided not to shave with the silly thought that Charles had always liked his stubble, even though now he wasn't attractive at all.

When he came out of the bathroom he was starting to feel like a person again and had already formed a plan inside his mind. He would stay for tonight and accept the help. Then maybe he and Charles could talk and for the first time he would be completely honest to him. At the end, he would explain why he couldn't stay and he would make Charles understand it, he would make Charles see he was right. But if Charles didn't agree with him on that then he would have to stay. He couldn't leave Charles once again.

-

'I love you Charles. So much. I always did' Erik's words where ghosting through Charles' mind as he was making him a sandwich. He wasn't prepared to see Erik again; not like this, never. But he certainly wasn't prepared for those words that had left Erik's mouth. It felt like they were laughing at him now. 'Look, what I could have told you ten years ago, but I didn't because I love you so much'. Charles huffed at that voice in his mind and tried to shield his heart for the pain that was to come. The worst thing was, Charles would forgive him. He had always known that when Erik would stay in front of his door and beg him to take him back - he would do it.

When Erik finally came into the kitchen, Charles pointed wordlessly at the tea and food on the table and sat across from there.

"Are you feeling better?", Charles asked as Erik put his hands around the mug to warm them.

"Warmer at least. Thank you", Erik answered, lost in his thoughts. "Good. The food will help and I will see if I have some medication left."

Erik nodded and seemed to break out of his trance, starting to eat hungrily.

They stayed silent for a while and just when Erik was about to finish his sandwich, Charles couldn't hold onto himself anymore.

"Why did you leave again?"


	8. There's Good Too

Erik put the rest of his sandwich down and stared at Charles for a while before speaking "I'm starting to realize that nothing I can say will make it better, Charles" he said sadly. "So I guess… I should just settle for the truth for once, shouldn't I?".

Charles just kept silent, looking at him with such intensity Erik was sure he could see inside his soul.

"I left because that's what I do. I came home-" he slipped "I came here, after going to the bar and you were fighting with Moira because of me; she accused you of cheating and I could feel how mad you were at her. And Raven had just told me how happy Moira made you, how it took you long to find someone that was good for you like she is, and I… I couldn't take that away from you. I left the first time and I hurt you so bad - just like I hurt myself - and I couldn't do that again, I couldn't come back here after ten years and make you lose the one thing that means the most to you. I didn't want you to lose her, I didn't want to cause more damage, I'm not worth it, not after everything I did to you. So I thought… well, I had been here for only two days, maybe it was better to leave before..." he trailed off not wanting to assume something could have happened between them, that Charles could have fallen in love again.

He said it all slowly, trying to control his feelings, trying not to break down again when he had to say those things about Charles and Moira.

-

"You didn't want me to lose the one thing that means most to me?", Charles couldn't believe what Erik just said, staring blankly at him.

After so much time that Charles invested into Erik, so much effort and heart to make their relationship work. After basically begging Erik to stay here, even though Charles had Moira.

Erik should have know, he just should have.

"Erik, you mean the most to me", he said calmly, looking him directly into the eyes.

*

Charles couldn't sleep that night or the night after, all his thoughts just circling around Erik. On the third sleepless night, he decided to go out.

He had never been one to drink his sorrow away, but he just needed some sleep and maybe alcohol would help him with that.

He drank five shots and two beers, before he was basically kicked out of the bar. Charles had constantly talked about Erik with everyone, annoying the guests away, until he had been kicked out.

"Get some sleep, pal", the barkeeper said to him, before closing the door right in front of Charles. If it was just that easy.

Charles felt lightheaded and was sure, that he would have a hangover tomorrow. How come Erik wasn't here to stop him? Why wasn't he here, when Charles felt sick so suddenly that he threw up right in front of the bar? Where was he?

Charles got his phone out and dealt Erik's number. It rang at least five times, before a sleepy sounding Erik picked up.

"Charles? Is that you?", his voice was raspy and just hearing it, made Charles long for his touch.

"Wher'are you?", Charles asked this important question. "What? I am at the hotel, you know that. It's in the middle of the night, Charles." - "Ts funny how you say hotel. You soun' germ'n when you say it. Hotel… hootel..hotel", Charles tasted the word on his tongue and giggled. "Love your germ'n acc'nt."

-

"Where are you, Charles?" Erik asked filled with worry. Charles had never been one to drink until he was almost passing out, but he surely sounded like it now.

"At the bar… I mean, the shhtreet" - "Where?" - "Stupi' guy kick' me out" he slurred and Erik jumped out of bed, while he kept talking on his ear "Wher' are you again? You shoul' be 'ere" - "Charles, listen to me" - "'kay" - "Stay put, alright? I'm coming to get you" and then Charles finished the call without answering.

"Fuck" Erik sweared, praying that the other one had actually listened to him and wouldn't do anything stupid or wouldn't leave.

He ran down the stairs of the hotel, not being able to wait for the elevator, and as soon as he stepped out he realized he couldn't go with his motorcycle - he didn't think Charles would be able to hold himself during the ride.

There was a cab just in front of the hotel and a woman was walking towards it, hand reaching out to open the door, when Erik ran forward and pushed her away rather rudely "Hey!" she yelled, but Erik was already inside the cab and saying the address to the bar.

"Can't you go faster?" he asked and got a glare in response.

When they finally got there, Erik's heart was filled with relief to see Charles waiting. But his stomach turned around seeing him sitting on the ground next to a puddle of puke. "Wait here" he told the driver and sprung out of the car before it had even stopped.

"Charles?" he called kneeling down and putting a hand on the other boy's shoulder "You 'ere" he said with fogged eyes "Yes" Erik whispered pulling Charles' head to his chest.

"C'mon, I'm going to take you home" he said after a minute and stood up, pulling Charles with him. The other boy stumbled on his feet and Erik catched him with firm arms around his waist. He half pulled Charles all the way to the cab, and when they were finally inside, Charles was clutching Erik's shirt and resting his head on his shoulder.

"If he throws up in here-" the driver started and Erik cut him off "I'll buy you a new car, now drive" he said giving the address to Charles' house while he ran his fingers through the other boy's hair.

-

It felt so good to breathe Erik's scent again and feel his hands running through Charles' hair. He hummed happily, clinging on the other man's shirt and closed his eyes. He finally felt tired for the first time.

"Don't fall asleep, Charles. Just a few more minutes", Erik's voice kept him awake.

Charles wasn't even realising where they were or what they are doing, but ten minutes later Erik helped him out of the car again.

"You smell so good", Charles murmured into Erik's shirt and breathed in his scent once again. His hands were wrapped around Erik's neck and the other man was touching him everywhere.

"Hmmh feels good", he hummed and Erik silently cursed, while murmuring "where are your damn keys?"

Charles just giggled and his eyes fell shut again, almost falling asleep while leaning on Erik.

"Charles? No, no! Don't fall asleep. Talk to me", he heard Erik's voice and sighed. He just wanted to sleep.

"Ve missed your touch", he slurred, eyes still closed and face pressed into the crook of Erik's neck. "Don' leave me. You are my world, Erik. Did you know tha'? You mean evrythin' to me, I couldn' live withou' you."

-

Erik felt his heart break even though the words had meant so much to him. His vision got blurry because he suddenly felt like crying, but he shook his head to keep it together.

He finally found the keys inside Charles' jeans pocket and the other man hummed when he put his hand inside of it "So good" he breathed nuzzling Erik's neck and making him shiver.

He opened the door to the mansion and pulled Charles inside, closing it behind them. Just as soon as he stepped in the hall, he felt Charles' wet lips on his skin and sighed "Charles?" he called, "let's get you in bed". He held the other man firmly and pushed him away from his neck, looking him in the eyes "C'mon" he said gently, but Charles' face had turned into a grimace and Erik frowned.

"I think I'm going to be sick" was all he could say before bending over and throwing up on the hardwood floor. Erik held him through it, his shoes getting dirty on the process and his hands keeping Charles' hair out of his face.

When he was done, Charles looked awful and Erik was scared he would pass out. He put his arms under the other boy's knee and held him on the shoulders, carrying Charles all the way to his room.

When they got there, Erik placed Charles on his bed and ran to the bathroom to get a towel and wet it a little on the sink. He came back and used it to clean the other man's mouth gently.

-

Somehow in his blurred mind, Charles realised that Erik was about to leave when he was done, cleaning Charles up. He didn't want him to leave.

"Don' go", he murmured and grabbed on Erik's shirt. He wanted to pull him down and kiss him breathless, but Erik was resisting, breaking Charles heart. He needed his touch.

"Le's go back to fuck'ng, mmhk? I don' care, I jus' wanna be close to you. Need you. Please", he begged, still trying to pull Erik closer.

"Charles, you need sleep", Erik tried to calm him, but he didn't understand.

"No, need you! I love you, Erik", he said the last part as clear as he could, not wanting Erik to not understand him.

-

Erik froze for a second and Charles took advantage of it to pull him closer. Their lips were almost touching together and Erik had to screw his eyes shut to gather his thoughts. He needed to calm Charles down and then decide what the hell he would do now.

"Okay, okay" he said with a soft voice "But you just threw up, do you really want to kiss me now?" his words were cutting deep on his heart because he knew they were just meant to distract him.

"Guess not" Charles said his arms falling from Erik's shirt "Get some sleep ok?" he said, his voice shaking and his hand still going through the other boy's hair.

"See you in the mornin'" Charles whispered and Erik almost didn't listen to it.

His eyes were falling shut and Erik saw the exact moment he fell asleep. Erik sat down in the bed, putting his hands on his face and then pulling his hair hard "I do love you too" he whispered knowing Charles wasn't going to listen to it.

He got up, made his way down to the hall and cleaned the dirty floor before leaving the mansion and going back to the hotel to check out of it.

*

Erik stared at Charles, his mouth half opened and eyes wide because of the words the other man had just said. Was it possible that… He felt so hopeful but yet so helpless. What should he do? Did Charles really mean that?

"But if you knew the things I've done, if you knew what kind of person I am, you wouldn't feel the same way, Charles. I'm not a good person and I can't bring you down with me. You're the only light I know, you're the only part of my life where I actually felt happy."

-

"Then tell me, Erik! For god's sake, tell me what happened! I have always respected you and didn't look in your head for the answer, now look where it got us!" Charles stood up and went around the table, leaning down right in front of Erik. He cupped his head in his hands and pressed their foreheads together.

"Please tell me what happened, Erik. I want to help you", he whispered, his heart beating in a forbidden fast pace.

Charles needed to know, needed to see that Erik trusted him now. He couldn't even dare to think of any development in their relationship if Erik was still shutting him out.

'You told me you would find a way to never have to give me up again. This is the way, Erik.'

-

Erik heard the words inside his head and closed his eyes sighing. He reached over with his hands and put them both on Charles' face, caressing his cheek with his thumb "Okay" he said softly "Okay" Charles mirrored and pulled away, sitting next to Erik and putting his hand on the table, with his palm turned upwards.

Erik tentatively held the other man's hand, feeling the softness he had always loved. Charles' hands were big and manly, he had a firm and strong touch, but his skin had always been silky and Erik could remember exactly how it felt running down his body.

He took a deep breath and started talking, telling his whole story with no lies for the first time in his life "The day we met I was following a lead on Shaw that took me nowhere... so I went to the bar feeling frustrated. I overheard you and Raven talking about mutants and the school you wanted to open and I felt incredibly drawn to you, attracted to your… not only your looks but also your intellect. After that I was so lost in you, that I got distracted and I almost gave up on my mission. But the day you said you loved me, I-" he paused to still his shaky voice "It reminded me of the only other person who had said that to me; my mother. And it reminded me that I had given up on her, so I couldn't stay, I couldn't be worthy of your love if I wasn't going to honour it like I wasn't honouring hers."

Charles' face was impossible to read, and his hand under Erik's felt dead. He knew it was hard for him to hear those words, and it was also hard for Erik to say them. He needed a little support so he tightened his grip on the other man's hand before continuing to speak, looking down at the floor.

"I was coming home from school one day, I was around 10 back then, and when I got inside my house, I could hear shouts coming from my mother's room. She and Shaw were fighting, you see, he was her boyfriend back then. So I went inside my room and stayed there, waiting for them to stop, waiting for them to notice I was there. But then… something changed. I didn't realize it back then, it took me a few years to understand it… You know, the sound of two people having sex is so much different than the sound of a person being raped. I was frozen inside my room, I couldn't do anything, move or speak, nothing. And when she finally stopped screaming, I found my strength again and I got out of my room… I saw-" he paused again to swallow the knot on his throat "I saw him taking his hands off her neck and just like that she was gone... That day Charles, the last day we were together, oh God, it was the worst day of my life, I couldn't believe what I had done to you, I never regretted anything so much, I'm still so sorry". The tears were coming out of his eyes and he let go of Charles' hand to dry his face.

-

So many feelings were buried so deep into Erik for so long and now that they had reached the surface, Charles could feel every single one of them. For once in his life, Charles didn't know what to say or do to make Erik feel better.

"Erik, Erik listen to me", he said in a calm voice that didn't seem to come from himself, since he was feeling unsettled and terribly sad.

Charles put his hand under Erik's chin and pushed his face up. "You don't need to be sorry for what you did. I didn't consider it rape at all, not back then and not now. I could have told you to stop earlier and you would have. That makes you so much better than Shaw."

Erik needed to see that he shouldn't blame himself for that.

"And I am terribly sorry for what Shaw did to your mother. No words can describe how you must have felt. He got what he deserved, but now you need to focus on the good in your life again, the good memories with her. You are so much more than pain and anger, Erik."

-

"I don't know if I am" Erik answered, his heart already accepting the words Charles had offered. That it hadn't been as bad as Erik thought.

"All I know is pain and anger, Charles. I tortured people, I killed a man. I'm not good. And you, you are my light. Whenever I needed to ground myself, to remember that life was more than what I had I would think of you, I would look at your picture. I don't know how you could ever see past what I've done, what I am. And I'm sorry I came over here tonight and threw all those words at you. I just… I lost your picture. The wind made it fly away and I needed to see you so much, I needed to say that-" he finished the rest of his sentence in a low unsure and hopeless tone "- that if you thought one day you could feel the same again… I never stopped loving you".

-

Charles swallowed thickly, unsure what to say.

"Erik, do you think my love for you could ever just stop?"

He took Erik's hand once again and guided it to his mouth. Charles pressed his lips gently on his palm and looked Erik in the eye. He couldn't kiss him, even though his heart was yearning for it.

"But this is a topic for another time. Please, I need you to see that there is good too in you", Charles then said.

-

Erik didn't know what to say, his eyes still glued to Charles' lips after he kissed his palm. It had been the sweetest of the kisses and there was a warmth in Erik's heart like he hadn't felt in years.

Charles' words… He still loved Erik. He couldn't even believe that!

"Charles, I-" he started, the answer suddenly so clear in front of him. He turned their hands so this time he was the one holding Charles' and he pulled it until it rested pressed against his temple. Then, he picked his other hand and guided it to the other side of his head.

"I don't know what you're going to see, and I don't know if it's going to prove anything because I'm not even sure there's good inside of me, but you can look. You can search inside my mind, you can see everything, I'm all yours" he whispered solemnly.

-

Charles' heart was beating fast against his chest, his palms getting sweaty. This moment right there was the most intimate moment he had ever encountered. Erik opening up, letting all his guards down and Charles in.

"Are you sure?", he asked breathless and Erik nodded, closing his eyes.

Charles took a deep breath and then he dived into Erik's mind, his past, his memories and connected emotions. He grew old with Erik in such a short time, reliving his first school day and that one Christmas when it had been snowing like crazy and everything looked like a winter-wonderland. He got to know Erik's mother and how much she cared about Erik. Just when he was about to reach his memories from when he was ten, Charles stopped, feeling too intrusive. This memory belonged to Erik and just him. He had already shared so much with Charles about it and he didn't want to bring the past back again.

Instead, Charles focused on a small memory, when Erik came home from school about one year earlier. He had drawn his mother and showed it to her proudly. It made Charles smile and he shared this long lost memory with Erik. He also showed him that day when Erik brought his mother flowers that he got from their neighbour's garden and that day when he cared for her, because she had been sick.

When Charles opened his eyes again, he realised that tears were running down his and Erik's cheeks. He used one hand to wipe them away and gave the other man a small smile.

"There is good too, Erik. I felt it", he whispered.

-

"Those memories, I-" Erik started out of breath "Thank you for them".

Charles' hands were still on his face and Erik's own hands had made their way around Charles' neck while he looked inside his mind.

Erik was caressing his neck, his fingers playing with the hair there, feeling the softness and trying to calm himself down. Charles' smell was helpful and Erik realized he didn't have a hint of Moira in it anymore, his heart fluttered almost painfully with the happiness he felt.

Erik suddenly brought Charles closer, needing to feel him, needing to show how thankful he was. Charles saying that there was good inside of him gave him hope that maybe everything was going to be okay after all.

He leaned forward and kissed the corner of the other man's mouth, just like he had done to Erik before. "Thank you" he repeated making a trail of small wet kisses until he reached Charles' ear "Is this okay?" he asked rather insecure - which he wasn't used to at all.

Charles gave a small nod as answer and Erik kissed him close to his ear, his fingers still playing with the hair on the nape of the other man's neck.

"What else do you want to know? I'll tell you anything, everything" he said, not pulling away yet.

-

He wanted to know everything and nothing. Charles wanted every little detail out of Erik's life, absorbing every small detail he'd give him. But right now, he wanted nothing more than to kiss Erik.

Charles turned his head and looked at Erik's lips, those damn perfect lips that he had kissed so many times and never got enough of. He had missed the feeling of Erik's rough stubble on his face, his firm hands grabbing him by his waist and pulling Charles closer. Charles wanted to feel all of this again, right now.

"Right now, I just…", he trailed off.

He leaned closer and looked from Erik's lips into his eyes and back, silently asking for permission. When no protest came, he was about to close the small gap between them, but Erik suddenly bursted out coughing. Charles quickly came back to reality and felt nothing but shame, that he almost cheated on his girlfriend.  
Erik still looked terribly sick and Charles instantly worried about him.  
"Come on, let's get you to bed, okay?", he asked and stood up, needing to put a little space between them.

-

"Okay" Erik said, his voice sounding a little too sad.

He couldn't have coughed any other time, could he? He got up and followed Charles out of the kitchen. They got up the stairs, both silent and lost in thought stopping awkwardly at Erik's door.

He opened his mouth to say something, but at the same time he did, they heard "Charles? I'm home" from downstairs and Erik's heart dropped to the floor. He had almost forgotten for a second that even though Charles had said he loved him, he still had Moira. And maybe his love for her was bigger.

Fuck, if he could have just kissed him in the kitchen, then Charles would remember how it felt like for them, how it seemed that with every kiss they were touching each other's souls, connecting in a way that couldn't even be explained - even when they were just fucking it felt like that to Erik.

Charles was frozen to the spot, his eyes wide and Erik instantly felt bad about the whole situation "I don't want to cause any problem, okay?" he said "Please just tell me what you do, what you need from me. If you decide… If you want me to go, I'll go. I just want you to be happy. But Charles, I love you. I do. And I will tell you and show you that every day if you give me the chance" he said the words in a rush, not wanting to be caught there with Charles and start any more fights.

He reached over and looked at Charles' eyes as lovingly as he could, his gaze flickering from one eye to another, and his thumb brushing on Charles' bottom lip, parting his mouth in the process.

He felt coins inside Moira's pocket as she started going upstairs and let go of Charles, regretting they didn't have at least one kiss and entered his room, closing the door behind him.


	9. I felt it

Charles was frozen to the ground, when Moira reached him. She looked at him cold as usually since their fight, but then worry seemed to fill her face.  
"What's wrong?", she asked, getting closer. She put a hand on Charles' cheek and it burned like fire even if it was ice cold.

"Erik is back", he said in a firm tone and she moved her hand away as if she'd been slapped.

"What? Why?" - "Let's not talk here about it", Charles answered and just walked away.

*

When Charles woke up the next day - it wasn't morning anymore - Erik was gone. And he had the worst hangover ever. But Erik was gone.

He knew it instantly, not feeling the other man's presence anywhere in the house. His heart sank. Charles remembered everything from the night and felt guilty for how he was shamelessly throwing himself on Erik. He needed to apologise … and maybe ask why Erik didn't stay.

Charles dialed Erik's number, but only got some woman's voice saying, that this number wasn't active. He dialed again and again, sending messages that weren't delivered. With every failed call or message his heart sank deeper, until it was buried in the ground.

Despite his hangover, Charles got dressed and drove to Erik's hotel, only to be told that the room Erik had stayed in, was free to book again.

'No. This cannot be. He cannot abandon me like that. Not my Erik', Charles thought, while pacing around in front of the hotel.

"But I love you", he whispered to the sky.

-

Erik didn't take too long to gather his things and leave the hotel. He only had a few belongings - a wallet, his cellphone and a picture he had stolen from Charles' room- and he always left his few items of clothing behind when moving away.

He had gotten in touch with his contacts and decided to follow a lead on Shaw that was the furthest away from Charles as possible and now he was on the way to the airport to travel away.

His heartache from the thought that Charles was probably awake by now and if he had tried to reach Erik he already knew he was gone. God, this was the most difficult thing he had ever done. He imagined that taking Shaw's life wouldn't be half as hard.

He dried the lonely tear that escaped his eye as he waited for the call to board on the plane and tried to distract himself - which didn't work. His cell phone wasn't working anymore, but for some reason he didn't want to let go of it, hoping that maybe, just maybe Charles would find a way to reach him.

He had to leave. He had to. This was for the best. Charles didn't need to be in love with a murderer.

*

Erik lay down in bed, his head was pounding but he and Charles had forgotten about the painkiller after they started talking.

He sighed, sinking as deep as possible on his soft pillow. It had a hint of Charles' scent in it and he wondered if the other man had slept there at some point after he left.

What would happen now? He had opened himself up, had poured his heart out and said the words he had always wanted to say. If Charles took him back- God, he could barely think of it without wanting to giggle. He would make Charles so happy, so loved, so complete. He would give him everything, all his heart, his body, his mind.

But if Charles was to choose Moira… Then Erik would have to leave again, and this time would be forever. He couldn't bare to think of that.

Erik started to think of a future with Charles, wishing that the other man would slip in his room so they could sleep together. Just sleep, hugging and feeling each other, something they had only done once, and even then it had involved sex.

He fell asleep in a few minutes - hoping and wishing - his tired body shutting down and his mind trying to run away from the possibility of not being with Charles after all.

-

Moira and Charles didn't speak much after they had gone to a different room.

'Why is he back?' - 'He needed shelter.' - 'When will he leave?' - 'Never.' Silence.

'Will you come to bed?' - 'I'll sleep somewhere else.' And with that they had gone their separate ways, Charles into another guest room and Moira sleeping in their bedroom.

The next morning, he met her in the kitchen as she was already drinking her morning coffee. Charles barely slept last night, his thoughts circling around Erik's promise and his relationship with Moira.

As he was making his tea, wondering if he should make one for Erik as well, Moira started talking. "You're going to break up with me, aren't you?" Her voice was small, but she didn't seem as shattered by the realisation.

Charles immediately turned around to look at her confused. "Why do you think that? I was thinking about making another cup of tea and not something like that", he immediately started to justify himself.

Moira just sighed. "For a Telepath, you can really be narrow minded sometimes, Charles." She got up and walked towards him, until she stopped right in front of him. Then she raised one hand and brushed one strand of hair out of Charles' face, giving him a small smile.

"You love him so much, a blind man can see that. That's why I wanted him out of the house, 'cause I knew he was a threat to our relationship. But when he was gone, I realised that I had already lost you." She sounded sadder towards the end, not looking Charles in the eyes anymore.

He didn't know what to say. "I love you, Moira. I really do." - "I know. You just love him more." She was always good at reading him, knowing exactly what he'd been thinking. More than once, Charles had asked her if she was a Telepath as well.

"I think, I should get myself a hotel room now." - "You don't have to, I mean here -" - "Charles, please. It's never pleasant to see the person you love being with somebody else. I think, Erik can agree with me here."

She had moved towards the kitchen table again after the last sentence, downing her coffee. Charles felt hollow and sad, he really didn't want to lose her, but knew it was the best decision. His heart just belonged to Erik.

"I'll get my clothes and some other stuff after work. The rest I'll pick up when I find something better than a hotel room", Moira then stated and put the coffee mug into the sink. Charles felt terrible and guilty, wanting to soothe Moira's pain that he could feel.

"You know, I could erase some memories", he offered, but she shook her head. "Don't you dare taking a single one of those beautiful memories from me. I'll get over it eventually. Please, just be happy. You deserve it", she said and got closer once again. Her lips brushed Charles' for a small, lingering kiss. Then she pulled away.  
"You do too, Moira", Charles breathed and he meant it. She had helped him so much, opened him up again after so many years.

Moira simply nodded and after a small "Goodbye, Charles" she was gone.

Charles just sat on the table with his already cold tea and stared out of the window.

-

Erik woke up earlier than he thought he would. He had hoped he would sleep for the entire morning, even after lunch, to get some rest now that he was in a proper bed, but that wasn't the case.

He got up and felt a little nervous about leaving his room, not wanting to bump into Moira and being slightly scared to see Charles now that he had had some time to think and process everything they had talked about last night.

Still, he left the room and started going to the kitchen, his stomach begging for him to put something in there. He coughed all the way down there, his throat and head feeling much worse even after a night of sleep. He realised then, he hadn't woken up in the middle of the night this time, which was good.

When Erik got to the kitchen, Charles was sitting in one of the chairs, a cup of tea in front of him, and staring out the window. He seemed to be sitting there for a while now, his mug still full and looking cold since there was no steam coming out of it.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Erik asked softly, pulling Charles out of his daze. The other man stared at him, opening his mouth and closing it, then looking down. Erik went over to him and picked his cup of tea, throwing it away and making another one.

He did it silently and when he was over, he put Charles' on the table and sat across from him, already nursing his own cup.

"What happened?" he tried again, and Charles took a sip of his tea before talking "Moira, she… we broke up" he said in a sad voice that cut Erik's heart.

He barely felt happy seeing how it had affected Charles and immediately got up, going to stand in front of him. He didn't know if his touch would be accepted right now, but he still tried. He pulled Charles in a hug, the other man's head resting on his stomach and started to thread his fingers through his hair "I'm so sorry, Charles" he said honestly, not liking to see him like that. "Is there anything I can do?"

-

It was a bliss to breathe Erik's scent, already calming Charles down.

"You already do enough, thank you for that. It was for the best, because now I can be with you", he said softly, letting go of Erik and looking him in the eyes.

As much as Charles wanted to kiss Erik now, it wouldn't feel right. So he settled for putting a hand on Erik's cheek as he stood up and kissing the corner of his mouth.

"And I want to be with you. Just give me some more time to settle my life again", he whispered close to Erik's face.

-

"Of course, my love" he said, tasting the nickname on his tongue and feeling more than giddy. Charles wanted to be with him. He chose him.

He cupped Charles' face between his hands and kissed him softly on the nose before pulling away "Did you have breakfast yet?" - "No" - "How do you feel about pancakes again? I think I should learn how to cook something else for breakfast, but that's all I got for now" he babbled wanting to distract Charles from any sadness.

"Pancakes are perfect" Charles answered and he gave him a small smile, instead of his full sharky one, wanting to be respectful.

Erik started opening cabinets and pulling out ingredients and pans, talking about everything and nothing all the while "There's this really good movie that I wanted to watch, I don't know if you've seen it, but it's about a guy-" he kept on talking and talking and Charles answered him with not so much enthusiasm, but enough.

When Erik was about to flip the pancake he called for Charles to help him, and asked the other man to do it. Charles' first attempt lead them to lose the pancake and Erik laughed at him gently, thinking it was rather adorable. The second time around, he held Charles' hand and they flipped it perfectly together.

When all the pancakes were done, they settled on the table to eat, and Erik thought he had done a rather good job of distracting Charles.

-

It was fun to make those pancakes with Erik. So much, that Charles found himself getting hungry again once they were done. He ate his with whipped cream and strawberries, Erik just smiling and shaking his head unbelievingly at him.

Once they ate the whole stack of pancakes, Charles got up and walked around the table.

"I'll do the dishes. You need to rest more", he said to Erik, who already looked exhausted again. "I'll bring you medication once I'm done."

Erik seemed like he wanted to protest, but Charles just pulled him up and shoved him gently towards the stairs.

"Go, Erik. You are ill and I need you to recover soon." - "Why?", the other man asked, turning around once again.

Charles blushed slightly. "So I can kiss you properly", he answered with a small smile. He didn't want Erik to wait any longer for him and Charles couldn't wait either. Just maybe a few more days.

-

"I actually feel so much better" Erik said teasingly and then put on a serious face, so Charles wouldn't think that he wasn't going to wait. "I'll do the dishes next time, okay?" he asked and the other one nodded.

Erik turned around and went upstairs, the cough shaking his body and making his chest hurt. God, he was never going to run during a storm again.

He got to his room and went straight to the bathroom to retrieve his wallet and cellphone from the jeans pocket. His clothes from last night were still soaked and Erik made a mental note to put them to dry when he wasn't feeling as tired as he was right now.

He checked himself in the mirror to see that his dark circles weren't so bad anymore, but his face was still sickly pale, his cheeks still a little hollowed - how was Charles even thinking about kissing him looking like that?

He shook his head and went back to the room, falling in the bed and just staring at the ceiling, thinking that maybe he should have picked a book or something. But his head hurt too much for that, so he just waited until Charles could come up with his pill… Maybe after that he could even take a nap.

-

Charles came into the room after washing the dishes, carrying a tablet. On it were another cup of tea, some painkillers and some liquid medication against Erik's cough. Also a glass of cool water and a banana, if Erik would wake up later and feel hungry.

"Here you go", he said and put the tablet down on the nightstand. "Take the medication now and try to rest a little. I'll come back later to look after you."

"Thank you, Charles", Erik answered, already taking the pill.

"Tissues are in the drawer, in case your nose gets blocked. I'll be in the office if you need anything", Charles smiled a little at Erik and kissed his forehead before leaving the room.

-

Erik took the medication for his throat and drank more water. He fell asleep a few minutes later when the medicine started to work on his body.

When he woke up again he didn't know what time it was and Charles wasn't there. He felt hungry so picked the banana the other man had left for him and ate it quietly.

After, he went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, his mouth still tasting like the medication.

Erik ventured outside his bedroom, wanting to look for Charles on his office, but as he was walking through the corridors and passed by the door of Charles' room he bumped right into Moira.

She looked at him with startled eyes and she was holding a suitcase in one hand. She seemed sad, like she had been crying and Erik felt really bad for her.

"Do you know where Charles is?" she asked in a cold tone and Erik answered in a small one "I think he's in his office."

Moira nodded and turned around to go see Charles, when Erik called out "Wait!" and she stopped on her track "I'm really sorry" he said with all honesty he could muster and she turned at him with a broken look on her eyes "Just… be good to him, ok?" - "I promise" he said.

She started walking again and Erik wished he could do something to help, but he was sure that anything he said or did right now would only make it worse.

"Actually-" she said stopping again "Tell him I came by, I gotta go" - "I'm sure he would like to see you" - "Not right now" she said shaking her head and then she left.

Erik knew Charles had felt her presence there, so there wasn't need for him to say anything, still he went to the office and knocked softly on the door, not wanting to intrude and not knowing how far he could push this right now.

When he heard a "Come in" he went inside and looked at Charles, who was surrounded by books and papers, his office still the same mess as always.

"I just met Moira in the corridor" he said and Charles dropped his pen looking up at him.

"I… knew she was here, she must have left work earlier today, it's just past lunch" he said carefully "How… Did something-" he tried to ask but didn't know what to say so Erik elaborated.

"She seemed sad. She had a suitcase with her and she asked to tell you she came by" - "I see" Charles said in a sad voice "I told her I was sorry" Erik said, his heart feeling smaller inside his chest. This was such a shitty situation. He wished they could just get over it already. Charles was silent, looking down and lost in his thoughts. "Did you have lunch already?" Erik asked and the other man shook his head no.

"I'm going to prepare something then" Erik said escaping the office rather quickly, not knowing what to say or what to do. He wasn't feeling hungry, but he felt like Charles needed some time alone.

-

Ten minutes later, Charles joined Erik in the kitchen, not wanting him to cook all alone and feel abandoned. When he walked into the kitchen and saw him cooking there, he was reminded of their first night - and morning - together. Charles couldn't help but smile at the sight, so he got closer and wrapped his arms around Erik from behind. He put little kisses on his neck, making Erik hum in pleasure and turn around in his arms.

"What was that for?", Erik asked, a smile glowing on his lips.

"Just because you are you and you understand me and my situation right now", Charles said and kissed Erik's cheek before letting go of him. "And because you made me food." Erik laughed at the last comment and turned around again.

"I hope pasta Napoli is alright?" - "Very much so."

Charles helped Erik with the pasta and Erik tried to hug Charles with his hands full of tomato sauce, making Charles giggle. Soon, his worries over the breakup were once again forgotten and they enjoyed their home cooked meal.

"How are you feeling?", Charles asked when he swallowed down another noodle.

-

'A little shitty' Erik answered honestly 'But I'll get better soon' he tried to reassure Charles but he still looked worried.

'How are you feeling?' - 'Better. Thanks to you' he said with a small smile and Erik couldn't help but smile back.

'What were you working with?' Erik asked after a while feeling curious and Charles started talking.

'Well, turns out running a school is so much harder than I thought ten years ago… There was so much I didn't consider back then! But I still love everything' Erik smiled at that, he always knew Charles would like it.

'The students are a handful' he continued after swallowing 'and they make such a mess! I have to change lamps, replace broken objects, fix a crack on the roof, do the laundry, buy more food… It makes me tired just to think of it' he laughed.

'I can help' Erik offered 'Yeah?' - 'Yeah well, I can fly so fixing the roof is no problem… and we could do the groceries together, the laundry, everything really' .

Charles was staring at him and smiling brightly, making Erik feel all warm and tingly inside.

'I haven't said it yet, but you look beautiful' Erik said almost in awe 'It's like you haven't aged a day, almost didn't change apart from that little crack between your eyebrows that I want to smooth out every time you look worried' he finished trying to sound more casual and paying close attention to his pasta, going back to eat after he finished talking.

-

Charles felt his cheeks heating up and he smiled happily at Erik. "Thank you. This is what I thought when I saw you sitting at the police station", Charles answered honestly.

He got up afterwards, putting his plate in the sink and kissed the top of Erik's head, caressing his cheek with his hand. "Thank you for everything, Erik", he said with his lips pressed on Erik's head.

"I didn't do anything." - "Yes you did. You still do, by helping me through this time and offering your help everywhere." He looked at Erik and gave him the warmest of smiles. "But now you should go back to bed."

"I can't. I need to go to the bank." - "What? You are sick, Erik!"

-

'It's fine, Charles' he said 'They asked me to go back there today and if I don't they'll just keep stalling' - 'Okay, but when you're back you're going to bed.'

Erik turned his head to kiss the palm of Charles' hand 'I'm tired of the bed' he said honestly, he never been one to sleep much 'But I can be persuaded to rest on the couch if you're there with me, we can watch tv' he offered and Charles smiled 'Deal'.

Erik got up and pulled Charles for a short hug, not wanting him to feel pressed 'I'll be back in two hours, ok? It might take a little longer though, my phone died so if I get my money back I'll buy a charger'

'Alright' Charles said on his chest and Erik let go, winking and going to the door.

He went to the bank feeling eager to go back home. Gladly his account was working again, but it took them three hours and Erik needed to go buy himself a charger. He wished he could call Charles to say he was a little late - obviously - and say he would be back soon but he couldn't.

Erik bought what he needed and then made a quick stop at a grocery store before going back to the mansion two hours later than he thought he would.

-

Charles was worried sick when Erik didn't come back after one and a half hours. He tried calling him even though Erik said, his phone was dead. He tried calling the bank, but they couldn't give him information.

It couldn't have taken that long go do what Erik had said. All kinds of thoughts were running through his mind, half of them he didn't even want to think. Was there an accident? Was Erik alright?

Was he leaving him again? Charles didn't want to think about it, but maybe Erik just used him until he was alright again and left. Was that possible?

The doorbell rang and Charles heart immediately filled with hope. He ran to the door and opened it.

"Erik!", he exclaimed and hugged him tightly. Charles already started feeling guilty for his thoughts half an hour ago.

"What took you so long?", he nuzzled in the crook of Erik's neck, before he saw the bags from the grocery store. "Oh, I see."

-

'I'm sorry' Erik said burying his nose on Charles' hair and enjoying the hug 'I didn't mean to take so long, but then the bank was full and when it was finally my turn it took them forever to unfreeze my account. But it's working now and I even went by the grocery store' he pulled away from the hug and started going inside.

He held Charles' hand feeling a little unsure - what was it about the other man that made Erik feel like a pre-teen before his first kiss - and pulled him together to the kitchen.

'Here, I brought you chocolate and ice cream. Will you forgive me?' He asked with a smile.

'You can't have ice cream, you're sick' - 'Oh but who cares?' - 'I do! God, I was so worried that you…' he trailed off.

'Left?' Erik asked sadly 'Or got into an accident I don't know.. I was just worried'.

Erik grabbed Charles' hand and kissed his knuckles 'I will earn your trust back, Charles. I won't ever leave you again' he said honestly looking into his eyes.

'I do have something… Delicate to talk about though' Erik said a little weary still holding Charles' hand 'What?'.

He swallowed the knot on his throat before talking, not wanting Charles to take this the wrong way.

'Now that I have my money back I don't need to stay here anymore, you know. I can get a hotel room or maybe even get a place of my own. You just went through a breakup and I don't want you to feel like me being here it's too much too soon. So I thought maybe I should go? Somewhere close by because I can't be away from you. To be honest I want to stay. This place feels like home to me, like I belong here with you and I never want to leave it or you. But if you need your space for a while I understand.'

-

"This place was made for more than one person to live in, Erik. Even with all my students there, I would feel lonely. I'd be more than happy if you would stay", he answered, not wanting Erik to go.

His heart clenched painfully at the thought of waking up with Erik not being there again.

Charles got out the ice cream and put it into two bowls with spoons in it.

"But I could understand if you want to have a place on your own", he continued. Charles could really understand. He could. Doesn't mean he'd like it.

-

'I really don't want to go' Erik said warmly and happy that Charles wanted him to stay as well.

He was about to pick his ice cream when he remembered something 'Have you been sleeping in your room?' He asked 'Why?' - 'It's nothing really I just thought… I could smell you on my pillow but it was probably just wishful thinking' - 'Probably, yeah. But I've been sleeping on the guest room next to yours'.

Erik nodded 'I need to go to the bathroom, meet you in the couch? Pick something for us to watch' he said giving his bowl for Charles and going to his room.

It was a rather silly idea he had had when he saw the post-its in one of the places he had stopped at. He hoped Charles liked it even though he felt slightly ridiculous doing it.

He picked one of the post-its - a yellow one- and wrote with a pretty calligraphy 'I love you', then he went to the room Charles said he was staying at and glued it to the doorknob. He wanted to put it on his pillow but didn't want to invade his privacy.

He felt giddy when he went back down to the living room and Charles was already waiting. He sat next to him and stole a kiss on his cheek before getting his ice cream bowl and starting to dig into it.

-

During the movie Charles cuddled up against Erik, the ice cream long eaten up. He felt safe in his arms, warm and protected.

Halfway through, Charles felt Erik's head resting on his rather heavily and smiled, because he knew Erik was almost asleep. He moved his head a little to look at the other man and smiled at the sight.

"Erik, you are tired and sick. Go to bed", Charles said in calm voice, moving one hand up to brush it over Erik's cheek.

"I am not … tired", Erik yawned, making Charles chuckle. "I can see that. Please, Erik. Just go to bed."

Charles got up and stretched one hand out for Erik to take it. Once they both stood, Charles guided Erik to his room.

"Tomorrow we can play chess together, if you want to?", Charles smiled and Erik nodded in agreement.

"Good night, Charles", Erik kissed his cheek. "Good night."

Charles watched Erik went into his room and then headed to his own. He saw the post-it and smiled brightly. It was an easy decision to just go back into Erik's room and slip under the blanket with him.

"What? Charles?", Erik started but he just shushed him. "I love you too. Good night, Erik", he whispered and closed his eyes after snuggling up to Erik.

TBC


	10. Heaven on Earth

Erik woke up for the next three mornings with Charles on his arms. It was the best thing in the world and he couldn't be happier. Waking up to see the other man next to him made him feel complete. Charles looked gorgeous in the mornings, his sleepy blue eyes looking at Erik like nothing else in the world mattered... His red lips teasing Erik with a lazy smile, making him want to just close the distance between them, to build another bridge, another connection.

But only four days had passed since the breakup and he wasn't sure how long was enough, so he waited. He didn't press and he didn't try to make anything happen. In fact, he avoided kisses on the cheek or the corner of the mouth as much as he could, not knowing if he could stop himself when they happened.

He woke up that morning a little earlier and smiled to himself, pleased with the life he had now. Charles was still asleep, but Erik woke him up with a caress on his hair and whispered "I'm going to make breakfast, sleep a little longer".

It was silly to wake Charles up just to tell him to sleep more, but he was scared if he got up without saying anything the other man would feel like he did ten years ago, so he was making an habit to let him know whenever he got up, that he wasn't leaving. And Charles seemed to appreciated that.

Erik got up making his way to the kitchen and started making scrambled eggs for them both and a cup of tea for each. When he was done he got another post-it he had prepared the night before and glued it to Charles' teacup. It was blue and it said 'I love your eyes'.

It was the second post-it he gave Charles and he was planning on making more of them, considering how well the other man had reacted to the first one.

He put the food and the cups on the table, Charles' one turned so he wouldn't see the paper until he sat down.

Erik settled himself knowing the other man would be down in an instant, not being able to stay in bed long after Erik had gotten up. He smiled to himself thinking of the days they were spending together; playing chess, watching movies, eating candies, changing lamps, doing laundry and sweeping the floor while Erik sang and Charles just smiled at him.

He remembered perfectly the other man telling him how he loved his German accent and sometimes Erik would exaggerate on it just to see Charles' cheeks turning pink.

"Hey" Charles said softly at the kitchen door getting him out of his daze and Erik smiled openly, showing all his teeth "Good morning, beautiful" he said with a warm voice, his heart getting twice as big inside his chest only upon seeing him "Come sit with me and have breakfast" he pointed to Charles' plate and mug and watched him carefully, wanting to see all the emotions on his face when he read the post-it.

-

Erik seemed completely changed to the man he was ten years ago. That man back then, he was cold and didn't appreciate Charles' presence as much as he did now. Charles liked the new Erik - no, he loved him. It was such a pleasure to wake up next to him every morning, doing the most domestic things with him, without being bored. This is what Charles had always wanted with Erik. He didn't want to wait anymore. Erik helped him through his breakup rather quickly. Of course, Charles still was sad about Moira, but he was more excited about his future days with Erik.

When he sat down and was about to grab his mug, he saw the post it and blushed furiously. His eyes met Erik's and he put as many loving feelings into the stare as he could.

"Let's go on a date", he then blurted out and bit his lip nervously, hoping Erik would agree to that.

-

Erik went full-on sharky smile when he heard what Charles had just said.

Was it possible that he was ready? Erik was prepared to wait for months if necessary, but if Charles wanted it now, he was not going to turn the opportunity down.

"Yes, absolutely" he answered in a heartbeat, already starting to feel nervous about the idea. He was obviously excited of course, but also nervous.

They both had never gone on a actual date together - hell, Erik had never gone on a date with anyone - their relationship being focused on basically fucking and drinking back then.

It was pretty much embarrassing that he had never gone on a date. But Erik never really had a relationship. He stayed with Charles for an year, no strings attached, and after that he just seeked for someone he could get his release from. He never slept with the same person twice and he certainly hadn't taken anyone out. Christ, he and Charles would definitely have that talk at some point wouldn't they?

What did people even talk about on a date? Charles would certainly realize Erik was completely inexperienced on that area.

"I need to warn you though, I might suck at it" he said feeling his cheeks a little warm.

-

Charles chuckled at that. "You can't suck at a date, Erik. I'm sure of that." Erik still looked unsure. "Believe me. You won't. Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?"

"Okay, sure." - "Perfect."

Charles haven't been on a date for a very long time. Moira's and his relationship developed differently than normal, so they haven't been on an official date. Before that, he had Erik and that it must have been about eleven years ago, since he was on his last date. He was nervous, but also excited to eat dinner with Erik and talk about their lives.

He drank a bit from his tea and smiled once again, remembering the post-it. Erik was good for him, he really was.

"I think I know a good place", Charles then said, putting the mug down. "I've been there with Raven once, it is really beautiful."

-

They ate their breakfast together, making their plans for dinner, both filled with excitement.

After, they went to Charles' office. The other man was busy with some school work and Erik laid lazily on his couch, reading a book.

It was a very comfortable setting and just the thought of always doing it with Charles was enough to put a big smile on his face, which the other man noticed "What?" he asked eying Erik "I'm just happy" he answered simply, and it must have been the right answer because he was rewarded with a loving smile in return.

After, Erik went downstairs to prepare lunch and brought it up on a tablet for Charles who said he didn't want to stop what he was doing otherwise he would just get lost when he came back to it. Erik placed the tablet with the sandwich on Charles' desk and kissed the top of his head.

"I'm going out for a bit, okay?" he asked and the other man looked up at him "Alright, thank you so much for the lunch" he said and Erik briefly caressed his cheek before leaving.

He used Charles' car but dismissed the driver, wanting to do it himself. He liked the feeling of driving, like he was free. Not as much as a motorcycle, but still.

He didn't tell Charles where he was going because it felt a little… stupid. But it was very necessary. He had to buy himself some clothes, it was long overdue. He loved wearing Charles' but the other man was obviously a lot smaller than he was and he wanted to have something proper to wear on their date.

He bought himself two jeans pants and a few turtlenecks. He also bought underwear because it was already embarrassing to have to borrow them every day and a leather jacket - which he thought it was rather… sexy.

Erik decided to buy the rest of clothes he would need to survive another day, maybe with Charles' help since he wasn't so fond of shopping and then went back home.

-

Once Erik got back home and Charles felt his presence, he stood up from the chair and went downstairs.

"Hey Lo- What did you do?" - "I went shopping", Erik confessed with a slight blush around his cheeks.

"What? Why?" - "I couldn't live on your clothes forever." - "Can you show me?" Charles was curious what Erik had bought, but when he wanted to peek inside the bags, Erik moved them away from him. "No. You'll see later."

Charles pouted but let go of the topic. "Okay then. Do you want to get ready for dinner now?", he smiled.  
"Yes, I'll take a shower first." - "Me too." Charles was close to ask if he could join, but decided against it.

They went to get ready and the more time passed, the more nervous Charles got. He showered and shaved. Then he put on a blue sweater, that Erik always liked on him and gray suit pants. He put one a wristwatch and some cologne, before leaving his room and going downstairs to grab his wallet. He waited for Erik in the lobby, his heart hammering against his chest.

-

Erik took his shower with his heart on his throat. He was so freaking nervous about the date. He knew he and Charles were perfect for each other, and he had no doubt they would be together no matter what, but right now he just wanted it to go smoothly.

He shaved, brushed his teeth and tried to fix his hair the way he knew it looked good - Charles had already seen him with post-sex and post-sleep messy hair, but he wanted to impress him tonight.

Erik got dressed up with his new clothes - a dark jeans pant that clung to all the right places, a black turtleneck and his caramel leather jacket - and hoped it was good enough for the place they were going to.

He made his way downstairs putting his fully charged phone and his wallet on his pocket.

When he reached the lobby he stopped suddenly, and just looked at Charles with wide eyes. God, he was so fucking gorgeous, Erik couldn't even believe it most of the time.

"You look amazing" he whispered, already proud only to think he was the one who would go out with Charles. That everyone would look at him and envy him tonight, because he was accompanied by the most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on.

Erik got closer and held Charles' hand "I… I have to use all my strength not to kiss you right now" he said honestly and smiled at the other man.

-

Charles blush at both, the compliment and the kissing part, smiling shyly. Erik looked handsome, just as he had looked all those years back then, when he had first seen him in that bar. Those clothes fit him perfectly - so much better than Charles' borrowed ones - and he noticed his neatly done hair.

"And you look breathtaking", he breathed, leaning into Erik's personal space. Charles was about to kiss Erik, but turned his head in the last moment to kiss his cheek.

"Are you ready?" - "Yes", Erik answered with a shaky voice and Charles squeezed his hand before they went out of the mansion.

They walked together, hand in hand down the street. It was getting dark and cold, but Charles felt the warmth spreading from Erik's body and cuddled against him.

They arrived at the restaurant, a rather small one, not fancy but not too casual either. Charles went to the waiter and told him his name, since he already made a reservation. The waiter guided them to their seats and Charles pulled out Erik's chair.

-

Erik's cheeks got considerably redder when Charles pulled out his chair and he felt taken care of - as he always did around the other man.

When Charles sat down in front of him, he smiled nervously and picked the menu to hide his face behind it and catch his breath.

He pulled it down almost instantly though, not being able to keep his eyes away from Charles much. Erik felt so awkward out of nowhere, which didn't even make sense, they had so much to talk about on their last days together, why was his heart beating so fast and his palms sweating?

The waiter came their way after a while and asked what they wanted to eat.

Erik wasn't so sure yet, the 'Salmon Fillet' seemed delicious… And maybe after they could share a piece of the 'Chocolate delight'... he was about to open his mouth, when Charles promptly said "Two salmon fillets and a chocolate delight for dessert, also, a bottle of your best red wine please".

The waiter wrote it down and Erik narrowed his eyes at Charles "Did you just read my mind?" he asked and the other man widened his eyes "Oh God, I'm so sorry, Erik, I didn't meant to, I was just nervous-" Erik cut him off before Charles kept on babbling forever.

"It's okay" he said reaching over the table and holding Charles' hand, his eyes softening "I don't mind, I want to share my thoughts with you. We can even talk inside our minds if you want."

It surprised him that he was fine with it. When he thought Charles had just read his mind he felt a little without privacy, but when he started talking his heart was filled with warmth and he realized he didn't care at all.

'We can?' - 'Yes' and just like that, Charles smiled again.

"Just… don't do it when we're fighting because that won't be fair." - "We're going to fight?" Charles asked sounding a little amused "Probably. But then when you make your angry face at me I'm pretty sure I'll melt down and apologize" Charles laughed and Erik did too. He wasn't feeling so nervous anymore.

-

They got their food rather quickly, since the restaurant wasn't that full and Charles watched Erik take a sip of the wine. "Is it good?", he asked and Erik nodded. "I am not an expert though", he laughed nervously, but Charles brushed it off.

"I'm sure it's fine", he answered and they started eating.

The conversation started naturally and without force. They spoke about old memories of them and then about Charles' school and about the future.

"You know, you should teach at my school", Charles suddenly said enthusiastically. He already imagined Erik in one of the classrooms and the student following his words and examples.

"Me? No, not a good idea." - "Why not? Your powers are extraordinary and you can control them so well!" Charles was all gone for his idea, smiling brightly.

"You do remember what I did, Charles. Don't you?" Erik didn't seem so convinced.

"And I already told you, that you are a good man, Erik. Tell you what, you promise me to think about it until school starts again. But really think about it!" Erik smiled at him bashfully but nodded.

"Thanks", Charles smiled and started digging into the chocolate dessert.

-

They shared the dessert with Charles fighting Erik's fork away from the last piece. He laughed when he won and Erik pointed out he could have just controlled Charles' fork if he wanted to. When they were done, Charles payed the bill and held Erik's hand as they got out of the restaurant.

They walked back to the mansion talking, with Charles tucked under Erik's arms, Erik's hand going up and down the other man's side, trying to put some heat back into it since it was a chilly night.

When they were in front of the mansion all the nervousness came back to Erik because he didn't know what to do at all. Should he kiss Charles? No, the other man had to take that step himself, Erik couldn't know if he wanted or was ready to.

He took a deep breath and even though he knew they were going in together, he still wanted to do it properly by saying goodbye at the door.

He stood in front of Charles and put both his hands on his shoulder, slowly brushing Charles' arms all the way down to hold his hands. He looked into his eyes and said "I had a lovely time, Charles. Thank you for the dinner, it's my treat next time".

-

"Thank you for agreeing to go out with me. I know this isn't really your thing." - "It is. I enjoyed it very much with you." Charles blushed a little and something warm, something exciting and overwhelming started bubbling up in his body.

Charles looked at Erik, into his indefinable blue eyes and he suddenly felt like he'd been thrown back into his fifteen year old self. He was nervous to kiss Erik now, but he wanted to do it.

He took a deep breath and tried to smile confidently, wrapping his arms around Erik's neck. Erik's hands immediately moved to his waist, warming Charles' body once more.

Charles leaned in and pressed his lips gently on Erik's, feeling the warmth running through his body. His heart was pounding against his chest and he could feel Erik's heart doing the same.

It was a rather short and closed mouthed kiss, neither of them wanting to take this further. They parted and Charles stared at Erik's lips, already wanting to kiss them again. God, he had missed this so much!

"I love you so much", he whispered against Erik's lips.

-

Erik let a small needy sound come out of his mouth - a sound he would deny ever making - and kissed the corner of Charles' mouth "I love you too, my dear".

Why was it again that he had left all those years ago? He couldn't imagine being apart from Charles again. Not after this, not after what they were sharing together.

"Can I kiss you again?" he asked, not being able to hold himself any longer. Charles nodded, his gaze never leaving Erik's lips and Erik closed the distance again.

It was the same chaste kiss. Just a peck on the lips, still too short but exactly what they needed. Erik breathed in during the kiss, his heart going crazy inside his chest and his mind completely shutting down from everything that wasn't Charles.

He broke the contact and looked at the other man lovingly "Let's go inside" he said and waited for Charles to unlock the door.

As soon as he was in, he felt how much warmer the air was inside the house and his body seemed to relax instantly, making him yawn. It wasn't so late yet, but he was barely recovered from his cough and sore throat, his body still tired. "Do you want to go to bed?" he asked Charles who nodded and put his arms around Erik's waist and they went upstairs together.

Charles wasn't so tired so he picked a book to read in bed while Erik changed into his new pajamas - he really liked sleeping naked but he wasn't going to do that with Charles in the same bed… yet - and then they both settled side by side.

Charles was sitting, his back leaned against the headboard and Erik was cuddled against his side, his head resting on top of Charles' thigh, feeling the other man's skilled fingers massaging his scalp and he fell asleep in a second.

-

The next morning, Charles woke up with a sore back, because he had fallen asleep in the same position as he was in yesterday. Erik was still sleeping on his thigh, drooling a bit on Charles' pants. He smiled at that picture, his aching back already forgotten.

One hand wandered up Erik's arm and settled in his hair and the other one pulled the blanket up higher Erik's body.

Erik seemed to notice it and moved in his sleep, but Charles immediately calmed him down again.

He thought about their kiss yesterday, smiling foolishly at the memory. Suddenly, Charles had this thought in his mind and it wouldn't go away.

He gently removed Erik from his legs, so that the other man was sleeping peacefully next to him. Then he crawled down, so he was at Erik's level and pressed his lips on Erik's once again. The kiss was full of morning breath and not really responsive from Erik's side but still perfect.

Charles continued giving Erik small little kisses on his face, until the other one seem to wake up a little bit. He then locked their lips again and pushed his tongue inside Erik's mouth.

-

"Hmmhmm" was all Erik could come up with at that moment. He had woken up to delightful kisses on his face, and then Charles was fully kissing him, his tongue going inside Erik's mouth and making him shiver.

He parted his lips to give the other man better access and threaded his fingers on his hair, kissing him back like their lives depended on it. Their tongues were curling around each other and exploring the feeling, trying to get to know one another once again.

Erik caressed Charles' hair and face, his hand wandering everywhere and brushing on the side of Charles' body until it reached his hips and Erik rested it there, squeezing it a little.

He moaned on the kiss, not because he was aroused but simply because it was heaven to taste Charles again, to feel his soft red lips against his.

Erik sucked on Charles' tongue and then let go of it, biting gently on his bottom lip before pulling away. "Not that I'm complaining-" he said with a sleepy raspy voice "But where did that come from?".

-

Charles chuckled lightly. "Good morning. And I don't know. I just liked kissing you yesterday, so I wanted to do it again." He kissed Erik's nose and smiled at him.

His hands found Erik's chest and caressed it softly, feeling his heartbeat and the warmth of his skin.

Charles then suddenly stopped and looked the other man in the eyes.

"I am feeling better now. We don't have to act like we don't know what to do around each other. I still know your body so well; every curve, every muscle, every spot that makes your skin shiver", he said in a lower voice, his hand brushing over Erik's hipbone where he knew, Erik's weak spot was hidden.

"And I know, you can read me too. Don't hold back anymore, just because you don't wanna do something wrong. Kiss me whenever you want, touch me where ever you want, tell me whatever you want. Okay?"

-

"Okay" Erik answered with a shaky breath. God, now he was aroused.

He was encouraged by what Charles had just said so he kissed him again, without asking for permission, without being scared of being too much.

He kissed him trying to put all his feelings into it, all the longing, all the want. He tried to show how much he had missed the other man, his tongue caressing his mouth from the inside out, licking his lips, biting on them and sucking.

Charles' response was more than positive, and soon Erik rolled them around, his knees digging on the mattress on each side of Charles' body, he put their chests together while he explored Charles' mouth, laying on top of him.

His hands wandered until he reached the hem of Charles' shirt and slipped them underneath it, feeling the warm skin on his fingers. Charles flat stomach was still smooth and delicious to touch, the hair path that lead from his bellybutton to his cock barely there, but Erik knew Charles too well to know it was there.

Only thinking of it made Erik's dick start to come alive and he pulled away, completely out of breath, to kiss Charles' jawline "I love you" he said against his skin, his voice hoarse, and then let his body fall to the side, resting next to his loved one.

He knew what Charles had just said about doing whatever he wanted, but if he did, they would end up both without being able to sit down only after their first date, their first kiss after so many years.

-

Charles breathed heavily, trying to bring it under control again. His lips felt bruised and little bit numb after what Erik just did to him and he had enjoyed every second. He rolled on his side and looked at Erik, who seemed to have his difficulties with catching his breath as well. There was a slight bulge in Erik's pants and Charles really wanted to brush his hands over it, but Erik must have stopped them for a reason. Maybe he wasn't ready yet.

"I love you too", Charles whispered and ran his hands over Erik shoulder instead of his lower body.

"What do you think about a good, long breakfast and then we finish up the house afterwards? School will start in three days again and I don't want my students to sleep in a room with a broken window", he then suggested.

-

"Yes, that sounds perfect" Erik said breathlessly.

Three days. Three whole days with Charles was all he had left before the other man had to start dealing with students and teaching classes. Would he even have time for Erik then? Of course. This was Charles.

They got up and went downstairs to have breakfast, Erik was rather quiet during the preparation of the food, thinking about being a teacher. He wasn't a nice person, he wasn't patient with kids - especially kids with powers who thought they could do anything.

But these were Charles' students, surely they were nicer than other normal teenagers, right?

"You're quiet" Charles pointed out after a few minutes and Erik looked at him, startled for being ripped out of his own thoughts.

"Sorry" he said "I'm just thinking about your offer last night, you know, about teaching" - "You are?" Charles asked with a smile on his face and Erik nodded.

The other man came behind him, his arms going around Erik's waist and his head resting between his shoulder blades. "Is it good thinking, or bad thinking?" - "A little bit of both" he said turning on the embrace, wrapping his arms around Charles' neck.

"I don't know if I could do it. But at the same time, it doesn't sound so bad" - "You just have to think a little more" Charles stated and Erik agreed. He smiled fondly at the other man and leaned closer giving him a kiss. Before they could deepen it though, he pulled away. Charles looked a little confused, obviously not wanting to stop the kissing and Erik chuckled.

"It seems like I'm a little too old for this but… Can I call you my boyfriend now?" he asked with a small smile.

-

Charles laughed a bit. "I'd feel honored to be called your boyfriend", he said truthfully.

Ever since he knew Erik, Charles wanted him to call Charles his boyfriend. In their time together, Charles had always said the word out loud when Erik wasn't around. This and 'I love you' were the two things Charles wanted to say to Erik forever.

"I love you so much, my boyfriend", he said, liking the feeling of those words on his tongue.

"I love you too", Erik whispered back and Charles felt his lips on his nose. He closes his eyes at the contact, wanting Erik's lips to meet his. But they didn't and he opened them again.

"You are such a tease", Charles chuckled and Erik grinned a full on sharky smile. "I know."

He rolled his eyes playfully and continued making scrambled eggs.

"Do you want pancakes?", he asked and felt Erik's hands on his waist. "I can make them if you want?"

Charles smiled and leaned into the touch. "Okay. I'll do something else then."

He left to stove to make room for Erik and settled with preparing a small fruit salad. Even though they went out for dinner last night, Charles was rather hungry today.

Half an hour later they were sitting on a full breakfasttable and smiled stupidly at each other.

"I hope you are as hungry as I am", Charles grinned and started eating his pancakes.

-

"I'm so full" Erik said after they finished eating and Charles laughed.

They were supposed to start their chores but they had eaten so much that they decided to lay down a little bit before doing anything else.

They laid together on the couch, Charles practically on top of Erik, their legs intertwined and his head resting on Erik's chest, while they watched cartoons - which Erik was also too old for, but he secretly adored watching Spongebob with Charles laughing at Patrick's stupidity.

Half an hour later though, Erik wasn't so amused anymore because he was painfully aware of every little part of Charles' body touching his. His hands were travelling up and down his boyfriend's spine, stopping on the line between neck and hair and then going down again, and he could feel Charles shivering on top of him.

Charles moved a little and it was a terrible idea because his hip brushed against Erik's cock and he held on a sharp breath, waiting for Charles to settle himself.

God, that was what real torture was. Erik wanted Charles so bad. But they had been together again for less than week, had gone on one date. He didn't want Charles to think he was all about the sex again. He wanted to show he could be about love and commitment too.

Not when Charles was wiggling on top of him though. Erik put his hand on Charles' ass to hold him still and kissed his cheek where he could reach from the position. He didn't move his hand away though, he couldn't make himself do that and soon he was squeezing it and Charles laughed - from the squeeze or the cartoon, Erik couldn't tell.

-

When Spongebob was over and the cartoon afterwards wasn't as funny anymore, Charles decided now was a good time to start working.

He leaned down to kiss Erik gently and chaste, but still lovingly. "Let's do some work, shall we?"

He got up and offered Erik his hand, which the other man took and Charles pulled him up.

They worked for two hours straight and took a quick break, eating the rest pancakes from this morning. Then they worked again, until it was getting late, but eventually they finished everything.

"Now we have three free days. We can do anything you want tomorrow", Charles said, leaning against the wall as Erik finished up the last shelf they had to fix.

-

"Anything?" Erik asked looking at Charles with a devilish grin. His boyfriend smiled and rolled his eyes.

Erik had just finished the shelf so he put down the hammer and walked until he stood in front of Charles "How about a date?" He asked softly "Will you go out with me?".

"Yes, of course" Charles breathed and kissed him on the lips.

"I'm going to take a shower now" Erik said, his entire body sweaty and tired, he felt like he could sleep for days.

He went to his room while Charles went down to the kitchen and picked up a pink post-it. He wanted a cherry red one but pink was the closest he got and he wrote 'I love your lips' in it, placing the paper on top of Charles' pillow.

He went inside the bathroom and undressed himself with the door open. It was too much to hope but he was starting to take showers with open doors, to show Charles he was always welcome to join.


	11. You are my world

Just when he left the kitchen, he heard the telephone ring and sighed. He just wanted to have some free time. Charles made his way to the telephone and picked it up.

"Xavier?", he said. It was a mother that was worried about her child, because she just started changing her skin color to the object she was holding. Every year it was the same. People called him through the whole year, wondering if they are mutants.

"Mrs Brown", Charles stopped her worried babbling. "If you could just bring your daughter to my school on Monday and I will evaluate her powers my own. We can discuss further details afterwards… yes, exactly .. no, anytime… yes … okay, mrs Brown. Have a good day. .. Bye!" He ended the call and looked at the clock.

Charles wondered if Erik was still in the shower and made his way up to the room. He knocked twice and entered, but Erik wasn't there. 'So he must be in the shower', he thought and then saw the little post-it on the pillow.

Those notes always warmed his heart. Erik was such a caring and loving boyfriend, he would have never guessed that. Charles picked the note up and put it to the others in a little drawer. Just when he was closing it again, the door opened and Erik stepped into the room with nothing on but a towel around his waist.

"Erik", he said, not sure if it was meant as a greeting or an expression of shock.

He took in his whole body and bit down on his bottom lip. Erik still looked goddamn fine, his muscles still distinct and skin ever so soft and well tanned.

"You look good", he then continued, still staring.

-

'Thank you' Erik answered softly, the appreciative look in Charles' eyes knocking the breath out of him.

Erik walked closer, his wet hair dripping on his back and chest, the cold water making him shiver.

Charles' gaze followed a particular drop that ran down from Erik's chest over his stomach and stopped at the towel and Erik swallowed a knot on his throat.

He placed his hands on Charles' waist and pulled him closer, their hips touched and Erik hissed slightly - the towel was not enough to protect him from the marvellous feeling of being that close to Charles - 'You look good too' he said, his voice already raspy and his hands going under Charles' shirt.

'You feel good' came out as just a whisper as he leaned in and kissed Charles deeply, his hands roaming on his stomach, and Charles' one touching the bare skin of his arms and back, making the hairs of Erik's body stand up.

When he pulled away he said against Charles' lips 'And you taste even better' his breath ghosting there.

He didn't care Charles was incredibly sweaty and that he had just taken a shower, he could take another one. Right now he just needed to kiss his boyfriend, touch him and be touched back.

-

Charles was so happy that Erik finally let his guards down, letting go of whatever was holding him back. His body was so hot, he could feel his blood pulsing through his veins.

"God, Erik. I want you", he breathed pleadingly. Charles was already aroused, even though they were just kissing. He wanted to be one with Erik again, just like they were all those years ago in the hotel room. He wanted to feel Erik pulsing inside him, watch him coming apart on top of him. He wanted to memorise every little detail of his face, when Erik was coming.

Just with those thoughts, Charles' dick started to harden and he grabbed Erik by the hem of his towel, pulling him closer. Their lips were reunited in a breathtaking, passionate kiss. Charles opened his mouth willingly, inviting Erik's tongue inside and moaned when he touched it with his own.

His hands were roaming over Erik's chest and he felt Erik's on the back of his head, pulling it by his hair, so he could deepen the kiss.

-

Erik moaned in the kiss, all his senses were heightened and he could feel Charles everywhere. He wanted this so much right now. All he had to do was make Charles feel loved even during sex. He had done it once, he surely could do it again and again and again.

"Need you" he breathed inside his boyfriend's mouth, his hands threatened on his soft silky hair, pulling at it the way he knew Charles enjoyed.

Erik's free hand brushed his boyfriends' chest, teasing all the way down until it reached the hem of his pants and Erik slipped his fingers there, only caressing the skin right above where Charles' underwear started. He moved it until it rested on the small of Charles' back and pulled him as close as possible, their hips connecting and cocks touching with all the fabric between them.  
"Hmmhmnm you're so gorgeous" Erik said, pulling his mouth away from Charles' and kissing his jawline, a wet path until Charles' ear and then sucking his earlobe between his lips, teeth grazing on the skin, making him moan.

At the same time, he dug his nails on the other man's back and then tugged at his shirt "This needs to come off" he said with a hoarse voice.

-

Charles moaned into Erik's ear, he hands exploring his back.

"I agree with you there", he panted and used all his focus to part from Erik, just enough to so he can get rid of his shirt. He threw it on the floor and opened his jeans as well, before Erik pulled him close again. They kissed hungrily and Charles pushed Erik slowly to the bed, until he was sitting on the mattress. Charles looked down at him, wondering why he deserved such a handsome boyfriend.

'You are so beautiful. So sexy, so handsome. You are everything to me', he said into Erik's mind, while sitting down on his lap and wrapping his arms around his neck.

Charles started placing open mouthed kisses on Erik's face, appreciating every little detail.

-

Erik hummed happily, the kisses on his face making his body feel like play dough, just waiting for Charles to shape him into anything he wanted, melted under his fingers.

"Charles" he whispered, his hands caressing the other man's back and his lips busy kissing his collarbone and nibbling on it.

He found the specific spot on it that made Charles shiver and sucked it hard, leaving a small purple-ish bruise, hearing Charles' soft moans. He looked up, asking silently if it was okay to mark him and the other man just smiled.

"You are my world, Charles. Did you know that? You mean everything to me, I couldn't live without you." he said, mirroring Charles' words from all those years ago, when he drunk confessed his feelings. He didn't know if his boyfriend remembered that considering his state, but Erik did, and he knew what those words were capable of doing to one's heart.

-

He remembered.

And he couldn't even start to describe how he felt about those words being said back to him after all those years.

"Same still goes for me", he answered, feeling like all air was pumped out of his body.

He ran his hand through Erik's wet hair, looking him deeply in the eyes. "I want to reunite with you again, Erik", he whispered against his lips.

For a moment, they were just breathing in the same air, sharing this precious moment together. It was just like ten years ago, when suddenly all pace and hurry was taken from their movements. Slowly - almost lazily - Charles licked over Erik's bottom lip, before slipping his tongue inside the other man's mouth. He felt Erik's muscles moving underneath his body when he slowly leaned back, pulling Charles with him. Charles put his hands on the bed on both sides of Erik's head, steadying himself.

A moan escaped his mouth, when their hardening dicks brushed against each other and Charles was suddenly aware of how many clothes were still separating them.

He started opening Erik's towel and Erik arched his back off the mattress, so Charles could remove it from underneath him.

"So beautiful", Charles breathed, looking at Erik erection that was already leaking. He wanted to wrap his lips around it and suck Erik's last sane thought out of him. His breath was going hard, as he kissed his way down to Erik's lower body - tracing all the little waterdrops that were left on his skin. He could feel Erik's hand slowly moving over his head to find a grip on Charles' hair. Charles smiled to himself, kissing and sucking Erik's hipbones, making the other man moan in pleasure. He left small little bruises on his way, before he arrived on Erik's dick and kissed it open mouthed until the very top. Charles let his tongue circle around the tip, already being able to taste Erik and moaning in the process. Then he finally took it into his mouth, humming around it.

-

"God, Charles" he almost yelled "Fuck, so good". Erik was moaning and panting on the bed, he used his elbows to lift himself up and watch as Charles took all his length inside his warm mouth and the sound that came out of him was not human.

He saw Charles' red lips stretch around the head of his cock, all warmth and wetness, his cheeks hollowed applying just the right amount of pressure as he went down Erik, his nose touching Erik's pubic hair and chin brushing lightly on his balls.

'Christ' he said his eyes almost filling with tears of pleasure 'You're breathtaking… Your mouth… hmmmnhm… the things I wanna do to you'

His hands were pulling rather strongly at his hair, so he forced himself to open them not to hurt Charles. He was shaking badly, his hips started thrusting up without him controlling it and Charles held him down with his hands.

His tongue was licking every inch of Erik and he could feel all his centimeters going in and out of Charles' mouth. 'Yes… Please… there! Hmmmghm Charles I love you so bad'.

Charles looked up at him with a sinful expression on his face, his lips firmly wrapped around Erik's cock 'God, come here' he pleaded pulling his boyfriend up and crashing their mouths together.

Erik could feel Charles' taste mixed with his own and his brain almost shut down, out of sheer pleasure.

He felt Charles' erection through his pant and started pushing it down impatiently, when they finally got rid of it and the underwear, Erik's hand cupped Charles's perfect round ass and the other one grabbed his cock in a firm grip and started pumping it lazily at the same time he sucked Charles' tongue inside his mouth.

-

Charles was barely able to keep up with all the sensations that he felt at the same time. Erik's hand were driving him crazy and he moaned into Erik's mouth. Their tongues were fighting a war neither of them could win and teeth crushed together. He was lost.

"Erik", he panted on a raspy voice, parting their lips just long enough to say the following words. "I need you inside me. Haven't felt that for so long. Please."

He grabbed Erik's hand that was on his ass and moved it to his mouth. His lips closed around Erik's fingers, sucking on them and looking Erik deep in the eyes. His own pupils were blown in lust, he was barely able to keep his eyes open.

His tongue curled around Erik's finger, leaving saliva there. Erik was still stroking his cock, but his rhythm startled a bit. Charles removed Erik's finger from his mouth and guided his hand towards his ass, still locking eyes with his boyfriend.

-

"Shit" Erik breathed out. He was shamelessly rocking his hips so his erection would friction against Charles' hipbone, his fingers being guided to the other man's entrance.

He arched his back out of the mattress, his lips catching Charles' mouth in a clumsy kiss, while he slipped a finger inside of him.

He knew only the saliva wasn't enough so he did his best to be gentle and slow, taking his time with one finger and leaving lingering kisses all over Charles' neck and shoulder.

"So beautiful" he said when he took a look at his boyfriend's face, who had his eyes closed and mouth half parted, he was starting to move, burying himself on Erik's finger and his breath was coming out of his mouth in a rush.

Erik inserted another one, starting to scissor Charles and stretch him good, his movements were slow and teasing, brushing against the other man's prostate every time, making him cry out disconnected words.

Erik kissed everywhere he could reach, intoxicated by Charles' beauty and smell, his cock was hard and pressed between their bodies, throbbing and begging to be taken care of, but Erik was patient. When it didn't seem like his boyfriend was in too much pain he went back to nibbling his neck, leaving hickeys all over his milky skin.

He kept playing with Charles' dick, his thumb circling the head and smearing the pre-come all over it, before tugging at it up and down again.

-

"Erik, Erik please", Charles begged, panting and moaning on top of Erik. His whole body was on fire, the warm pool of arousal in his guts threatening to explode any minute. Erik's hand on his dick and his two fingers inside Charles were driving him crazy. He was flying so high above the sky, digging his fingers desperately into Erik's arms to stay on the ground.

"I'm ready.. Erik, I am ready, please", he panted, still not able to form normal sentences.

Erik removed his fingers and Charles let out a shaky breath. "Are you sure?" Charles bit his lip and nodded eagerly. "Yes, yes I am."

He tugged at Erik's side and then turned them both around, so he was lying underneath the beautiful man he called his. Erik was his, only his.

"I'm still clean. What about you?", he then asked, looking at Erik lustful.

-

"Yes" Erik answered with a whisper, his body was starting to get overwhelmed with the desire, his brain was all foggy and he couldn't focus on anything else even if he wanted to.

His hands were wandering all over Charles' chest, his stomach, his hipbones.

"Do you have lube?" he asked still observing the gorgeous body underneath him, sprawled like that only for Erik to take, to love, to cherish. "No" Charles said after a moment and Erik looked up at his eyes.

"We can wait" he said reassuringly. Fuck, why didn't he buy a bottle yesterday? "No, no way" Charles said pulling Erik down for a kiss.

When they parted out of breath, Erik was still worried "Love, how long has it been? This is going to hurt, I don't want-" - "Now Erik, please".

Erik closed his eyes, hiding his head on the crook of Charles' neck and stilling himself. "Okay" he whispered there and started kissing his boyfriend's skin all over again, he made a trail of open mouthed kisses, stopping on Charles' nipples and sucking them, blowing on them afterwards, making him shiver with the cold feeling.

He kissed his stomach, with the light curve of each muscle under it, and kissed his hipbones. He purposely avoided his boyfriend's cock, kissing the inside of his thigh and massaging his toned legs, before spreading them apart and burying his head between them, his tongue licking a fine path from Charles' balls to his hole, circling it and pushing inside, wanting to make him as wet and ready as possible.

-

The sensation of Erik's tongue in his hole was overwhelming. Charles arched his back off the mattress, moaning loudly.

"My god, Erik", he breathed out, his hand instantly darting out to grab Erik's hair. Noises were escaping his mouth that he didn't know were even possible to make. He was melting underneath Erik's body.

His muscles that were tense just half an hour ago from the hard work, felt like pudding now. He was totally relaxed and all ready for Erik.

"I can't wait any longer, my love", Charles said, pulling on Erik's hair and trying not to focus on his painfully hard erection. "Need you inside me now."

Erik kissed his way up Charles' body and once he was in reach, Charles grabbed his face and locked their lips again. He kissed him desperately, needing the connection. His hips buckled up in search for friction and Charles moaned when he felt Erik's dick colliding with his. He positioned himself so Erik's erection was pulsing right in front of his entrance and Charles wrapped his legs around Erik's waist.

-

Erik wasn't even able to to think anymore. He hadn't been that aroused in years. Charles was definitely the last time he had felt so desperate and loved.

He missed those legs wrapped around him, and as soon as Charles did that, he ran his hands up and down his thighs, humming with the sensation "I love your thighs" he said while he started going inside Charles.

"Love your ass, I love your cock, I love your face, I love your hair, I love your arms, I love your chest, God, I love your body, I love your mind, your heart, your soul. I love you, Charles. And I'm all yours".

He said it all between panting breaths, his voice breaking in the middle of the sentence as he buried himself deeper and deeper inside Charles' tight hole. When he was finished talking, his forehead was leaning on Charles' shoulder, his hands digging painfully on his thighs and his hips trying to move at least a fraction. His entire body was sweating and shivering from the effort of being still and the pleasure of just entering Charles.

His breaths were burning his lungs with its velocity, and he was about to lose himself. His hand found Charles' cock, that had softened a little while being stretched like that and Erik stroked it fast this time, his grip tight around it, his lips sucking and licking the skin in it's reach.

-

It hurt like hell, Charles had to clench his teeth to not make uncomfortable noises and discourage Erik. He really wanted this and Erik's loving words and kisses soothed him a lot. "You feel so good, Erik", he moaned when Erik started stroking his cock. "Don't stop."

Charles ran his hands up and down Erik's spine, trying to adjust to his cock once again.

"You're so tight", Erik said, his hot breath hitting Charles' lips.  
Charles immediately started chasing his lips and pressed them against Erik's, just to remove them again. "Please move, Erik."

He tightened his hole around Erik's cock, making him hiss.

-

"Oh God" Erik cried out before he finally moved his hips.

The feeling was so much better than he remembered, sex with Charles reached a whole new level and Erik was lost in it. He moved slowly, carefully, letting Charles get used to the feeling.

His pre-come was helping with the lubrication but he was scared it wasn't enough so he spit on his hand - which was rather crass but he couldn't care at that moment - and smeared where their bodies met, helping a little.

Erik kept moving in a slow pace that was driving him crazy, while Charles' hands roamed all over him. Erik was moaning in a low tone, his lips on Charles' ear with the intent of turning him on with the sound.

"So good" he let out, one of his hands holding Charles' leg higher and the other one working on his dick while his hip thrusted forward. "Is this okay? Tell me what you need, love" he asked, not knowing if it was too painful.

-

"God, this is amazing", Charles moaned, lost in the feeling. "Keep going, Erik. Please!"

His body relaxed sooner than he had thought, already getting used to the feeling of Erik's cock buried inside him. It felt incredible to be stretched like that again. How Charles was all Erik's, giving away the control completely to his loved one.

The sinful moans that came from Erik's lips made Charles shiver, wanting to hear them all the time. His foot started moving up and down Erik's leg, caressing him lovingly.

Erik's face was so concentrated and focused, the veins on his forehead clearly visible. His pupils were blown to their maximums and his wet hair was dripping on Charles face. The image made Charles groan out, pulling him closer and kissing his neck. He sucked on it and when Erik hit his prostate, he bit down on the sensible skin.

-

Erik moaned louder than he thought it was possible, the feeling of Charles' teeth sinking on his skin making him get closer to the edge.

He was running his nails everywhere, leaving red marks all over the other man, his lips kissing the place on his collarbone he knew it was a weak spot and hips starting to go faster.

Erik let Charles hold him close, placing his hands on each side of his boyfriend's head to get more balance and thrusting faster, deeper. Each time he angled himself to hit that place inside of Charles that made him moan louder and bit him harder.

Seeing and feeling the other man like that, completely Erik's, only like that for him, to please him, to love him was starting to drive him out of his mind, and he could barely control his hips anymore. He pulled away from Charles' skin to look him in the eyes and kissed his nose gently.

Then he grabbed Charles' thigh with a little more force he intended, knowing it might get a little bruised after, and thrusted with all his energy. Charles' reaction was good and his cock was pulsating, touching Erik's stomach every time he entered him again, leaking beautifully on Charles' skin, making Erik want to lick him and taste it.

-

"Erik, I'm gonna come", Charles moaned again and again, getting incredibly close to the edge.

When Erik's flat stomach brushed against his cock and his erection hitting that specific spot inside him again, Charles was gone. He bursted into a billion pieces, closing his eyes and holding his breath as his orgasm rolled over him. His lips were parted and then he took a shaky breath, opening his eyes again just to see Erik's face. He felt his own release covering his stomach.

Erik seemed to be turned on by watching Charles' orgasm, as he immediately fasten his pace. Then he suddenly stopped, his all so focused expression falling. Erik breathed out Charles' name as his cock was pulsing inside him and filling him with his cum.

It was such a beautiful image to see Erik letting himself fall and Charles had to run his fingers over his cheek, just to make sure he was real.

"You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. You are like my own personal Angel, Erik", he tried putting his feelings into words, as the other man was still riding his orgasm.

-

Erik was overwhelmed by all the feelings inside of him. His orgasm still making his body shiver, and his love for Charles making his heart grow after hearing his words.

He slipped out of his boyfriend, making him hiss, and leaned down to kiss his stomach. Erik licked him clean, tasting his come and making Charles hum, until he reached his mouth and kissed him deeply, trying to show him exactly how he felt.

He pulled away, his body feeling incredibly sore and tired, and laid next to the other man, immediately pulling him into a hug and running his hand up and down his spine.

He couldn't understand how Charles could say those things to him, not after what he had done, not after leaving him, but yet, the other man forgave him so completely he could barely believe his own luck.

"You're incredible, love" he said with a hoarse voice "God, I missed you so much. I thought about you everyday before sleeping and after waking up. I dreamt about you so many times, these indescribable blue eyes, these beautiful red lips that taste like chocolate in a rainy day, these hands that are so soft and strong… But none of those dreams compared to this. You're everything I ever needed".

-

Charles had his eyes already closed when Erik told him all those things, suddenly feeling very exhausted and tired. Despite that, every word from Erik was pure love for his heart. He smiled against Erik's skin and kissed the spot there.

'I want to be with you forever', Charles shared his thought with Erik and heard the other man breathe in sharply. His heart was swelling with love and appreciation - devotion.

They fell asleep rather quickly afterwards - both in no need to say more words, understanding each other perfectly.

The last three days passed by very fast, Charles and Erik spending their days together. Moira came by on Sunday morning before school to pick up the rest of her belongings. Erik went out for that time, not wanting to hurt Moira's feelings with their happiness, for which Charles would be forever thankful.

Sunday night came soon and Charles found himself lying in bed next to his Angel again.

"Have you thought about the teacher position?", he then asked, as he was caressing Erik's chest. They had been lost in thoughts for quite a while now and his question cut through the air rather sharply. Charles kissed Erik's skin to soothe it out.

-

Erik kissed the top of Charles' head before answering him, his finger doodling small hearts on his boyfriend's shoulder.

"I have, actually" he answered and Charles lifted his head to look at him "And?" he asked.

Erik had to chuckle at that, because he could read every little emotion on the other man's face. He could see he was trying to hold himself not wanting to press Erik, but the way his eyes were dancing and his lips quivering to try and hold back a smile gave him away. He was too excited about the whole idea and seemed to want Erik to say yes.

"I'm scared of it" he said honestly "I don't know if I'm good with kids, what if I lose my temper and yell at them or something? What if they hate me? Or if I give those classes everyone want to skip?" - "Hank gives those classes" Charles said making Erik laugh.

"But at the same time I really want to say yes and see what happens. I would love to work here, to work with you… So yes, I want to be a teacher. Even if I'm awful at it".

-

"Yees", Charles smiled happily and kissed Erik short but gently. "And you won't be awful, Erik. I have complete and utter faith in you."

He was serious and hoped to convince Erik that he meant it.

"I guess we will see that tomorrow", Erik laughed and Charles nodded, already convinced that Erik would do a great job.

TBC


	12. First Day

The next morning, Charles was woken up by his alarm and groaned in displeasure. He would miss sleeping long and staying with Erik all morning. Just as he was thinking that, Erik started moving next to him.

"Good morning", he said in a calm tone, turning to face his boyfriend and stroke his cheek.

-

"Good morning, professor" Erik answered in a raspy voice and yawned afterwards.

They kissed lazily but not for too long otherwise they would be late, and left the bed already missing it.

Erik was feeling rather anxious about the whole thing. The students had to be there at 7 am sharp, and they were all going to be lead to a huge room Charles had turned into a auditorium so he could talk to them all at once.

The teachers had to be there half an hour earlier, and they would all be introduced to the new students and after they had to talk a little about their classes and teaching methods. Erik had no clue of what to say.

He was also starting to worry about how he should act around Charles with the students and teachers close, he hadn't thought about asking it before and now he regretted it dearly.

But for the moment, he would just focus on choosing what to wear. He picked a black turtleneck with dark jeans, wanting to look serious. And maybe a little scary.

Charles had dressed in a beautiful lilac v-neck sweater that did things to Erik's heart and was now brushing his teeth on the bathroom sink.

Erik joined him, bumping his hips lightly on Charles' and smiled at him through the mirror.

After they were both ready they went downstairs, Charles opening the mansion's door and Erik preparing something quick for them to eat before people started to arrive.

Charles thanked him with a peck on the lips and ate in a rush, leaving half of his cereal bowl not eaten because the first teacher had just arrived.

-

Charles greeted the teacher and soon all the others were arriving as well.

"Hello together. Thank you for showing up once again, I think you all know the procedure", he said, once all the teachers were in a room. He smiled at a few of them: Hank, Jean, Ororo and Scott. They were faces that Charles knew, belonging to people he called friends.

"Oh, one more thing", he said, before everybody went to prepare everything. Charles pointed at Erik, who was standing next to him. "This is Erik Lehnsherr. He's got a teaching position as well this year."

Some people started whispering and Charles scanned through the room. They recognised Erik from the news, being a bit sceptical towards him. Charles cleared his throat to get the attention back.

"You are free to prepare now. The student will arrive soon", he dismissed them, throwing a sharp glare at some of them.

Charles then took Erik's hand and pulled him into his office. "Are you ready for your introduction?"

-

"Not at all" Erik said sighing and pulling Charles into a tight hug. He really needed his boyfriend's touch to feel better at that moment.

"You saw how some of the teachers reacted" he continued sadly "The students will be scared, Charles" - "You just have to show them this side of yours" - "I only show this side to you".

Charles pulled away and kissed Erik's chin "It will be okay. The students are not going to be scared, they will be excited. Everyone likes a little danger" he said with a sinful grin and Erik chuckled feeling a bit more relaxed "Thank you" he whispered as he kissed Charles' forehead.

They left the office rather quickly after that, it was already time to greet the students on the auditorium so Erik didn't get the chance to ask Charles about their relationship. He didn't want them to hide, but he also didn't want them to make out in front of people. Erik was a private person, he wasn't comfortable with public display of affection, but he liked touching Charles, holding his hand, smiling at him. He would like to able to do that. After all they went through he didn't think Charles would want to hide, he just wanted to make sure they were on the same page.

When they got to the auditorium it was already full. Students were chatting happily, hugging their friends and laughing excitedly. It was a huge, loud mess and Erik felt nervous once again. How was he supposed to keep them quiet?

He got the answer to the question as soon as Charles stepped in front of them all. When the students saw him, they all shut their mouths and turned to look at their favorite professor. Erik felt a wave of pride and respect hit him, and it was so strong he was sure Charles felt it too, the other man turned his head slightly at him and said inside his mind 'Thank you, my angel'.

He felt his cheeks getting warm upon hearing the nickname - which he loved - and wasn't able to focus on half of Charles' speech after that, his mind busy showing him scenes of them both kissing each other out of breath.

-

Towards the end of his speech, Charles decided to go for a different version than planned. He looked at the people and then at Erik.

"Remember. We are all a family. I have hope, that we can live in a world where everyone respects each other and doesn't fear. In a world where we will be accepted as who we are. This acceptance begins right here and right now. We have to live with who we are and be without shame. We have to not fear each other, so the world can see that there is nothing to be scared of." Then Charles went on with his usual trick to get the children excited.

'Thank you for attending to my school for gifted youngsters', he put that thought into everybody's head and watch their reaction. Then he left the stage and other teachers start to come up and tell something about themselves and their teaching position. Most of them told the students their life story, their past, how they met Charles and how much good they already did with their powers.

Charles looked at Erik and thought 'You don't need to say any of this. Just tell them a bit of who you are now and what you are planning to do.'

-

Erik's palms were sweating and he only managed a half smile towards Charles as a response.

'Erik, calm your mind' he said and then did something that instantly made Erik feel better 'Thank you' he said relieved and stood up since it was his time to speak.

'Good morning' he started, his voice steady and authoritative 'My name is Erik Lehnsherr and I am your new teacher'. The students started whispering just as he expected and he continued talking, his voice slightly louder, making them settle down again.

'I met professor Xavier ten years ago, when this school was just a dream. I was here at the beginning and would like to stay now if you'll let me. I know you trust your professor, so trust he would have not hired me if he considered me any kind of danger. I am not Magneto anymore, I am Erik and I have a lot to teach' when he said that, he reached out with his hands and made all the small metal objects on the room fly up 'Everyone have good and bad inside of them, but I believe with Charles' guidance we can all be the better person. I'd like to help you as he helped me and I will take that task very seriously'.

He put down all the objects back to where they belonged and sat down on his place again, his calm posture still there but his inside twisting nervously.

-

Charles smiled proudly at Erik as he sat next to him. 'This was perfect, love.' Erik gave him a brief smile and then Charles went on stage again to explain every further details. The students went to their rooms afterwards and the ones that were here for their first time went with Hank. Lessons would officially start tomorrow.

Charles locked eyes with Erik thought the room and cocked his head in the direction of his office, signaling him to follow. Then he opened the door and went behind his desk, sitting down on the chair. Noises were heard from everywhere. Finally the school was alive again.

The door opened just a few moments after he entered and Erik stepped inside.

"Hey", Charles smiled as Erik stepped closer. "Hi."

"You did great up there. The students will love you, I promise." - "Thank you, love." Erik gave him an honest smile before he continued. "I wanted to ask you something."

Charles arched an eyebrow and looked at Erik questioning. "Are you okay if I … hold your hand and stuff?", Erik blushed, making Charles chuckle.

He stood up from his chair and walked around the table to wrap his arms around Erik's neck. "Of course, Darling", he smiled and kissed Erik gently. Erik hummed into to kiss and pressed Charles against the desk, deepening the kiss and slipping his tongue inside. Charles responded by stroking Erik's back and pushing him closer.

There was a knock at the door and both man quickly let go of each other, trying to straighten their clothes.

"Yes?", Charles then said and a mother with a child stepped inside.

"Mr Xavier. I'm miss Brown and this is my daughter, Hannah. We spoke on the phone", she introduced herself. "Of course. Please take a seat." Charles pointed at the seat and went behind the desk again, looking at Erik briefly.

-

Erik winked at Charles and slipped out of his office, not really knowing what to do with himself for now.

He settled for going to the library and picked a book to read. Soon the library was stuffed with students who eyed him carefully.

A group of them was staring at Erik for a while now and he sighed closing his book 'Yes?' He asked looking at them with sharp eyes.

They looked at each other until the one that looked older - probably around 13, Erik guessed - spoke 'Can you really fly?'.

They all held their breaths waiting for Erik to answer and he tried softening his gaze, wanting to look more approachable 'I can' he answered and they all nodded, looking a little excited.

'What's your power?' Erik asked and walked close to where they were sitting.

The students answered and Erik was rather impressed with them, he sat on the same table they were and started talking, asking more about what they could do and even giving a few tips.

An hour later they were comfortable around him, laughing carelessly and Erik was smiling gently, listening to their stories and inside jokes - which he was even part of.

'How did you meet the professor?' One of the girls asked giggling and her friend elbowed her.

'I met him in a college event, talking about mutants and the school he wanted to open.' Technically it was a college event… At a bar… And they did talk about that, before going to the mansion and doing it on the floor.

'What?' He asked since he had been distracted.

'Martha here has a massive crush on the professor' the other girl said and Martha blushed furiously 'Really?' Erik asked chuckling.

'You should tell him that, Martha, I'm sure he'll appreciate it' he said rather amused, wanting to see Charles' reaction at a 12 years old crushing on him.

The kids kept asking him all sorts of things - Martha rather focused on details about Charles - and he spent the entire morning talking to them.

He was surprised that those kids were easy to handle and even a little fun to be around, he didn't know that but turns out he was quite fond of the small ones.

-

When mrs Brown left, they agreed that Hannah would stay with them. Charles was more than happy to have another student and smiled when the woman walked out of his office. He then guided Hannah to her room and searched for Erik.

"Professor", Jean stopped him and they talked for a bit. They haven't seen each other for quite a while now and it was good to talk about everything with her.

"Jean. Could you do me a favor?" - "Of course. What is it?" - "Could you look out a bit for Hannah? She still feels very insecure around here." Jean nodded and they said their goodbyes, before she went in another direction.

Charles located Erik in the library and went there. Students were greeting him on his way and it gave him pure happiness for his soul to see the school filled with so much laughter and joy. When he found Erik, he saw him with a group of students and smiled happily at that sight.

"Hello", he greeted and walked up to Erik's side, first looking at the students and then at Erik.

-

'Hey' Erik said softly looking at Charles and smiling.

The kids greeted him and Martha blushed furiously 'Do you know Martha has a crush on you?' - 'Yeah I do'. Erik looked up and saw Charles' cheeks getting redder.

'How was your vacations?' Charles asked smiling warmly at the students and listened paying close attention as each one of them told him what they did.

Charles placed a hand on Erik's shoulder and his thumb was stroking his skin lightly, he was about to reach out and hold his hand - maybe even place a kiss on his palm - when Martha asked "So, professor… Where is Moira?" and he let his hand drop back to his thigh.

Erik saw how embarrassed she was to ask that question, probably just wanted to see how was the competition and instantly felt bad for Charles having to answer her. He looked up at him expectantly, waiting for his answer.

-

"She is probably at work now, but we are not together anymore. So I don't know, when you will see her again", Charles said with a brief, bitter smile around his lips.

"Oh? Why not", Martha asked curiously and then blushed even more. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to intrude!"

Charles chuckled a bit and looked at Erik to reassure himself that the other man wanted them to be out. Erik gave him a small smile.

"I found an old love again", he then answered and looked at Erik with with so much affection in his eyes.

-

Erik's heart immediately felt warmer and he reached out to hold Charles' hand on his shoulder, smiling at him brightly, lost in his eyes for a second. He thought about pulling him for a kiss but he wasn't comfortable doing that in front of kids.

The students had their eyes wide and mouths open, staring at them with shocked expressions and Erik laughed.

"Are you calling me old, love?" he asked, confirming what Charles had just said and squeezing his hand "Older than me, that's for sure" - "Two years!" he exclaimed half heartedly.

The kids stared at them for a little longer, but then they started talking again, as if nothing had happened and Erik felt relieved 'How did they take it?' he asked 'As well as to be expected. Martha is a little upset, but I think she'll finally get over me now' - 'That's good. You know, I can't stop thinking about throwing you on that table and lick you up'.

-

Saliva immediately started filling his mouth at the thought of Erik hovering over him and then getting down on him. Charles bit his lip to stop his imagination and looked at the students who were chatting happily.

'You can't do that to me in front of the children, Erik!', Charles thought and glared at his boyfriend.

'I'm sorry, love. I can't help it' Erik apologised with a grin on his lips, telling Charles that he wasn't sorry at all.

"You have to excuse me now. I need to do some work in my office", Charles excused himself and looked one more time at Erik, before turning around and leaving the small group.

He went inside his office and started organising some papers that were floating around his desk.

-

Erik left the kids a while after Charles had gone. They told him they were excited for his class, and one of the girls even said he was nice - with a blush on her face.

He left the library thinking that he wasn't supposed to be nice, but he was strangely okay with the children thinking so.

He went to the kitchen to find the cooks already there preparing lunch, the menu for the students was rather healthy and Erik was impressed with Charles' effort considering the other man had a terrible eating habit. He thought about offering to help, just to find something to do with himself - not wanting to depend on Charles all the time and smother his boyfriend - but decided against it not wanting to get in the way.

Suddenly he remembered he had no material at all to be a teacher, and felt relieved for an opportunity to not just sit around. He made his way out of the mansion, but stopped when he reached the door, unsure if he could leave.

He was working there now, and all the other teachers were doing something, organizing their classrooms, their textbooks, everything. Was it okay if he just went out?

'Charles?' he called and only waited a heartbeat before the answer 'Everything okay?' - 'Yeah, I was just wondering, is it okay if I leave? It's work related, I'll be back in a couple hours' - 'Of course! Classes only start tomorrow anyway. I wish I could go with you' - 'Me too. When I get back I'll come see you. Love you' - 'Love you too, drive safe'.

Erik got in the car, once again dismissing the driver and drove to a mall nearby. He went to stationery stores, buying himself pens and notebooks. He knew Charles had those in the mansion, but he wanted to do that himself. It was rather fun to buy those kind of things. He also bought a laptop and a few books about teaching methods.

When he was done he stopped to have lunch, knowing he had probably already missed it at the mansion. And finally, he bought a box of chocolates for Charles.

-

A couple of student had approached Charles while Erik was gone, asking about advice and other things. He took his time with each one of them and smiled when he was able to help.

Charles thought about how much he had wanted children on his own, but that wish seemed so far away now. He was with Erik and intended to stay with him for as long as Erik would want him. It made him sad to think about the fact that he would probably never have children on his own. But then again, Erik was all he needed and his house was still filled with children's laughter.

He felt his presence, before Erik even opened the car door and Charles smiled to himself. During school, the house was never locked, but Charles felt his heart being filled with warmth as he thought about giving Erik a key. He was officially living here, so he needed one anyway.

Without further ado, Charles grabbed a spare key that he kept in a drawer of the desk in his office and went to greet Erik.

"Hello, love", he smiled and kissed Erik's cheek quickly after he had opened the door for him.

-

"Hello handsome" he answered putting his arms around Charles' waist and smiling at him "Did you miss me?" - "Absolutely" Charles answered. His eyes looked a little haunted and Erik wondered if there was something bothering him.

There were children sitting on the grass close to them so Erik asked "Will you help me take my things upstairs?" - "Sure".

He grabbed a few bags from the car and handed them to Charles, carrying the rest himself "Did you buy the whole mall?" his boyfriend asked and Erik rolled his eyes "Well I never stayed somewhere long enough to have my own things, but I thought I should start to do that now. If you don't agree though…" he trailed off teasing the other man.

Charles bumped his shoulder on his and Erik chuckled. They entered Erik's room - their room now - and placed the bags on the bed.

"I have something for you" Charles said turning to look at him, and Erik smiled softly "What is it?" he asked.

-

Charles took a deep breath, thinking how dramatic that must have looked like at the same time.

"I know the school is open now anyways and you probably will barely need it… you can actually open the damn door without anyway, but..", he trailed off his babbling and took the key out of his pocket.

Erik's whole expression changed from curious to loving and thankful. Charles smiled and put the key into the palm of Erik's hand, watching him close his fingers around it.

"Just to make things official", he murmured half blushing and looked shyly at the taller man.

-

Erik was filled with a happiness that knocked the air out of him. He gave Charles his sharky smile and pulled him for a deep devoted kiss, his hands caressing his cheeks during it.

"Thank you. You make me so happy" he breathed when they parted "I have something for you too" he said pulling away and picking the bag with the chocolate box.

He gave it to his boyfriend and waited for him to open, when he did, he smiled brightly and said "That's so sweet, thank you my love".

Erik pulled him in a hug and let his hand run up and down Charles' spine, his nose buried in his soft hair.

"Is everything ok? You looked a little… Off when I got here. I mean, you looked beautiful and happy as always, but I know you, and your eyes seemed worried. You want to talk about it?".

-

Charles needed a moment to realize what had made him look worried. But when he did, he just shook his head. It wouldn't bring anything to them if Charles spoke about his denied wishes he briefly had. He would be happy with Erik anyways, that was for sure - with or without children.

"Really?", Erik pushed a little and Charles kissed him gently. "Yes. There is nothing to worry about. Just some thoughts that were bothering me earlier, but nothing major."

Besides, Charles was a bit afraid to turn out like his mother or stepfather, even though he was good with his students. 'You always treat your own flesh and blood differently', he thought with a bitter taste on his tongue.

-

'Alright' Erik said feeling sad. He understood and respected that Charles didn't want to talk about it. There were many subjects he wanted to avoid himself, but it was still a shitty feeling to not be able to make it better.

'If you change your mind though, I'm here always' - 'I know'.

Erik attempted a smile, trying to make his mood a little better, it was really okay that Charles didn't want to talk to him about it.

'When do you have to go?' - 'Now actually, there are students looking for me' - 'Okay, see you later then. Maybe we can take a shower together?' he wiggled his eyebrows making Charles laugh 'Of course' he answered and Erik kissed him deep.

The kiss was long and slow, seductive and teasing. Erik pulled Charles as close as possible, their bodies touching and dicks brushing against each other. He rocked his hips lazily and hummed inside Charles' mouth before pulling away 'Something to look forward to' he whispered with a raspy voice, his sadness long forgotten.

-

The longing for Erik's lips brushing against his and feeling the outline of Erik's dick was so strong, that Charles almost gave in and seduced the other man right then. Instead, he reluctantly let go of Erik, squeezing his hand once more and smiled at him.  
"I'm already excited." With that, Charles left the room and tried focusing on different things than Erik's hips, his hair, his smile, his eyes, his chest, …

The rest of the day went on in slow motion. It felt like 8 hours later when those rest three hours had passed and Charles was finally free. His students were obviously allowed to call him in case of emergency, but that only happened once a week - maybe twice in the first one.

Charles finally opened the door to his and Erik's room and found the other man sitting on the bed already.

"Hey, love. I'm finally free. Care to take that shower now?", Charles grinned, not even halfway through the door.


	13. Love Me Down

'Definitely' Erik answered raising to his feet and meeting Charles for a kiss. 'C'mon' he said pulling his boyfriend to the bathroom and closing the door behind them. He made extra sure to lock both doors with his powers, not wanting to be interrupted at all.

Once inside the bathroom he started kissing Charles sweetly, a peck on the corner of his lips, another on his nose, forehead, chin, cheeks, jawline and stopping at the neck to explore it hungrily, Charles's smell filling his nose.

'Left the door opened so many times and you never joined me' he said against Charles' skin, kissing an old love mark right behind his ear.

Charles hummed at the caress and said 'You could have just asked you know' making Erik chuckle.

Charles' hands were under his shirt, teasing his weak spot at his hipbone and Erik immediately hoped Charles would lick it 'You're thinking too loud' Charles said laughing and Erik blushed.

He met the other man's mouth for another deep kiss, his tongue reaching everywhere, running down Charles' bottom lip and slipping inside again.

He tugged at Charles' shirt and parted from the kiss just enough to take it off and throw it on the sink, Charles doing the same to his.

Their lips met again, and their chests touched, warm skin against warm skin, while Erik's hand sneaked down Charles's torso and brushed on his boyfriend's bulge, cupping it firmly afterwards.

-

Charles moaned into Erik's half opened mouth, pressing his hips into Erik's palm. He was about to dry hump Erik's hand, when the other man let go of his crotch, leaving a cold memorie there.

"Let's shower, love", Erik grinned teasingly and Charles pouted, but nodded just at the thought of seeing Erik naked and wet. He stripped down the rest of his clothes as fast as he could, his dick already half hard.

Erik did the same and Charles was immediately on him again, glued to Erik's lean body and soft skin. His hands were roaming over Erik's body, feelings his skin underneath his fingertips. Charles met Erik's lips with an open mouthed kiss, nibbling a bit on his bottom lip before slipping his tongue inside his mouth. Teeth crushed together, but the low groan that came out of Erik's throat made up for the pain.

Charles pushed Erik towards the shower, until they stood right underneath the showerhead, still kissing wildly. He turned on the shower without looking and they both startled a bit as the cold water hit them.

-

The cold water slowed their pace slightly but their kiss continued deep.

The water warmed and their bodies were sliding against each other. Erik's fingers rolled themselves around Charles' wet hair and he pulled it sharply to kiss his boyfriend's neck, creating new bruises.

Erik pulled Charles towards him until his own back leaned against the shower stall, and Charles' body collided on his, their cocks touching 'Fuck' Erik moaned when he felt how hard his boyfriend was.

He had been waiting for that the whole day, Charles' skilled fingers touching him, his hot tongue teasing his skin and his thick cock bumping and brushing on his own.

Erik held Charles, his arms around his neck and looked at him. Charles' lips were plush and bruised, his eyes wide with pupils blown, the blue almost disappearing. Erik moaned at the sight and lifted his right leg wrapping it around the other man's waist.

'Fuck me, professor' he pleaded locking their eyes and looking at him with a shameless expression.

-

Charles moaned loudly at that, burying his face into the crook of Erik's neck to suck his skin right there. He rubbed his erection on Erik's and teased his skin at every available place.

It was hot and steamy around them and the water was just hitting Charles back, giving him shivers all over his body.

"Erik, I won't be able to hold you… I, I don't wanna hurt you", he breathed against Erik's wet skin.

His tongue was tracing all the little waterdrops on Erik's shoulder and collarbone and his fingers digging into Erik's arms. He loved this man so much, every little part of him.

-

'You won't' Erik promised.

His skin was on fire, his blood was boiling inside of him and his hips were making small thrusts, looking for more friction.

He closed the shower and whispered 'Let's go to bed, we can take a bath after' Charles agreed with a hum and Erik kissed the place where shoulder and neck met, pulling Charles out of the bathroom, their lips not parting for a second.

They reached the bed and Erik made Charles fall in it. He stayed up observing him, his eyes clouding with the desire.

Charles' chest and stomach were covered with water drops, his wet hair sprawled on the mattress, the bed sheets getting soaked underneath him.

His cock was standing up and pulsating making Erik's mouth dry and his dick bounce even higher. Charles' legs were spread, his milky toned thighs teasing Erik and making him want to lick the water away from them, and so he did.

He kneeled on the bed, his lips meeting Charles' legs, kissing, sucking and licking, his hands massaging everywhere they could until he reached his boyfriend's erection.

He looked up at him and smiled as he licked a vein on the side of Charles cock, and whispered on the head 'I'm gonna ride you so hard'.

He licked small circles on the head of his cock, tasting him there and rubbing himself against his thigh before taking it all in and hollowing his cheeks.

-

His hips buckled up uncontrollably and Erik hold him down immediately, punishing him by sucking even harder so it was almost painful, but still full of pleasure.

"Oh please, Erik", he moaned and his hands automatically found Erik's hair and pulled on it.

Pleasure and lust were running through his body, heating it up until he was boiling hot. He felt his blood pulsing through every vein, all towards his cock.

Erik's tongue was driving him insane, hot and wet curling around his dick.

Charles sat up, pulling Erik up to kiss him hungrily and letting their tongues fight once more.

He moaned into the kiss and grabbed Erik's dick, giving it a few experimental strokes. It felt hot and velvet underneath his hands as they were massaging it gently.

Erik gave soft moans from his lips, only brushing Charles' briefly as their faces were so close to each other.

-

Erik closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against Charles' and panting, his breaths coming out fast, needy sounds escaping his lips in the process.

"I can't wait anymore, love" he said "Take control of me Charles, do anything you want, I'm yours, but please… I need you".

Charles groaned at that and their movements became fast and clumsy, both wanting to find their releases but also wanting it to last as long as possible. Erik summoned a bottle of lube - he placed it in a metal container - and pushed it on Charles' hands.

His boyfriend opened it and poured the liquid on his fingers, his eyes never leaving Erik's as he guided them to his entrance and pushed them inside.

It burned, but Charles eased him with kisses on his collarbone and loving words pouring out of his lips. He scissored Erik, his fingertips brushing against his prostate and making Erik ride his fingers and moan in pleasure.

He dipped his head and started nibbling on Charles' neck, his tongue licking wet trails everywhere and making his boyfriend hum.

Charles took his fingers out of him, and guided his cock in place, the head touching Erik's hole and making him shiver anticipating the feeling. He dug his nails painfully on Charles' arms and started lowering his body as he sat on him.

"Oh God" Charles said but it didn't sound so good "What?" Erik asked stopping in place, Charles' head throbbing inside him "Someone-" he started breathless "Is looking for me… a student" - "Tell whoever it is to wait" - "I can't" - "Use your powers" Erik whispered on his ear and continued to go down, his entire lower body burning with the feeling of being stretched like that.

"I can't focus" Charles said with a raspy voice, his eyes shutting close "I'll stay very still" Erik promised in a low tone and caressed his boyfriend's body. When Charles' face started to seem more focused, Erik rocked his hips experimentally making the other man whimper and hold him with strong hands while Erik chuckled.

-

'Please come back later, I am', Charles was interrupted by Erik's hips moving and he glared at him. Then he searched contact with that student again. 'I am busy. Go to Jean.' Charles broke contact, not knowing if the child would follow his advice but was hoping so.

He focused on Erik again and buckled his hips up, driving a hoarse moan out of the other man's throat. The tightness around Charles' cock was overwhelming, as he was pressing his chest against Erik's and kissed his jawline. He felt the slight stubble underneath his lips and hummed at the sensation.

"It's clear now. Erik please move", he moaned and felt Erik moving his hips immediately afterwards.

Both men were panting and moaning each other's names as Erik lowered his body in Charles' cock again and again.

"Mhhm Erik… feel so good… so tight", Charles breathed against Erik's lips and kissed him again.

-

Charles' words made him moan and start moving his hips faster, Charles going deeper with each thrust, meeting him halfway.

Erik's entire body was getting ready for his orgasm, his muscles tightening and his back starting to arch as he breathed heavily, his mouth occupied with the kissing.

He ran his nails up Charles' back making him groan and then parted from the kiss, his hand finding his own erection and starting to stroke it.

Charles looked down, watching him touch himself and he moaned, his fingers digging painfully on Erik's thigh and leaving marks there.

"Charles… hmhmhhg...I'm gonna come" Erik said his voice raspy, his cock feeling heavy on his hand and his prostate being stimulated by each thrust.

-

Watching Erik come apart while riding his cock was breathtaking and Charles moaned Erik's name again and again.

When Erik's release finally hit his stomach and the other man let out a low groan, stroking himself through his orgasm - Charles couldn't hold back anymore.

He grabbed Erik's hips and rolled them around, so he was on top. Then he began thrusting into Erik harder and faster. Charles moaned disconnected words, until he rolled over the edge, coming inside Erik and breathing in as much air as possible to not lose his mind.

He buried himself deep into Erik's hole and then collapsed on top of him. Their breaths were flat and quick, skin still wet - water mixed with sweat.

Charles gently pulled out of Erik, hearing a small hiss from him and snuggled up next to him.

"I love you so much", he whispered and kissed Erik's shoulder.

"I love you too", Erik smiled, turning his head towards Charles. "Do you still want to take the bath?"

"Way too exhausted now. Tomorrow?" Erik nodded and they both feel asleep rather quickly. Their naked bodies pressed tight against each other on the wet bedsheets.

-

A month passed since the first day of class and things were going smoothly. Erik found out he loved being a teacher - having all those eyes glued to him as he talked about something he knew well, and taught them how to have better control over themselves caused a rush he could barely explain.

It felt amazing to have people looking up to him and he was starting to get rather fond of them all. He discovered in that short month that he actually loved kids and teenagers and whenever he had a free time he would join them on their games and conversations.

Some of them were still stiff around him, but he could feel them starting to warm up, and that made him happy.

The teachers that were Charles' friends were gentle towards him, always including Erik on their activities and telling him stories about Charles - 'So that's why you never let anyone inside that room' Scott had said once making his boyfriend blush furiously and getting kissed on the temple by Erik.

Things were amazing and Erik felt happy for the first time in his life. Charles completed him in so many ways and brought so much joy to his life, that Erik could never imagine himself without the other man by his side. He couldn't see himself eating breakfast alone, doing the laundry, brushing his teeth or shaving without his boyfriend next to him. Whenever Charles walked in the room he was in, he would smile openly, his mood improving and his heart feeling immediately lighter.

In fact, his feelings for Charles were so strong - he didn't even think it was possible for them to grow, but they did - that Erik found himself thinking that only calling him 'boyfriend' wasn't enough anymore. He wasn't sure about how the other man would feel about that, but he was planning on talking to him about their futures soon, to try and found out what is it that his boyfriend wanted.

For Erik, they could get married and even have mutant kids of their own, raising them on that great school, and having them jumping on their beds early in the morning, waking them up with hugs and kisses. He blushed at his thought and shook his head not wanting to jump the gun. If Charles wanted things to stay the same, that was good enough for him too.

Erik raised from his chair and started walking around the classroom, checking on the essays he had asked his students to write and shushing some of them.

-

The call came at noon. All the students and teachers had lunch or were at their rooms, but Charles stayed in the office to finish some paper work.

When it rang, he didn't even bother looking at the caller ID and just answered it. "Xavier?"

Silence. Then after an awful long moment. "Charles."

Her voice was serious and somehow afraid and Charles immediately sat up straight and held the phone tighter.

"Moira, what's wrong? Are you alright?" - "Yes, I am okay. I … we need to talk."

Charles swallowed thickly around a lump in his throat. "We are talking now. Tell me what is happening", he said in the most calm voice he could afford right now. She would know how upset and worried he was anyway.

"I didn't know… I didn't know until now, okay? Don't blame me, Charles", she already started justifying herself. Charles tried to shush her.

"I'm pregnant, Charles."

And suddenly his whole world was upside down. "What?", he breathed out, not wanting to believe what he just heard.

"I am in my first month. But it's official. And I haven't slept with anybody apart from you", she said and Charles believed her. Moira wasn't a whore or anything and she wouldn't lie to Charles about him being the father just for the money. Besides, she knew he could always find out. This was real.

"We need to talk personally", he then said and Moira agreed. They set up and time and place tomorrow and hung up.

Charles just kept sitting in his chair, staring at the door and thinking.

-

Erik had just finished having lunch when he got up and prepared a plate for Charles. He knew the other man was probably at his office buried in paperwork and he had noticed how much of an habit it was for him to skip meals because of work.

He put the plate on a tablet and smiled at himself because of his idea. It had been forever since he gave Charles a post-it so he glued a green one in front of the plate that said 'I love your hands' and walked to his office.

When he got there he knocked on the door, knowing Charles was already aware of his presence. When no answer came, he frowned and opened the door, to find Charles staring at it, his gaze not moving away even when Erik went inside.

He immediately knew something was wrong and put the tablet on top of the table, going next to his boyfriend and kneeling down. He turned Charles' chair around, putting both hands on his thighs, caressing him "What is it, love?" he asked as softly as he could, not wanting to startle Charles and make him close himself.

-

Charles had been thinking about how to tell Erik for the last ten minutes - or was it half an hour? Two hours?

He had lost all sense of time. So many questions were running through his head that he didn't have an answer for.

First he thought about not telling Erik for now, but quickly vanished that thought when he imagined lying to Erik and meeting Moira behind his back. He had been so open with Charles and this was as much Erik's problem as it was Charles' and Moira's.

Still, he didn't want to scare Erik, not wanting him to think Charles would leave because of that. Would Erik leave him? Would he once again walk out of his life and never turn back?

He stopped his thoughts and looked at Erik, who stared lovingly but worried at him.

"Moira is pregnant", he then whispered, as if he was too scared to break something if he would say it louder.


	14. Lost

Erik's heart dropped to the floor and he felt a pain on his chest. Did he hear that right? Moira was pregnant. Fuck.

He opened his mouth but no words came out of it, so he sat on his heels, his hands falling to his sides and his gaze escaping Charles' eyes. This was it then. All the plans he had been doing, the proposal he had thought of, the future of them he had imagined. Gone. All gone.

Charles was a good man, he wouldn't let Moira alone during that. He was probably one of those guys who married the girl even if he didn't want to, just to make things right. And Erik wasn't the type of guy to stop him from doing that.

He looked up again, his eyes filled with desperation and his hands shaking. He didn't know what he was seeing on Charles' face, couldn't read him at that moment and that scared him more than anything.

Charles wasn't going to leave him now, would he? They could have another month. Maybe two. Just a little more, he couldn't let go yet.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He didn't know what else to say. Congratulations? It seemed too forced at that moment. Asking him if they were over? He couldn't make himself say that.

-

"I am confused and I have tons of questions running through my mind. Nervous… excited? Not yet, I guess", he answered honestly, trying to search for hold in Erik's eyes.

The other man looked so lost, it broke Charles heart. Even though he had promised not to, Charles needed to know what Erik was thinking. He needed to be sure that Erik wasn't walking away, thinking he would do him a favor.

' _No, Charles. This is not the way. Ask him. Ask him and he'll tell you'_ , he said to himself and bit his lip.

What should he ask? _'Are you going to leave me?_ ' Erik could misunderstand that one easily.

"How are you feeling?", he asked back, wondering if he could have done better.

-

Erik had no idea how to answer that, so he settled for "I'm scared" and hoped Charles would understand what he meant.

He looked down, lost in his thoughts. He needed to hug the other man so much right now, he needed to feel him close and know they would always have each other, but as he had just said, he was so scared.

"How long-" he started and paused to swallow a knot on his throat. God, his eyes were filling with tears and he suddenly felt at least ten years older, the weight of life falling on his shoulders.

"Will you marry her?" he asked then, a stupid tear escaping his eye and his hand quickly going up to his face trying to hide it before it was noticed.

-

That single tear that fell down Erik's cheek broke Charles' heart. Charles quickly kneeled down to be on the same level as Erik and removing the other man's hand from his face. Then he cupped it with his own hands and brushed the tear away with his thumb.

"Erik. Listen to me very carefully. I am not going to leave you. Ever. You don't have to be scared of that, okay?"

Charles leaned his forehead against Erik's and looked him deep in the eyes.

He wanted Erik to understand that there was nothing to be afraid of in his position. He needed Erik to understand and help him through the complicated situation. He needed Erik's strength, because Charles feared, that alone he wasn't strong enough.

-

"Okay" Erik whispered, letting his heart believe that.

He took a deep breath, controlling himself and his emotions again, while his arms went around Charles' neck. He wasn't leaving Erik. And Erik was certainly never leaving him. So they would be okay. They could do this as long as they were together.

"It sounds… good though, doesn't it?" he asked after a moment, breaking their silence but not breaking the eye contact "A child. Do you want one? I've been meaning to ask you that for a while now".

As he spoke, he bumped their noses together, needing the reassurance. He was still fucking scared of that situation, but knowing Charles was staying with him, made it all better out of nowhere and he was already seeing a bright side.

-

Charles wanted children. He had been thinking about that once already.

Seeing Erik happier and more relaxed, calmed Charles down. He was still unsure if he would be a good father and how they would manage everything with Moira.

Still, he couldn't hide that a little excitement was bubbling up inside him. He had wanted kids and now he got the chance to become a dad.

His heart was swelling immensely in his chest and he smiled at Erik.

"I've always wanted children and when I decided for you, I actually thought, I'd never be able to have one", he blurted out.

-

Erik felt something inside himself breaking. He suddenly felt cold and the need to cry came rushing back.

God, he had never- when he thought about having children with Charles, he thought that maybe the other man wouldn't want that and it would be okay, because really, it wasn't his dream. It wasn't something he had always wanted or thought about.

But it was something Charles had dreamt of. And when he decided for Erik he had also given up completely on what he wished for because he had decided it was for the best.

Erik was the one who was keeping Charles from having a full life just because he couldn't give him kids. But there were other ways. They could adopt, they could have a surrogate mother, fuck, they could even steal a baby if Charles wanted. But just… Think he would never be able to because he decided to stick with Erik?

To say his heart was broken was an understanding and Erik felt like getting up and leaving the office, leaving the mansion, leaving the country. How could Charles even-. Goddamnit.

The more he tried to give, the more he was actually taking away from the other man.

His arms fell from around Charles' neck and he pulled his head away, his boyfriend's hands falling from his face. "Yeah, that's good for you" he said his voice sounding flat.

The bell rang telling him it was time for his class to start, so he stood up, his legs feeling too heavy like they didn't belong to his body. "I gotta go" he said "But that's great Charles, I mean, now you can finally be complete you know. And if you're worried I'll leave you like I always do, don't be, okay? I need to go" he rushed the end of his sentence - his voice breaking at each word.

Before he could leave the office his eyes found the tablet with the food and post-it and he said "Eat your lunch, love" before leaving almost running, his heart clenching painfully inside his chest.

He stopped in a empty room, not caring if he was getting late for class and bit harshly on his bottom lip, making it bleed until the desire to cry went away.

-

Erik looked like Charles had just slapped him with his words. Before he could even say something, Erik was out of the door. Charles had read his mind at that very moment, needing to know what was wrong. Erik's thoughts startled him and he needed a moment to gather himself. Why would Erik think that Charles was unhappy or incomplete around him? Erik was all Charles needed and he should tell him this.

Without further ado, Charles got up from his desk and followed Erik

He just saw the other man leaving a room, when the door to a classroom next to them opened and children ran out of it. Charles almost lost Erik in the crowd and they couldn't talk around the students anyway.

Just like that, Charles froze everyone, making them stand still and focused on Erik, who was looking around confused.

"Erik. Don't run away from me. Not like that, not right now. I need you Erik. You are all I've ever wanted."

-

Erik turned around when he heard Charles' voice and he couldn't tell if he was happy the other man came after him or not. He didn't know what to say or how to express his feelings at that moment.

He stared at him for a while, his heart beating fast inside his chest and he grinded his teeth to get a grip on himself and not start crying. He didn't cry like that. But just the thought of hurting Charles, of not being good for him was enough to bring him to tears at any second.

'But I'm not, am I?' He asked his voice small even for his own ears 'I mean, how long have you been carrying that feeling inside of you? That you could never have children because you decided for me? God, Charles. I want kids too. I want a family with you and you never thought about asking, you just assumed…' He trailed off not knowing how to continue. His fingers ran through his hair desperately and he closed his eyes breathing deep.

'You just assumed your dream was gone because you stuck with me.' He shook his head 'Maybe you thought that it wouldn't come from as much love as it would have if you were with a woman. But you're wrong you know, you're wrong. I would have loved that tiny little person no matter where it came from, and I can't understand why you would think you couldn't have that because of me.'

-

"I did.. I did, Erik", Charles said desperately. He stepped closer to Erik, seeing that the other man backed away just a tiny bit and stopped. His heart was caught in his throat.

"It's true. The dream became out of reach for me after we started dating, but I never abandoned it. I knew you would do that for me, but we're at the beginning of our relationship, so I didn't even start to think about children yet", he explained and once again got closer to Erik.

He lifted his arm, to put it on Erik's cheek and looked him deep in the eye.

"You are everything I need, Erik. And now you get to love a tiny little person, be a dad for him or her just as much as I will try to be, if everything works out the way I want."

All the people around him were still frozen and Charles had to concentrate not to let them slip.

-

_'But we're at the beginning of our relationship, so I didn't even start to think about children yet'_ those words were glued inside his head and he couldn't stop repeating them.

He was such a fool. Thinking about a family, planning a perfect proposal. He wasn't planning on doing that the next day, but he wanted to do it soon, and now… Charles wasn't even thinking about it because it was too early.

He was right of course, what kind of person thinks of family and marriage after a month of dating? To him it was just so certain, after all, he had been in love with Charles for eleven years now.

Somehow it felt like all the words coming out of Charles' mouth were the wrong ones, like Erik could find a flaw in each one of them, and even him saying that Erik would get to be a dad for his child didn't do much to soothe his heart at that moment.

Maybe he just needed a time for himself. Needed to breathe, to think. But there was something about Charles' eyes when he looked at Erik so deeply, that told him Charles was scared and he couldn't go now. He would have his moment later.

"Okay" Erik said not wanting to fight anymore. "It's going to be okay, Charles. You don't have to be scared of being a father, I'll be with you all the way, I promise". He knew he didn't sound so convincing at that moment, but he meant all those words, he was just feeling out of place.

"I'm sorry I got upset, it was foolish of me to think of important things like that so early" he completed looking down, his hands going to rest on his boyfriend's waist.

-

Charles wanted to say that it wasn't foolish of Erik to think about things like that. He wanted to confess that he thought about it too the other day. But somehow he knew that every word he was just saying right now, would draw Erik more away from him. Right now, Charles just wanted to hold Erik close, needed his strength. His world was still upside down and he feared losing the ground beneath his feet. He needed Erik to support him now, they needed to be at the same page.

"Thank you. Let's talk about this later, okay? You need your time and I am so sorry for any word you might have misunderstood", Charles finally said and kissed Erik's cheeks.

"I'll take your classes for today, no arguing."


	15. Turning Point

Erik did want to argue but he knew when Charles had already made up his mind. He pulled the other man into a tight hug, trying to tell him everything was okay.

When he let go he turned around and walked away. He left the mansion and got inside the car, driving as far as he could.

It didn't have anything to do with Charles, really. He just wasn't very good with dealing with his feelings, he needed time to process them all and think about how he actually felt.

He knew it must be shitty for Charles to be waiting for him to understand himself like that, but there was nothing he could do, was there? This is who he was.

He drove around for hours, the day getting dark around him, but he didn't care. He stopped in front of a park where there were many kids playing, laughing and running around, and rested his head against the steering wheel.

Charles was going to be a father. Of Moira's baby. A month after he showed up and changed everything. Charles could have had the perfect life if he didn't mess everything up. But he couldn't regret it for a second. He was here now, and they were going to get through this together.

He lifted his head and started observing the kids, his heart filling with a different kind of warmth and excitement starting to bubble inside of him. If he and Charles were ever to marry, he would be a stepfather. And he could be a very nice one, he could spoil the baby with everything, and when it got bigger he could take him or her out. He could feed them chocolate when no one was looking, and he could let them sleep later when Charles was too distracted to notice.

He was surprised to find out he already loved that child immensely. And it was perfect really, now Charles got everything he wanted and that made Erik so happy, even if he wasn't the one making it happen.

He felt suddenly awful, only now grasping how scared that whole situation must make Charles feel. His whole world had just changed and Erik had just made it worse with his whining and drama. He turned on the car and started driving again. He needed to make a quick stop at a store and then he could go back home and apologize profoundly about his behaviour.

 

-

Charles felt awful after their fight - was it a fight? - and he tried his best not to think about it. He didn't mean to hurt Erik like that, all he wanted was to feel his arms around Charles' body and his soothing voice whispering 'everything will be okay' into his ear.

Still, Charles wasn't angry with Erik. He needed his time to think, because these news surely hit him as much as they had hit Charles. All he wished for though, was for them to get along again soon. He couldn't live with the thought, that his baby might ruin everything between them.

"Professor?", one of his students asked and pulled him out of his thoughts. "Yeah, sorry. You are dismissed for today", he quickly said, letting his students go ten minutes earlier.

Charles walked in the kitchen and looked for a snack to eat, that would give him energy. When would children start to eat solid food? How many sweets were they supposed to eat? Do they need more vegetables than adults?  
So many questions for which Charles didn't have an answer. He'd always imagined informing himself about everything, before he'd even start to try. Now, only about eight months were left and Charles knew nothing.

-

When Erik got home he didn't know where Charles was, but classes were already over so he knew the other man was free. 'Charles?' he called and a second later the answer came 'You're back' - 'Yes, could you meet me in our room?' he asked eager to see his boyfriend already. He didn't want them to feel that way any longer 'Of course'.

He was already in front of their room, and he entered it. He sat on the bed and waited for Charles to show up. While he did he opened the bag he had brought, and pulled out of it a… well, he didn't really know what the hell was that, but the woman at the store said it was called 'body' and that newly born babies wore them.

She had also said that since he didn't know the sex he should buy a yellow one, so it would fit both a boy and a girl.

When the door finally opened and Charles slipped in, Erik got up, holding the body with both his hands to show it to Charles "Peace?" he asked looking him in the eyes.

-

When Charles saw the small suit for babies, his eyes filled with tears. He was overwhelmed by the excitement and also fear that came with the responsibility as a father. But he was also glad that Erik was here with him, supporting him.

"I-", he started but his voice cracked and he broke into tears.

Charles hadn't been crying like that since years, but he couldn't seem to stop it. These news today and then the fight with Erik physically exhausted him. He kept so many feelings inside of him during his classes, all those emotions that broke out right then.

Charles broke down on his knees, burying his face into his hands. "I can't - .. I can't be a father.. I'll suck.. I'll fail", he blurted out, still crying and voice shaking.

-

Erik immediately ran towards Charles, falling on his knees in front of him and bringing him close, his arms going around his shaking body, putting Charles' head on his chest. His hands were running up and down Charles' spine and he started making shushing sounds to calm him down.

"That's not true, love. I've never met anyone more fit to be a father than you". He kissed Charles' hair and felt his boyfriend's hands going around his waist.

"You're going to be amazing, Charles. Look at what you've built here. All these students love you, they look up to you, you're their father figure. Look at what you did for me, you made me feel loved, accepted, you made me a good person. What makes you think you wouldn't be even better for your own child?" - "It's different" he said between hiccups, tears still coming out of his eyes.

Erik pulled away gently and used his hands to dry his boyfriend's cheek "It is different. But that doesn't make it bad. It makes it good. You're going to be such a loving father. That's all children need. Love and support. And I know you're full of that to give away. We'll figure out the other stuff as we go on, my love. I know we can do this, and I'll be here with you".

-

It felt so good to finally feel Erik's arms around his body, to finally letting himself fall. Almost a whole day with repressed emotions drained him and he almost hung lifeless in Erik's arms. He breathed in the unremarkable, grounding scent of just Erik and closed his eyes, calming down a bit. He didn't know how much he needed to hear those words, that he was going to be a good father, until Erik actually said them.

"Thank you, Erik.. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I hurt you earlier. I didn't mean to", he apologised and hid his face in the crook of Erik's neck.

Charles was still a hell of a lot scared to fail at being a father, but Erik told him that he would be there and Charles wanted nothing more than for Erik to see Charles' child as his own. He wanted Erik to be a father too.

-

"And I'm sorry I made it worse… It was selfish of me" he meant it and hugged Charles tight to show him he was being honest.

"Come here" he said after a while and got up on his feet, pulling Charles along. He kissed his boyfriend's lips gently and tugged at his shirt to take it off.

Charles lifted his arms and let him remove the item before he said "I don't think I'm in the mood" and Erik just smiled.

"Do you trust me?" he asked solemnly and when Charles answered "Of course" he kissed him again, opening his pants and pushing it down along with his underwear.

Then, he parted from the kiss, and pushed the other man on the bed "Turn around" he asked, and Charles did so without hesitating.

It meant a lot to him to see that he was trusted like that, and Erik felt his heart getting twice as big. He opened the drawer on his side of the bed and picked a soothing lotion - he had bought it a few days earlier thinking of a good use for it, but this was so much better.

Erik climbed in the bed, and sat on the small of Charles' back, his knees digging on the mattress on each side of his boyfriend's body. He poured the lotion on his hands and frictioned them together, to make it warmer, before lowering his hands and resting them on Charles' shoulders.

He started massaging it gently, feeling the knots there and trying to undo them. "It's going to be great" he started as his hands worked "You will not fail this at all. In fact, I can already hear your baby telling you you're the best father in the world".

-

Charles immediately relaxed underneath Erik, feelings his hands running gently over his body and tense muscles. He hummed in appreciation, closing his eyes and giving himself to Erik completely. Erik's fingers did wonders to his back, making Charles feel at peace.

He smiled at the words from Erik. "I have the feeling, you'll be the more likable dad", he chuckled a bit at that thought.

Charles could clearly see Erik allowing his - their - child all the things Charles had forbidden earlier. Somehow, the thought made him smile happily.

"You were always the rebel, Erik. Of course you want the child to grow up as one too."

Charles moaned a bit, when Erik rubbed away a tense spot and breathed in deeply.

-

Erik couldn't explain how Charles' words made him feel. He would be a dad too. Charles wanted him to be not only the boyfriend, he wanted him to be part of it.

He moved down, sitting on Charles' ass and his hand working lower on his back, firmly pressing all the spots that seemed tense until he started looking more relaxed.

He moved down again, his hands squeezing and caressing Charles' ass "I'm going to be daddy, then?" he asked when he finally got control of himself, his voice still sounding too excited though.

-

"Of course, you will", Charles smiled and turned around to face Erik. "You're going to be an even better dad than anyone could imagine, Erik."

Charles pulled Erik's face towards his own and kissed him sweetly. When he pulled away, he looked into Erik's eyes, a bit unsure. "I mean, if you want to", he then said, biting his lip.

Maybe Erik wouldn't want to pretend to be a father for Charles' child, even though all sign spoke against it. He had told him, that he would love a child even though it's not it's own. He had bought the little clothing piece for Charles' baby. Erik wanted the child as much as Charles did.

"Could you show me that clothing thing again? I don't even know how it's called", Charles asked, chuckling and before Erik could say something about his former statement. "It looked so cute, but I barely got to see it."

-

Erik smiled widely before getting up. He tossed Charles' underwear so he could put it back on and picked the gift he had bought from the bedside table.

He sat down next to his boyfriend, and showed it to him again "Apparently it's called 'onesie' or 'body' and that's what babies wear at first," he said. It was a cute yellow body with the drawing of a giraffe in it, it seemed so small Erik couldn't even imagine it fitting someone.

He handed it over to Charles who had sat up and held it with a mesmerized look in his eyes. Erik put a hand on his thigh and said "Of course I want it, Charles. It will make me so happy. I already love your baby so much I can barely believe".

-

The body looked so cute and the fabric was ever so soft between his fingers. Erik had picked out such an adorable piece of clothes, Charles was in love with it.

"It's beautiful, Erik", he looked up and met Erik's eyes, looking at him lovingly and thankful. "Thank you."

Erik's hand still rested on his thigh and Charles intertwined their fingers together and squeezing the other man's soft hands slightly. He was happy, that Erik was already loving his baby.

"Can you imagine that the head won't be any bigger to just fit right into one of our hands? So tiny", he breathed as he felt Erik's hand underneath his.

"No. I can barely imagine that it'll fit into that small onesie", Erik confessed, making Charles smile and nod in agreement.

"I want you to accompany me tomorrow. We need to discuss a lot of things with Moira and I want you to be there for that."

-

"Are you sure? I mean, I want to be there, but won't Moira be uncomfortable?" he asked unsure.

He wanted to be there more than anything, all the step of the way. If he was accepted on the ultrasound's appointments he would definitely show up, if he could even watch the birth he would. Actually, scratch that. He can skip the birth part as long as he can be there for the rest.

"I don't know" Charles said honestly "But she needs to accept you're as much part of this as I am". Erik smiled fondly at him and kissed the corner of his mouth "I'll go then".

They both observed the little piece of clothing before Erik spoke again "Thank you. For wanting me to be part of it, for including me".

He pulled his boyfriend into a deep kiss, needing to feel him close, to reassure them both that everything was going to be okay, that they could manage it. When they parted, he whispered on the other man's mouth "I love you, Charles".

-

"I love you too, Erik", Charles whispered and gave Erik another small peck on the lips.

Suddenly, he started yawning and just realised how exhausted he felt. "Can we go to bed though? Today's events have really drained me", he asked and Erik chuckled.

"No problem, love. We can go to bed."

They snuggled up into each other's arms and Charles put the small piece of clothing right between their bodies, making them both smile like a fool.

The next morning came and Charles excused him and Erik from class, saying they needed to discuss personal issues and soon, both found themselves in a coffeeshop in town. They had ordered coffee and a piece of chocolate cake, but neither of them was eating, too nervous of the conversation ahead.

Then, Moira stepped into the small coffeeshop, seeing them immediately and smiled a little at Charles as she got closer. Charles got up from his seat and greeted her with a hug, stroking her back a little.

"Hey, how are you?", he asked once he had let go of her and they started sitting down again. Moira nodded at Erik with a hint of a smile and then looked at Charles to answer his question. "Had some morning sickness today, but I'm fine now. Still a bit startled by the news."

-

"Yes, we were very shocked when you called" Charles said sounding nervous and Erik placed his hand on his thigh under the table.

They stayed quiet for a while and Erik spoke "Can I get you anything, Moira? I don't know if you're supposed to drink coffee, but there are other things…" he trailed off "The coffee is no problem, so I think I'll accept one, please" she said politely and he nodded.

He got up and went to the counter to order one for her and went back to the table. Charles still seemed a little stiff and not sure of what to say, so he looked at her and tried to start the conversation.

"So… this is rather good, huh? A baby. Are you excited?" he asked awkwardly. He had never really talked to her, hell, Charles didn't even introduce them properly.

"I am." she answered "I'm scared of course, it's a lot of responsibility and this-" she said pointing between them three "Is hardly the right setting". She sounded a little bitter at the end of her sentence and Erik felt a little bad.

"I know it isn't. But we'll make it work" he said and squeezed Charles' thigh begging for a little help there.

-

"Moira, this setting will stay like that for quite a while", Charles politely said and Moira sighed quietly, but nodded. "I know. I'm just still a little bitter about our breakup, but can you blame me?", she then said and Charles shook his head.

"Of course not. We just need to try and make the best out of the situation and also focus on the child for now." - "Yes, we should."

"So, did you already go to the doctor?", Charles then asked after a moment of silence.

"I did, just to make sure about the baby and all. My next appointment is in three weeks for the first ultrasound appointment. You are free to come", she answered and after a brief moment of hesitation, she looked at Erik. "Both of you", she added.

Charles smiled thankfully at her, happy that she tried accepting Erik.

-

"Thank you, Moira" Erik said smiling warmly at her. There was no way Moira would ever not hate Erik, but he wanted her to at least feel comfortable around him now that they were all part of the same family "We'll be there".

She gave him a half smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, and took a sip of her coffee that had just arrived.

"So, how are we doing this?" she then asked and looked between them both. "I… I really don't want to give up my job. You know how much it means to me, Charles. I love what I do. But being a single mother… I can't raise our child and work at the same time."

It seemed a little early to make conclusions like that, but Moira looked sure she would not give her job for anything. Erik couldn't blame her. She had just lost her boyfriend, her house and now her freedom. It was only natural that she wanted to hold on to her job like that.

"We still have time to think about that" Erik then said and Charles continued, voicing Erik's own concerns; "But if you do stay working then… what do you think we should do?".

She looked at him as it was obvious and said "Well if I don't quit my job, we'll have to find a very good daycare won't we?".

-

"There is no way I'm gonna let my child be raised by somebody else, Moira", he said immediately.

Charles knew way too well how it was like to grow up and not have their parents around. It was awful and he would do anything to prevent his child from growing up like this, at all cost.

"I'm going to take care of the baby as much as I can. But it won't grow up like I did. I will not let that happen", he then put words to his thoughts.

Moira's facial expression immediately softened. "I didn't mean to-" - "I know. But I am telling you this now. I won't be that kind of parent to my child."

Moira nodded and took another sip from her coffee. Charles felt a hand on his thigh and looked at Erik, realising how much he had raised his voice. People were looking at them. Charles couldn't help it, this topic was too personal for him.

"Go back to your own business", he said to the people, putting the thought into their minds and they immediately turned away like nothing happened.

-

Erik completely understood where Charles was coming from. He had also grown up without parents and he knew how much that helped shaping him, how much he wished he had someone to take care of him back then, to be loved.

"But you haven't decided yet, have you?" he asked her and she shook her head "No, I'm still considering all the options" - "Well maybe…" he started not sure if Charles would appreciate him being the one saying that "We should consider letting the baby be with us, if you do decide to keep working".

She looked at Erik like it was the last thing she had thought of and he didn't dare looking at Charles right now, not knowing how he would take the idea.

"I mean, we work at home. We can find a schedule that will allow us take care of the baby. It's just an idea we should think of".

He picked his own mug to hide his face behind it and took a sip of his coffee. God, he needed something stronger.

-

Charles head had immediately turned around at Erik's words, but the other man wouldn't meet his gaze. He had been thinking the same, but didn't know if they would actually be able to take care of a child. Charles was still very much afraid of becoming a father.

"It's certainly better than a daycare", Charles then said and Moira nodded. "You could visit us anytime", he continued with a smile, not wanting to cast Moira out.

"It is an option. And of course, you can come visit me any time as well", Moira agreed.

"How long will you be freed from work?" - "Three months before, eight months after. But I think, it'll be good if you can take the baby in that time too, just over the weekend or something. To get used to it."

Charles nodded and ate a bit of his chocolate cake, making Moira smile. "I bet the baby will love chocolate cake as much as you do." Charles laughed at that. "Probably. It'll have your nose, though. I can already see it coming", he answered, making Moira blush.

"Do you think… it will be gifted?", Moira then asked and Charles frowned.

"It's very likely. I mean, the mutation gene is passed on by the father, but it could always jump a generation."

-

Erik rolled his eyes behind his mug at the conversation they were having. Oh how cute, Moira's nose. Look, Moira's hair. My God, Moira's feet. He couldn't help but feel slightly jealous at that, but he kept his feelings at bay, not wanting them to leak to Charles' mind. He seriously hoped the baby would have Charles' everything.

He listened when Charles started going on and on about the mutation gene - like he always did when someone asked - and smiled at that. Moira seemed bored. At least Erik liked listening to his boyfriend's babbling.

They talked about other details afterwards, like how they would manage during holidays - they would switch it every year -, what kind of education they wanted the child to have - if it wasn't mutant - and other kind of things.

At the end of the meeting they all had a lot to consider and decide, their points were made and they had listened to each other's opinion, which was exactly what Erik had hoped it would happen. Moira hadn't freaked out about his presence - yet - and Erik was leaving feeling a little jealous, but apart from that, everything had gone smoothly and he was happy.

Moira had to go back to work and she left, leaving them both at the coffeeshop.

"Do you want to go home, or would you like to stay here a little longer?" Erik asked sensing Charles still needed a little time before going back to the school.

-

"Can we stay for ten more minutes? I just need to let everything sink in", he asked and Erik agreed.

He ate the last bit of his cake and looked at Erik with a small smile.

"Are you still excited?", he asked. "Yes, of course. Why?"

"Me too. It just seems so much more real now. Kind of freaks me out", Charles confessed. "Me too, but we have time to prepare and adjust."

"I can't seem to shake the thought of it being a mutant", Charles continued and played with his fork and the last crumbs on the plate.

"It would be amazing, wouldn't it?" - "Yes. You know my opinion about mutants and humans living together. I just keep thinking about it. In no good or bad way, just thinking."

He shook his head as if he wanted to shake these thoughts away and focused on Erik again.

"Thank you for accompanying me today. I really do believe now, we can work this out."

-

Erik reached out and held Charles' hand 'I know we can, love. You'll be a fantastic father.'

He kissed him briefly on the lips and looked in his eyes lovingly. 'We are the lucky ones, aren't we? I'm so happy, Charles. I never thought I would be, but yet here we are. You are so good to me'.

Charles smiled warmly at him and answered 'We are, my love. You make me happy too!'

They stayed at the coffeeshop for a little longer and then went back to the school, each one teaching their own classes in the afternoon.


	16. Heartbeats

The following three weeks flew by them and it was finally the day for Moira's ultrasound appointment. They hadn't seen her since the meeting at the coffeeshop but Charles had talked to her through the phone and updated Erik about her state. She was fine, seven weeks pregnant now and with morning sickness.

Erik had just woken up and was staring at his boyfriend's gorgeous face.

He leaned in and kissed Charles' lips, moving to his jawline and neck sucking on it gently. He heard a soft moan coming from the other man and quickly climbed on top of him, his hands going under his shirt, scratching his nails on Charles' skin 'Wake up my love' he said rubbing his morning erection on his thigh.

-

Charles moaned again, tired but aroused and opened his eyes a little. Erik was hovering over him and it was quite a sight to wake up to.

"Morning", he murmured, pulling Erik close and kissing him breathless.

Their erections met, making them moan and rub them against each other again and again.

They kissed lazily, slow and teasingly tongues intertwining. Charles finally parts from Erik's lips and looked at the bruises he had left on them.

"This is a way to wake up", he grinned cheekily.

-

Erik chuckled and kissed Charles' lips 'Want you' he whispered there with a hoarse voice.

'Do we have time?' his boyfriend asked wrapping his legs around him. 'Not for what I want to do' Erik mouthed against Charles' skin and he moaned.

'But I can still make you feel so good' he said going down Charles' body and pulling his pants and underwear off with one movement.

He looked up sinfully and licked around the tip of his dick, already tasting Charles. The other man's hips buckled up when Erik took his cock inside his mouth and he almost choked but didn't stop him.

He let Charles fuck his mouth and moaned around it, enjoying the feeling.

-

Charles came with a low groan into Erik's mouth after a few moments, archings is back off the mattress. He looked up from the pillow and met Erik's eyes.

"God, I love you so much", he smiled and pulled him closer to kiss him again. His hand wandered to Erik's crotch, grabbing the hard dick firmly.

"Mhhm, we'll be running late if you do that", Erik moaned against Charles' lips. "Don't care", Charles murmured, biting Erik's lip teasingly.

Charles lazily sucked Erik off afterwards, making them run late about ten minutes.

When they arrived at the doctor, holdings hands, Moira was already waiting for them.

"Finally! I've been waiting for you too forever!"

-

'I'm sorry, Moira. I overslept' Erik said not wanting her to blame Charles.

'If you're not taking this seriously then you shouldn't even come' she said sounding irritated about their delay.

'Moira-' Charles started but she got up from the chair and went inside the doctor's office without saying anything. Charles turned to look at Erik with a apologetic look.

'Pregnancy hormones' Erik said brushing off her rudeness and they followed her inside the office.

'Oh hello! I'm doctor Sheila. Who's the daddy?' She asked sweetly and Moira - who was already lying in the bed - pointed at Charles 'He is'.

'Aww you two are going to have such a beautiful family! Come stay next to the mommy,-' she paused as to give a cue for Charles to say his name and he did as he stepped closer and briefly squeezed Moira's hand. She still seemed mad, but that soothed her a little.

Erik felt terribly like an intruder. It wasn't something that Charles did or anything, it just… Seemed like he was this weird cousin or brother who was there intruding on a family moment.

He watched as the doctor lifted Moira's shirt and threw a weird lotion in her stomach, then she placed one of her instruments on top of her belly and turned on the small tv - Erik should really get informed about what those things were.

She showed them where the baby was and Erik started getting closer to Charles to get a better look, and then they heard it.

'What is that?' Charles whispered and the doctor smiled 'That's your baby's heartbeat'.

-

Everything went silent for a little eternity, just listening to the small beating of the heart. Charles couldn't help it, but his eyes filled with tears. He felt Moira squeezing his hand and noticed what was missing in that perfect moment.

He turned around and took Erik's hand in his, kissing his palm. "It's beautiful, isn't it?", he whispered, Erik's hand still pressed against his lips.

Charles didn't care that Moira let go of his hand. He didn't care that the doctor was looking at them in a weird way. All he cared about, was that Erik was as happy as he was in that very moment.

One tear escaped his eye and he smiled happily at him.

-

"It's...breathtaking" Erik answered, his own heart beating wildly inside his chest. That was the purest sound he had ever heard.

Charles turned around again and Erik hugged him from behind, his arms going around the other man's waist, with Charles' hands resting on top of them. They both had a silly smile on their faces and Erik closed his eyes, his chin on Charles' shoulder, to listen to the sound more carefully.

"As you can see, the baby's legs and arms have already started to grow" the doctor broke the silence they were in "And now his organs are starting to form and develop" - "When will we know the sex?" Charles asked and Erik chuckled.

"Not for another two months at least" she answered and he nodded.

She turned off the small tv and turned the lights back on, her attention focused on Moira.

"How are you feeling?" she asked and then prescribed the vitamins she should take because the first trimester was the most critical one.

The three of them left the clinic and Erik gave Moira as small 'Goodbye' and a nod before walking towards the car, scared she would bite his head off if given the chance. He sat on the driver's sit and waited for Charles as he said his goodbye.

-

"Thank you for coming today, hu- Charles", Moira blushed about her slip and looked sad afterwards.

"Thank you for inviting us. I know it's hard, Moira. It hasn't been easy for me either-", Charles started. "Stop it. Let's not talk about it. I need to go now. Talk to you soon", Moira cut him off and hugged him quickly before going into another direction.

Charles watched her walk away for a while and then turned to join Erik in the car.

They drove back to the university and didn't talk on their way back, just sat in comfortable silence. Charles took Erik's free hand and squeezed it. They looked at each other and smiled.

-

On the third month of Moira's pregnancy, she had stopped feeling morning sickness, she didn't get dizzy anymore, and she had gained a little weight. Her baby bump wasn't big yet, but it was definitely there when they went to the doctor's appointment.

The doctor told them how the vital organs were already formed and that now the baby had a little hair, nails and even it's teeth were starting to form.

They were just leaving for the doctor's appointment now, and they were at the fourth month. Erik had made his research and he knew what to expect today.

Moira's belly should be bigger by now and she should be experiencing a lot of difficulties to get some sleep and other stuff. Their baby should be starting to move around, being even possible to feel it kick or something of the sort - It wasn't so common at that month, but it did happen. He also expected they would find out the sex. It all depended on the baby's position now.

He grinned happily at his boyfriend when they got inside the car. Going to the doctor's appointment was something he waited for the whole month, wanting to see their baby.

-

Charles mirrored Erik's happy grin on their way inside the waiting room. Erik had informed himself a lot during the last months and so did Charles. It all seemed less scary and more exciting now. Charles couldn't wait to find out the sex of the baby, knowing they could finally start building a room. They also planned on telling the students soon that there will be this baby and Charles would need more time for himself then.

They greeted Moira and went with doctor Sheila into another room. Moira lay down on the bed and pulled up her shirt. Only then Charles realised how round her belly already was. His heart skipped a beat at that sight and he stepped closer.

"Can I feel it?", he asked in a whisper and Moira smile at him and nodded.

He got even closer, until he was staying right in front of her and slowly raised an arm. He lowered his hand ever so gently on the belly and when it was connecting, he could feel something kicking it.

"Oh my god, did you…?", Moira asked, but Charles couldn't answer.

He was feeling her. Her presence.

Charles could feel his daughter's mind, ever so small but already there. He felt that she was gifted just like him.

"She feels beautiful", he whispered in a shaky voice, tears running down his face.

-

"She?" Erik asked getting closer and staring at Moira's belly. He didn't dare touch it even though his heart ached to do it.

"Yes" Charles nodded and Erik felt his cheeks getting wet too. A baby girl. A daddy's little girl.

The doctor was busy with her equipment and didn't see what had just happened there. When she turned around to see them, she smiled gently and waited until Charles finally pulled his hands away.

Erik pulled him immediately in an embrace and they watched as she did the same procedure and told them how the baby already had eyebrows and could close her hands. She showed them that the tip of her nose and her cheeks were already evident even through the ultrasound which made Charles sob harder on Erik's chest.

She said that sadly because of the baby's position they couldn't find out the sex until the next month, but that was okay, because they already knew.

-

Moira smiled happily at Charles as they stepped out of the door. "It was amazing how you connected with her. Maybe next month you will be able to feel her from further away", she said excited and Charles gave her an honest smile.

"I think so. She already developed a mind. No thoughts yet, of course. Just the pure being of a human existence that I could feel. She-", he stopped and looked from Moira to Erik and back. He wanted them both to listen when he said his next words.

"I could feel her mutation. She is gifted."

He smiled proudly, knowing that his daughter will do great in his school, once the time had come.

-

Erik smiled widely at that "That's amazing" he whispered barely believing his own ears. He was more excited about having a baby with each month that passed, and now knowing that it was a girl and that she had powers, that was just simply perfect.

Moira looked scared there for a second but then she shook her head and smiled too "I can't wait to see what she'll be able to do" she said and sounded honest. Erik smiled at her.

A week later he found himself in bed with Charles, being woken up by the annoying sound of his boyfriend's cellphone ringing. He poked the other man on the ribs but all he got was a groan as a response, and Charles turned to the other side to keep sleeping.

Erik sighed at that and got up to pick the cellphone from the other man's bedside table. It had been a full day on the school and he knew how tired Charles was, so he let him sleep.

When Erik picked the cellphone he saw it was three am and rolled his eyes at the name displayed on the screen.

"Hello Moira" he said when he picked up "Where's Charles?" She sounded in an awful mood and Erik grinded his teeth "He's asleep, what can I help you with?" - "I need him" - "I'm sorry Moira, but you'll have to settle for me" - "Fine. I want ice cream".

Erik could barely believe what he was hearing and had to leave their room to not wake Charles up in case he started yelling. "Can't you go get it yourself?" - "That's why I wanted to talk to Charles, you don't understand" - "I'm trying to" - "My feet are swollen, my back hurts, I'm horny to the point I can't even think straight, and all I'm asking for is a little ice cream, is that too much?" she almost screamed at the other side. God, pregnancy hormones were pure evil.

"Okay, I'm sorry, Moira. I don't understand what you're going through. Just tell me the flavour and I'll stop by your place, alright?".

She told him exactly what she wanted and added a few items on the list. Erik went inside the room and changed his clothes. Charles didn't move once in the bed and he left.

When he got to Moira's place he rang the bell and waited until she opened the door. Her face also looked swollen like she had been crying and Erik gave her the bags with a small smile.

"Will you come in?" she asked, sounding like she wanted company even though it was him, and he slipped inside. He texted Charles, knowing he would be up in around two hours to let him know he was okay and would be back soon, and settled on Moira's couch.

She sat next to him with the ice cream and a spoon, digging at it like her life depended on it and Erik watched. Her feet did look swollen and Erik felt bad for her. He couldn't imagine going through all those mood swings and body changes.

"Can I give you a foot rub?" he asked after a while, wanting to be friends with her. They did need to be nice towards each other with a baby on the way.

She looked unsure but then she nodded, still eating and Erik sat down on the floor in front of her, working on her feet. Moira hummed approvingly at the massage and when Erik was done she had eaten half the ice cream bowl and had her head thrown back on the couch, her eyes closed.

"I think I'll go now" he said getting up, but she stopped him "Wait!"

Erik looked at her, wondering what the hell she needed now, at almost five fucking am, but what she said next, melted him completely.

"Would you like to feel her?" she asked in a whisper and Erik felt all the air being pumped out of him.

He didn't dare answering, but sat down on the couch and reached out with his hand, placing it on Moira's belly. He caressed it and even felt a kick, which made Moira and him laugh together. He must have spent at least thirty minutes there, just feeling the baby bump.

When he finally pulled his hand away, she said "I still don't like you. But thanks" and Erik left after that.

-

When Charles woke up, he was alone and immediately started looking around for Erik. He reached out with his mind, looking for Erik's presence, but couldn't find him.

Charles sat straight up in his bed but then saw the phone on the nightstand. He picked it up quickly and saw the text from Erik, relaxing again.

Then he got up and started to get ready; showering, shaving, dressing up and brushing teeth.

He just arrived at his office, when he felt Erik's presence again.

'I don't want to sound like an old, jealous wife, but where have you been?', he asked with a grin on his face. 'You do sound like an old, jealous wife' was the answer he got and made him laugh.

'Meet me at my office', he answered and sat down on the chair.

Erik came in no two minutes later with a happy smile on his face.

"So?", Charles asked. "So what?" - "Don't do this Erik. What were you doing?", he laughed and Erik chuckled.

"Why don't you read my mind, professor?" And so Charles did. Seeing what Erik had been doing the last two hours and his smile growing.

"Thank you. And you felt her. It's beautiful, isn't it?"

-

"It really is, I can't even describe how it feels" he answered with a smile and then yawned. "I guess we have to get used to crazy schedules now don't we?" he asked going to Charles' direction and then sitting on his lap, his arms going around the other man's neck.

"Yeah, we're going to lose so many nights of sleep" - "Not that we haven't lost a fair share for other reasons" Erik said grinning and Charles rolled his eyes "You're impossible" - "And yet here we are, me and my old, jealous wife" he smiled and got slapped on the small of his back.

"Go take a nap" Charles said "Can't. I have a morning full of classes" Erik answered resting his head on Charles' shoulder, nuzzling his neck and breathing deep his smell.

"We should turn your room into a nursery" Erik said after a minute "You don't use there anymore and I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping where you conceived our girl so… Maybe we could turn it into her room?" - "I was thinking the same" Charles answered and Erik felt his smile against his skin.

"We need to make a princess room" Erik said "Yes, with pink walls and dolls everywhere! And we could actually buy her princess dresses, how cute would it be?" - "So cute. And when she's old enough we can let her decide what she wants in her room. She may not like princess or other girly things" - "Yeah, that's perfect. I'm so excited, can we go out and start buying stuff this weekend?" - "Yes of course! I can't wait to paint the walls with you" Erik said smiling at such a domestic task. He wanted to share it all with Charles.

-

"Me neither", Charles smiled and chased Erik's lips with his. "Only four months left. Can you believe this?", he then asked once they parted again.

"No. This is all going so fast", Erik answered and Charles nodded in agreement.

He stroke Erik's back and kissed his jawline, breathing in the soothing scent of his cologne, mixed with just Erik.

"You need to drive, once Moira went into labour okay? I would probably be too nervous", Charles said and Erik looked up.

"You want me to be there when..?", he asked full of wonder and disbelief. "Of course I do. Erik, did you really think, you wouldn't be there when our daughter is born?"

-

Erik leaned in and pressed a kiss on Charles' lips, too happy to even put his feelings into words.

'I'll drive then' he said smiling openly and caressed Charles' hair, a soft grin on the other man's face.

The bell rang and Erik sighed not wanting to leave the warmth and comfort of his boyfriend's arms. He kissed him sweetly again and got up 'See you later, love' he said before leaving the office and going to teach the first class of the day.

Charles' joke about being Erik's old, jealous wife had stuck with him all the morning, and he couldn't shake the stupid thought of a proposal out of his mind. He didn't know if he should do it or when he should do it now that they had a baby coming. Maybe it was too much?

He spotted Jean as he was walking to have lunch and called out for her.

'Hey, Erik! How are you?' - 'I'm great. How about you?' - 'I'm alright. How are classes going?' - 'Pretty good, thanks. I actually need your help with something' he said biting his bottom lip, a habit he had picked up from Charles.

'Yes?' - 'I was wondering if you could talk to Charles for me? He would read my mind in a second if I tried to and I kind of wanted to find out if… I wanted to ask him… I'm not sure and I-' she started giggling and Erik shut his babbling.

'You are right. He would have picked that up rather quickly. That's very sweet, Erik. You got it! I'll try to find out how he feels about marriage.' - 'Thank you! Thank you so much! Please, be discreet' she rolled her eyes at him and turned around with a smile.

Erik felt nervousness creeping at his stomach and skipped lunch being too excited to eat.


	17. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I changed the line that separates each point of view, but it's almost the same! I hope it won't cause any problems!

Charles felt her, before Jean even stepped into this office and turned towards, leaving the window. He gave her a smile as she stepped closer to his desk.

"Jean. What can I do for you?", he asked and sat down on the chair behind his desk.

She took the seat across from him, crossing her legs comfortably. Jean had always been one of the few mutants, Charles couldn't read if she didn't let him. Her power was extraordinary - something, Charles had never seen before.

"I was wondering if you have a minute to talk about some personal issues", she smiled, her expression and mind unreadable.

"Of course, for you always", Charles answered honestly and looked at her puzzled. "What's wrong?"

"I think, Scott will propose to me soon", she blurted out and blushed slightly. "I don't know if I'm ready."

"Oh? But why? You two are together for such a long time", he said with a reassuring smile. "And you go so well together." Charles put his elbows on the desk and folded his hands to put them underneath his chin, steadying it as he looked at Jean.

"It's not about our relationship. It's the whole marriage thing. Some people are just not made for it", she answered and sighed a bit. "What do you think about marriage?"

Charles was a bit taken back by the question. He never really thought about marriage in a serious matter. Moira and him were together for the long term, of course. But it was too early for him to thinking about such bounding - luckily. Ten years ago, yes, he had thought about marrying Erik - quite a foolish thought, but he loved him. Now? He would still marry him, but his mind was somewhere else right now.

"I think, it' a wonderful way of sharing something very intimate with a partner. Showing, that you will always be there for one another", he finally answered, choosing his words very carefully.

"Yeah, but Charles, would you marry Erik for example?" - "You can't base your decisions on how I'd do it", he said with a frown.

"Of course not, but we are very much alike, Charles." Jean seemed eager to get the answer out of him, even though he didn't know it himself yet. "I would. Of course, I would, but I have other things in mind right now, Jean. Also, for me and Erik it's quite new, so you can't compare that to Scott's and your relationship." - "I know."  
Jean got up and gave him a small smile. "Thank you, professor. I think, I know my answer now." Charles nodded, a bit confused but happy he could help.

Jean said goodbye and left his office rather quickly afterwards.

* * *

"Oh" was all Erik could say when Jean reported back. He stared at her with expressionless eyes and then his gaze fell to the ground feeling embarrassed.

"He would say yes" she repeated "But it just seems… that he didn't even think about it yet, like it's too soon" she said gently and reached out to put a hand on his arm- which made him even more embarrassed. "Stop that, Erik. His answer was a good one, it's not like you were planning to propose now, is it?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"No, but… I thought maybe in two months? It's still too early of course, but when will it become too late? I… Thank you, Jean. I'm sorry I put you in that position, I guess I just wasn't thinking."

She looked at him and he thought 'Get out of my head', which she did. "Really, thank you" he said again before turning around.

Erik sat at a bench in the garden, enjoying the fact he was by himself now while the kids ate lunch. He had a free period now and it would do him some good to take some time to think.

He had thought about proposals and families four months ago. Before they knew Moira was pregnant. And in the day she called he had said such thing to Charles, his answer was still glued to Erik's mind 'But we're at the beginning of our relationship, so I didn't even start to think about children yet' .

He guessed he hadn't healed from it properly yet, having been caught up on all the pregnancy haze. It had made him sad that Charles wasn't thinking about a future life for them together back then, but now it just made him… he didn't really know how it made him feel.

He was still such a fool for thinking stuff like that so early, but he thought that now… Well, they were having a baby together. It just felt like the proper time to tie the knot.

But clearly it wasn't. He dropped all the ideas about it right then. He wasn't good with timing, it seemed, so he would let Charles do it. He could either propose or hint he wanted it when he was ready. Even if he never was, then Erik would just have to deal with it.

When was it enough to actually talk about the subject with the other man? Two years, three? Fuck, they had five months together and he was already thinking about it. Would it really take so long for Charles to consider the matter?

He shook his head not wanting to think about it for now. He could wait. He would wait. Until Charles took the first step, that is.

* * *

That night, Erik was rather closed off when they were both lying in bed. Charles wondered what happened, but didn't want to intrude his privacy by looking into Erik's mind.

Charles turned towards Erik, who was looking at the ceiling. He steadied his head with one arm and ran the other over Erik's chest.

"What's wrong, love?", he asked and kissed Erik's jawline. "You are so far away."

Erik turned his head to look at him and gave him a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Everything is fine."

Charles knew it was a lie, but he didn't want to push the subject. Erik would open up to him eventually, 'cause he now knew how much it can hurt them if he didn't.

He scooted closer and let his hand travel downwards, brushing Erik's nipples slightly. His kisses wandered from Erik's jawline to his neck and then his shoulder, before he sucked in his earlobe.

"You seem so tense. I think, you need to relax", he whispered in Erik's ear with a low voice and then got up from his position, to kneel between Erik's legs. His hands searching for the hem of his pants to pull them down.

* * *

Erik closed his eyes, trying his best to banish all the thoughts that were running through his mind, wanting to focus only on Charles.

He was startled by his own feelings, never had he been insecure or in so much need to be taken care of, to be loved like he was right now. Charles had always made him feel all sorts of things he was not used to feel, and this time it was no different.

He felt his boyfriend pulling his pants down and he arched off the mattress to help him do it. Charles placed small kisses on his thigh, caressing his body with warm hands and a teasing tongue.

Erik moaned in a low tone, his eyes still closed. He couldn't think, not right now. Charles would certainly hear him since Erik tended to project during their intimate encounters. But keeping it all inside was difficult and when he felt Charles' hand curling around his bulge and palming him through his underwear, he lifted his head up to look at him and asked "Why do you love me?" in a raspy voice.

He didn't doubt, he just needed to hear it. He needed to believe it because at that moment he felt so incredibly vulnerable. He just wanted Charles to take care of him.

* * *

Charles was a bit startled by the question and looked up from his position, meeting Erik's insecure eyes. What was wrong with him?  
"Why do you ask?", he said, his tone soft and curious, and Charles let go of Erik's crotch. He sat up straight and looked at his boyfriend with as much love in his eyes as he was feeling.

"Just tell me, please", Erik begged and Charles knew he needed to hear those words now, even though he didn't know why.

"I love you, because you are just… you", he started and laid down next to Erik again, snuggling up closer to him. "You are kind, Erik. The way you always want to make everything right for me and everyone else. You put the luck of others before yours."

Charles hand was caressing Erik's soft hair and he heard him humming approvingly. Then Charles continued as he saw Erik relaxing with his words. "I love your smile and your sense of humor. I love your wrinkles and your soft skin", he kissed Erik's shoulder once again and breathed in his scent. "And I love how you smell."

Erik chuckled a little and looked at Charles. "I love you, because we can talk for hours and never get bored. We are always on the same page, even though it doesn't always seem like it. I really do think we always want the same thing, even if it's subconsciously." Charles hand was wandering towards Erik's cock again, feeling every inch of muscle and bones on its way.

"You will be an awesome father for our child and you always help me believe in myself. You are selfless, kind, funny and you love me so much as I do, Erik", he finished and kissed Erik gently.

* * *

Erik let himself believe those kind words pouring out of Charles' mouth, ignoring the little voice inside his head saying that no, they were not on the same page right now.

He kissed his boyfriend back with all devotion and love he could, thankful for what he had just said, and how honest he had sounded. He ran his hands through Charles' hair and tugged at his arm afterwards, trying to pull the other man on top of him.

They kissed slowly - almost lazily - with Charles' hand between their bodies, still caressing Erik's skin and making him shiver.

He pulled away from the kiss and whispered "Thank you. You're my whole world" with his eyes still closed.

He felt Charles putting his hand inside his underwear and grab his cock, them both moaning when he did. It caused goosebumps all over Erik's body that Charles would moan only touching him, like it was the best thing he could be doing at that moment, and it made him harder to hear that beautiful sound.

Charles was stroking him teasingly slow, his teeth nibbling on his bottom lip and Erik letting out small sounds of pure pleasure, God, he could do this forever. His hands were running up and down the other man's side, and sneaking underneath his shirt so he could use his nails on that silky skin he loved so much. He felt Charles' back arching and him shivering.

All hairs from Erik's body were standing up, prepared for the immense pleasure that was overwhelming him.

He moaned, his hips buckling up trying to create more friction, trying to make it faster. "Need you" he said hoarsely, his lips catching Charles' in a breathtaking kiss.

* * *

They made out passionately, tongues curling around each other and both man panting into the kiss. Their hips collide in a steady rhythm, hands all over each other's bodies.

Charles wanted nothing more than to sleep with Erik, but he wanted to show Erik how much he is loved, so he started undressing him slowly, kissing every inch of his body. Erik shivered underneath Charles' lips and arched his back off the mattress, when Charles sucked on his hipbone.

He buried his nose into his pubic hair and started kissing Erik's hardening dick, tongue running up and down his length. Erik moaned and Charles could see that he started leaking from the tip of his dick. He groaned low and put the tip of his cock into his mouth, letting his tongue run around it and taste Erik. Charles hummed, making Erik moan again and started going lower, until he swallowed down his whole length. He let his tongue run around this velvet skin of Erik's cock and hollow his cheek, sucking on his gently.

* * *

"Hmmmhhmhgh… Charles.." he moaned, his hips buckling up slightly, not wanting to hurt the other man who was being so incredibly gentle and sweet.

Charles giving head was the most amazing sight in the world, and Erik couldn't get tired of it, so he observed, the vision making him even harder, his cock leaking pre-come inside his boyfriend's mouth.

He watched as Charles' beautiful red lips stretched around his dick, going all the way down and back up again, Charles' eyes fluttering shut with the movement, a expression of pleasure on his face, as he hummed and sucked on the head.

Erik's hands were curling on the bed sheets, his back arching and tears of sheer pleasure filling his eyes. "Charles I… hmmhm… you need to stop, love, or I'm going to come right now" he warned, not wanting it to be over.

It had been short, but so intense, all the feelings inside him overwhelming his body, making him hyper aware of everything. Charles' velvety mouth pulled away from him with a small popping sound and he let out a breath. "I need you inside me" he pleaded looking his boyfriend's in the eyes while he pulled him upwards and kissed his lips.

He lifted his hips from the bed and brushed their erections together, feeling how hard Charles was and moaning "God, I want you so bad" he mouthed, rocking his hips and grabbing his boyfriend's ass, bringing him down.

* * *

Charles moaned into the kiss as their dicks collided and he felt pure desire towards the other man. He had actually just wanted to make his boyfriend feel good; how did this escalate so quickly?

He didn't care at that moment, opening the drawing and taking out the lube. Their bruised, red lips met again in a hungry kiss, teeth colliding and tongues fighting. Charles knew, that Erik was able to taste himself right then.

He opened the lube and put some of it on his hand in a practiced movement, before he reached towards Erik's entrance. They rolled onto their sides, body fronts pressed against each other and Charles arm resting over Erik's hip. He buckled his hips up slightly, brushing their dicks against each other, as he pushed inside Erik's tight hole. He saw Erik's lips parting and his pupils widening in lust and pleasure. Charles couldn't help but nibble on Erik's plush bottom lip, as it was basically begging for contact.

He stretched Erik under moans and sweet kisses along his jawline and neck, their dicks always searching for friction on one another.

"Hmnh Charles, I'm ready..", Erik moaned, lips on Charles skin, making him shiver at the contact.

Charles removed his hands and pushed Erik on his back once again, climbing on top of him. He kisses every inch of Erik's upper body, making the other man moan and hiss in anticipation, while he placed himself in front of his hole.

He finally met Erik in a passionate kiss, as he slowly pressed inside the hot, tight entrance. Charles let out a deep moan, the friction almost too overwhelming. He only stopped when he was fully inside of Erik, opening his eyes to meet Erik's lustful gaze.

"Why do you love me?", he whispered against Erik's lips, as he started rocking his hips back and forth.

* * *

Erik moaned loudly, doing his best not to screw his eyes shut at the intrusion. Charles felt so good inside of him, his hips moving in a teasing rhythm, slowly driving Erik out of his mind.

He opened his mouth to answer his boyfriend's question, reflecting on how unfair it was of him to ask that question right now. He couldn't focus properly.

"I... hmmmh… I love you because… God, Charles" he tightened his grip on Charles, arms, his nails digging on the other man's skin. "Because… You love the little things I do for you, like they were big… hmmh yes, there… You're generous, thoughtful, tender, intelligent, passionate… faster, please" he begged, his eyes falling shut and his head burying on the pillow.

Charles listened to his request and started going faster, both his hands on each side of Erik's head, their foreheads almost touching.

"I love our life together. The way you look when you're asleep. Your strength. Your courage, your confidence. Your laugh, your body, your competitiveness" he had opened his eyes by now, and was staring right into Charles' soul. He stopped talking, their bodies meeting each other and the sound of them colliding filling the room.

Erik put his legs around Charles' waist and catched his lips in a bruising kiss, whispering "Harder" afterwards.

Charles was pounding inside of him, making his blood boil and his skin shiver with every movement, when Erik continued talking "I love that you're ticklish right here" he said putting his fingers on the back of Charles' neck to point exactly where "I love you for who you are, I love you for the way you see me".

He couldn't say anything else beyond that point, Charles' movements were hurried and delirious, Erik meeting his thrusts as much as he could and moaning loud. Charles was hitting his prostate every time he went back inside and Erik bit his shoulder before they moved.

Charles straightened his back, Erik's both legs going to his shoulder. He threw his head back, his lips parted and incoherent words pouring out of them. Erik reached out for his own cock and started touching himself, his toes curling with the pleasure, as he watched Charles' focused expression.

* * *

Hearing those words was pure pleasure for Charles, encouraging him to go fast with every thrust. He wanted to answer Erik, wanted to thank him - but he was sure, if he would open his mouth now, only nonsense would slip out of it.

He wanted to see Erik come apart underneath him, scream his name and shake his body when his orgasm would hit him. He wanted to watch Erik's expression, pupils blown and mouth open, everything going tense and then relax from one second to another.

Just imagining all those things made Charles almost come inside Erik, but he was trying to hold back. He wanted to see Erik come first, wanting to feel him clenching his hole around Charles' cock.

He bend down, that he was so close to Erik's face, both breathing the same air.

His lips brushed against Erik's as he whispered "come for me, love" with a low and raspy voice.

* * *

The words hit him hard, taking him to the edge, his orgasm lifting his back off the bed. His legs were being pushed hard by Charles who had his lips close to his, and he couldn't care less.

His hand worked fast, his cum spreading over his belly and Charles' chest. He screamed the other man's name, his eyes closing with the force of his release, goosebumps all over his body, toes curling and hole clutching tight around Charles' cock.

"Fuck" he let out, the waves of pleasure still going through his body, all his muscles stiff.

Charles kept pounding inside of him, he didn't have any rhythm in his thrusts now, and when Erik opened his eyes, he saw how clouded Charles' own eyes looked, the blue barely visible with all the lust "I want you to come inside of me, I want you to fill me up" Erik said with a hoarse voice.

He was unable to catch Charles in a kiss because of their position, his leg painfully stretched like that, but he pulled at the other man's hair and clenched his hole, his hips moving to meet his thrusts, until Charles suddenly stopped, his eyes shut and mouth hanging open, moans escaping his lips.

Charles' cum filled Erik like he had asked, the feeling like no other and he moaned with him, loving every second of it. When Charles finished and opened his eyes, they smiled at each other, and Erik gently pushed him away, his legs starting to cramp from being on the other man's shoulder while he had leaned down so much.

They lay next to each other, sweaty skin and dirty sheets, their breaths ragged and shallow, until Erik turned to Charles and pulled him close "Thank you" he whispered feeling a lot better and forgetting for now how he had been upset earlier. He nuzzled the other man's neck and kissed him there with a small smile.

* * *

Charles was smiling too, even though he still wondered why the other man had acted strange earlier. He wanted to push the manner and ask him again, wanted to read Erik's mind, but he didn't.

"No problem. Thank you for telling me all those things. And if you ever want to talk about it, you know I'll listen.", Charles answered and stroked Erik's back.

"Yes", Erik said after hesitating for a brief moment.

They fell asleep rather quickly afterwards, cuddling close together.


	18. Changes

On the weekend they got to buy the paint and furniture to redecorate Charles' old room. Erik and Jean helped moving the things into the room quickly. Before they even started moving the furniture around and paint the walls, Charles made them see how the room would look like. They moved the things arounds and changed color within the image, Charles had produced on their minds, until they all agreed.

"Let's start working then", Charles said, clapping his hands together and looked around the empty room.

* * *

They worked there for the whole morning painting the walls.

At lunch time Erik went down to the kitchen and brought back to the room sandwiches. He took a look at them three and started laughing, he had started a brush fight with Charles and they both quickly got together against Jean. Now, all three of them were covered in pink and sweat. Charles looked adorable, though and Erik winked at him while they ate.

He hadn't told Charles why he had been so upset the other day and didn't plan to. He would forget that idea for the time being.

When night came they were all tired, but the room was painted and it looked adorable, so they felt completely happy.

The process of making the room perfect was slow and took them three whole months to get it ready.

Charles was standing in the middle of it with a silly smile on his face, and Erik came behind him passing his arms around his shoulders, his chin resting on the top of the other man's head.

The crib was placed against the pink wall, with small fairies hanging from the ceiling. Inside it, rested the onesie he had bought seven months ago and he smiled. Everything was perfect.

He still had that small voice inside his head, that reminded him Charles was not eager to marry him yet, but he brushed it off. Nine months they had been dating again, and even though it felt like a lifetime to him, it was still too soon.

Their baby was going to be born the next month and they hadn't picked a name yet, because Moira wouldn't accept any of his ideas, and they didn't like any of hers. Charles was caught between them both and Erik felt a little bad. He had a name in mind though, and he didn't plan for Moira to know it was his idea.

He kissed Charles' temple and whispered 'What about Grace?'

* * *

Charles turned around in Erik's embrace and looked at him happily. Grace was such a good name, he was already in love with it.

"I love it. I can suggest it to Moira if you want? I am sure she will love it", he smiled and kissed Erik gently. His arms swung around Erik's neck and he let go of his lips just to let Erik answer.

"I love the name too. It would be nice if you could suggest it." They kissed again and then Charles grabbed his cellphone to text Moira.

[Charles Xavier]

I was thinking about the name Grace. Do you like it?

They didn't need to wait long for an answer.

[Moira MacTaggert]

I love it. Grace Xavier. :)

Charles heart filled with warmth as he read the name. They had decided for his last name a bit earlier, since Moira had always loved Charles' last name.

Charles smiled happily at Erik.

"Grace Xavier", he whispered, tasting the name on his tongue.

* * *

Erik was asleep when Charles' phone started to ring once again. He groaned annoyed at it. It was something he was already used to by now; Moira calling in the middle of the fucking night to ask for ice cream, or chocolate, or just to hear Charles' voice. It made him jealous when she did the last one, but she would always scream something like "You did this to me, Xavier" and they would both cringe at her yells.

Erik knew now that Moira was actually really nice, but the pregnancy was definitely messing with her moods. They never ignored one of her calls, and one of them would always rush out in the middle of the night to buy her whatever she needed, or to check if there was an intruder at her house.

He didn't bother poking Charles this time, knowing it wouldn't wake him up. They had done it twice before going to bed, and were both beaten. Charles was a heavy sleeper so nothing would wake him up at that point.

Erik got up and picked the cell phone, answering it "Hello?" - "Erik" she said. She didn't sound demanding or irritated like always, in fact, she sounded scared "Is everything okay, Moira?" - "I'm having the baby" - "What?" - "My water broke, please hurry" she said her voice shaking and Erik's heart started beating wildly "We're coming" he said.

He desperately shook his boyfriend and called "Charles, wake up love, wake up!" - "Hmm… tired" - "I know, I'm tired too, but Charles!" - "No…" - "Grace is coming, love. Moira is giving birth".

At those words, Charles sat up in bed immediately and looked at him with huge wide eyes "Why didn't you say so?" he almost yelled, getting out of bed and starting to change his clothes.

Erik followed his lead, putting on a turtleneck and his leather jacket. Charles left the room running, wearing only a thin t-shirt and Erik picked a warm sweater for him, following behind.

Charles was already pacing in front of the car "Hurry up!" he demanded and Erik ran the last steps. When he got closer to him, he pulled Charles to his chest and hugged him tight. "We're having a baby" he said, his voice full of emotion, and the other man melted a little, hugging him back "We're having a baby" Charles mirrored.

* * *

Everything flashed in front of Charles eyes, like he was watching what's happening from another angle. At the same time, he felt like everything was happening in slow motion and it needed to hurry up.

Erik was driving fast but responsible to Moira's apartment and they quickly got out of the car and into the flat. Moira was sitting on the couch with a packed backpack, breathing fast.

"Moira!", Charles exclaimed and sprinted to her. He helped her up and put one arm around her.

"Please bring me to the hospital as fast as you can. I don't feel any pain yet, but I wanna be in hospital when it starts", she said as they started walking towards the door. Erik took the backpack and helped Charles steadying Moira a little.

They got to the hospital no fifteen minutes after and nurses quickly helped them out. They put Moira on a bed and put some pipes and other things into to see her and the baby's vital health.

Charles just looked at Erik, the fear about fatherhood suddenly back again.

"She's coming earlier than we thought", he breathed out, hoping that everything was fine with Grace. He could still feel her presence and knew she was fine for now. Still, he was worried.

* * *

Erik pulled Charles closer again, and kissed his forehead "Breathe" he said and caressed the other man's back.

"We prepared as much as we could. Don't be nervous, ok? This is what we've been waiting for. To see Grace. And see her beautiful blue eyes and small cherry red lips. To see her freckles just like her father's and her messy brown hair." - "I know" Charles said breathing deep.

A nurse came out of the room Moira was in and said "It's time". Charles stood still eyeing her and Erik pushed him gently towards the room "Go on" he said softly "Aren't you coming in?" Charles asked.

"Only one person is allowed" the nurse said before going in again.

"I… I can't do this without you" - "I'm right here, my love. Besides, Moira wouldn't appreciate me being there at such moment. I'm right here. And you can take me to see our baby afterwards, alright?" - "Okay" Charles said a little unsure.

After a minute looking at each other's eyes, Charles must have found the reassurance he needed because he nodded and turned around, going inside.

Erik was lead to the waiting room and sat there, his hands shaking and heart beating fast.

* * *

Moira was already whining when Charles got there. Sweat was on her forehead and her hands were digging into the mattress. Charles heart sank and he wished for nothing more than Erik to be here now.

"Charles", she breathed out and held her hand towards him, begging for him to take it.

He quickly stepped closer and wrapped his fingers around Moira's hand, feeling her squeezing it painfully.

"It just started", she hissed and Charles licked his dry lips, nodding frantically. He was so nervous.

A nurse came and gave Moira a painkiller that made her relax after ten minutes. She told them that it could take up to 2-6 more hours until the baby would arrive. Charles tried soothing Moira afterwards, running his hand through her sweaty hair and giving her nice thoughts.

Four and a half hours later, doctors and nurses finally started surrounding them and told Moira it's time to press. She was crying and screaming, begging for it to stop. Her fingers clenched around Charles' hand, but he didn't say anything.

"I can't!", she said, falling back into the pillow. "Yes you can! I can already see the head. Just a little more", the nurse encouraged.

Charles smiled at her and said in her mind 'You are the strongest woman I know. You can do this. I believe in you. Grace wants to meet you'.

Moira gave him a weak smile and gathered all her strength to press one more time. The nurses got Grace finally and put her into a towel.

Charles eyes were glued to the small bundle in the nurse's hand, his heart beating fast. They quickly took her to ran some tests and then they were finally handing her over to Moira.

"I will tell your friend that he can come in now", the nurse said and disappeared.

Moira and Charles were just staring at the small human being in her arms. The small hands and tiny nose.

She started crying, but still looked adorable.

"Shhshh… do you want to be held by your father, hm?", Moira asked and looked at Charles. He smiled a bit nervous and scared, but picked her up from Moira's arms carefully.

Her eyes were closed and arms roaming in the air, her weight being next to nothing. She was beautiful.

"Hello, Grace", Charles whispered and put his hand on her head, soothing her immediately with his powers. She stopped crying, her tiny hand finding Charles' finger and wrapped around it.

That's when a tears escaped his eyes. "You are so perfect."

* * *

It had been a little more than five hours since he left Charles and went to the waiting room. He was pacing around now, not being able to stand still for another second. He knew births could take hours, but still, he couldn't stop being nervous.

When the familiar nurse finally appeared he rushed to her "Is everything okay?" - "Yes, everything is fine. Their baby was just born, would you like to come see her?" - "Yes" he whispered solemnly and was guided back to the room they were in.

When she opened the door, Erik stopped dead there, taking in the scene in front of him. Moira looked exhausted lying in bed, her eyes closed. Charles was standing next to her, holding a small bundle in his arms, a tear streaming down his face.

Charles looked up at him and smiled, taking the air out of Erik's lungs. "There's someone you need to meet, Grace" he said in a low tone. "Come here, Erik" he called.

It took him a minute to control his legs again, but he finally moved, putting down Moira's bag and his boyfriend's sweater, going to stand right next to Charles. He peeked at the baby in his arms, and his boyfriend adjusted the position so he could see her better. And then, Erik fell in love.

Her tiny little hand was holding Charles' finger and her face looked peaceful. Erik thanked the Gods she most definitely did not have Moira's nose, and her mouth was a perfect little copy of Charles'. She was a mix of Moira and Charles, but the features from his boyfriend were slightly stronger.

"She's gorgeous" Erik said, his voice barely above a whisper, scared he would break something if he spoke louder. Charles' smile widened - which was a hard feature - and he said "I know". He was looking at her so lovingly that Erik's heart got twice as big inside his chest and he felt tears falling from his eyes too. He kissed Charles' forehead and half hugged him.

"Do you want to hold her?" he asked and Erik felt his heart skip a beat. She was just so small, how could he even hold her?

Charles was already putting her in his arms though, so he didn't have time to voice his concerns. When she was settled, Erik's entire body was tense and he felt completely nervous. It all vanished in a second when she opened her eyes and he got to see a shade of blue there. He knew baby's eyes changed their colors until they settled, but Grace definitely had blue eyes.

"Hello, Süße" Erik said sweetly. "What does it mean?" Charles asked, his hand caressing Grace's hair "Cute one" he answered simply.

Moira watched them with narrowed eyes, that softened when she looked at Grace "Can I hold her now?" she asked reaching out with her arms and Erik nodded with a small smile.

He gave Grace to her and placed his arm around Charles' waist. The nurse appeared again after a few minutes telling Moira it was time to breastfeed. Both Charles and Erik didn't want to watch that, so they quietly left the room.

* * *

Once the realisation that he just became a father hit Charles, his legs started shaking and practically fell on the chair. Erik sat down next to him and took his hands, squeezing it slightly. Charles' other hand was still red from Moira's hand, but it was the least of his worries right now.

Charles looked at Erik with a weak smile.

"I'm a father", he whispered and Erik chuckled. "Yes you are." Charles turned his hand around to intertwine their fingers and moved Erik's hand to his lips. He kissed it softly, gaze not leaving Erik's eyes.

"I love you", he whispered against Erik's skin. "I love you so much. We're a family now, Erik."

Saying this out loud, made his heart fill with warmth and excitement. They were a family.

* * *

"I love you too, Charles" Erik answered his voice thick with emotion. They sat there for a moment, both lost in thought.

Charles' arms were feeling cold and Erik picked the sweater for him, making him put it on. "Thanks" Charles said with a smile and Erik kissed the corner of his mouth.

They were both eager to see Grace again, and when the nurse left the room an hour later they got up and went back there, holding hands.

"They are going to take her to the nursery" Moira said, her eyes filled with tears "They said I need to rest".

Charles ran to her side to take a look at his baby girl and then he told her "You do need to rest, you did a great job today. They'll bring her back once you wake up".

Moira looked convinced after hearing Charles' words and she let him pick her up. He immediately came closer to Erik and they just stared at Grace, saying small sweet words, until the nurse came back to pick her up.

"One of you can stay here" the nurse said, "Keep company to mommy" before leaving.

"Will you stay, Charles?" Moira asked, her eyes dropping close for longer each time. Charles looked at Erik like he didn't know what to do and Erik sighed.

He pulled him closer and kissed his cheek "I'll bring something for you to eat, and then I'll go home" he said deciding for them both.

* * *

"Okay. Drive save, Erik. And thank you", Charles said, kissing him gently.

Erik then left and Charles accompanied Moira whilst she was sleeping almost the whole time, until he finally fell asleep too. Exhausted and drained from the night and early morning.

Three weeks later, Charles and Erik found themselves ahead of a whole day with Grace. They had discussed with Moira, that it would be for the best if they start watching over her a few days in the week. Then they could go further and take her for the weekend, to settle with her. They also needed to get her used to the different room and milk.

This was their first days with Grace. Of course, they had seen her before, but she was always with Moira. But now, Moira was only knocking on Charles' office door and got inside.

"Here she is", she smiled, looking exhausted and tired.

Charles immediately got up and took Grace from Moira gently. "Hey sweety", he smiled at his daughter.

Some students were peeking from outside the room through the door, wanting to see the professor's newborn. Charles couldn't care less.

"Erik, come and say hello!'

* * *

Erik got up from the couch in a heartbeat and put his hand on Grace's cheek "Hi, baby" he said gently, stroking her skin with his thumb "She looks bigger each time we see her" he looked at Moira smiling.

She nodded with a small grin on her face and started talking "I need to go now, but everything you need is in here" she said giving a heavy bag to Erik. "Diapers, tissues, clothes, bath products… I wrote down when she takes her naps and when she eats. It might be difficult to get her to accept the bottle, but she needs to eat, so insist no matter how much she cries. Don't call me if it's not an emergency, ok? I need to sleep."

Moira did look tired and Erik had a feeling this was not going to be an easy day. Still, he was more excited than ever.

She said goodbye and left them there in the office. Charles was holding Grace in his arms and rocking her around the room, humming softly and staring at her "You're drooling" Erik said "Can you blame me?" - "Not at all".

They went to Grace's room, all the students looking with curious eyes when they passed - Erik feeling slightly ridiculous holding a baby's pink bag - and some of them even asked Charles if they could see her.

They had stopped many times in the way, but Grace had been quiet and sweet, not being bothered at all with all the different people cooing at her.

When they got to the room, Erik held her while Charles started preparing the crib to put her down when needed. He held her close to his chest, in a standing position and smelled her hair, the baby scent making him sigh. She was so adorable.

Grace was playing with her spit, making Erik's shirt wet at his shoulder, but he didn't really mind. Charles came behind him to take a look at her and started talking with a baby voice "Hi my little girl. You look so cute today, I want to squeeze that cheek of yours- Oh my God! Did you see that, Erik? She just smiled at me!".

Charles started getting all worked up because Grace had just smiled at him, and Erik laughed. For a professor who had studied human and mutant evolution, Charles surely knew that babies at that age had basically water inside their heads, and that her 'smile' was just a spasm. But he seemed to forget that completely, melted by the fact that Grace was the cutest human being on earth.

* * *

"Look, Erik! She is falling asleep", Charles smiled widely, his heart feeling so warm around his chest. He felt like all air was pumped out of him, when he was looking at the small human being in Erik's arms.

"We should put her down then", Erik answered and Charles agreed.

Erik carefully stepped closer to the crib and put her down to sleep, while Charles wrapped a blanket around her tiny body. Once both man let go of her, Charles wrapped his hands around Erik's waist and kissed him happily.

"This right here is so perfect. I don't need anything else", he said and put his head on Erik's shoulder. Both man looking at Grace in her crib, sleeping peacefully.

* * *

Erik felt his heart clenching at Charles' words. This was everything the other man needed. But God, Erik needed more. He needed promises of forever, he needed a ring, he needed a marriage.

He needed to call Charles his husband and yell on top of his lungs that they were married to each other.

But this, right here, was all Charles needed.

He sighed and hummed in agreement so the other man wouldn't feel ignored.

'There's a student looking for me' Charles said after a while and let go of Erik reluctantly. 'I'll stay with her' he offered promptly and got closer to the crib, watching Grace's peaceful face.

Charles kissed his cheek and then left the room to find the student. Erik sat down in one of the cream colored chairs and closed his eyes for a second, letting his heart sink to the ground now that Charles wasn't there to see it.

He didn't see when Jean slipped inside the room, startling him when she cleared her throat. 'Is everything ok?' - 'Yeah, fine' - 'Really?' she asked making her focused face right afterwards 'Do not read my mind!' he protested, but it was too late.

'Oh, Erik!' She exclaimed sitting on the matching chair next to him and holding his hand.

He wasn't even mad at her, he kind of wanted to have someone to talk about this. 'I know it's stupid' he said with a small voice.

Jean hesitated there for a second and if Erik had payed enough attention, he would have noticed it was the kind of hesitation done right before making up a lie on the spot, a hesitation to buy some time. But he was too busy staring at Grace to see that.

'I've been talking to him about it, you know' she started, making Erik turn at her immediately 'And he does want it. He told me himself that he thinks it's time for you to get married, so you can become a proper father for Grace. So you can be a family. It's all that's missing for him now.'

'He said that?' - 'Yes. He very much wants to marry you' she answered with a small smile and Erik's whole world changed.


	19. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is the last chapter of the story yeeey! thanks for keeping up so far!
> 
> My friend and I wrote a few time stamps after this and were wondering if you wanted us to post? It's just a few more scenes of them and what followed! Let us know in the comments and we'll post it if you want :D

Charles came back a bit later, students and teachers kept him from joining Erik earlier. As soon as he finished telling a student how to focus on something, he finally rushed off into the room with Erik.

"Hey. How is she?", he said in a whisper, not wanting to wake her up.

Erik turned around and smiled, glowing widely. Charles wondered why, but guessed it was the effect Grace had on people.

"She just woke up. We need to feed her", Erik answered and Charles got closer. "I was about to call you."

"Thank you", Charles smiled and kissed Erik's cheek.

He gently picked her up and kissed her forehead. "Hey lovely", Charles smiled as she tiredly opened her eyes again and looked at him.

"Erik? Can you prepare the milk?"

* * *

'Yes, my love' he answered and went downstairs to the kitchen. The bottle was already sterile and Erik picked the breast milk from the fridge to warm it up.

Erik's heart was still beating fast inside his chest after what Jean had told him. Charles wanted him to propose. Excitement was bubbling inside him and he started thinking of all the plans he had started all those six months ago. A dinner at the same place Charles took him on their first date, then a night at the hotel they had gone to on Charles' birthday ten years ago.

Erik's own birthday was almost at the door and he thought it would be nice to do it after then, Charles wouldn't see it coming.

When it was done he was pretty proud of himself and took the bottle upstairs, banishing all the proposal thoughts out of his mind, not wanting Charles to hear them.

Charles was rocking Grace everywhere in the room and humming a lullaby at her. Erik's heart filled with warmth and he came closer giving him the bottle.

Charles sat down on the chair, and Erik sat next to him.

Grace started crying because she wasn't used to the plastic material, but Charles was gentle and shushed her while Erik caressed her hair whispering sweet nothings. She stopped crying and accepted the bottle, drinking hungrily.

* * *

It was the best sight ever, to see his little girl drinking and curling her little hands around Charles' finger again. Apparently, it was her habit to do so, making Charles' heart melt. She drank almost half the bottle, when Charles looked up.

"Do you want to feed her too?", he asked Erik and the other man looked at him with wide eyes.  
"Do you really want me to? I mean-", Erik started, but Charles cut him off. "Erik. You are her father as much as I am. Of course, I want you to feed her:"

He gently put her into Erik's arms, watching Erik carefully putting one hand underneath her head. Then he gave him the bottle and smiled as Erik put it on her mouth and she started drinking again.

It was such a beautiful sight, that Charles didn't know what to do with the overwhelming feelings he got.

* * *

Erik couldn't put into words how he was feeling at that very moment. Grace was drinking the milk so fast and so avidly that her big blue eyes were filled with tears. She was looking right at him and Erik felt like he couldn't breathe.

He turned his head and catched Charles' lips in a quick kiss, thankful that he really did want Erik to be part of it. It's not like he doubted it, he just.. Felt out of place in this whole situation, and the way Charles was including him meant everything.

The rest of the day went by pretty much the same. Grace only slept and ate for now, but they still sang for her and shook stuffed bears with funny voices to amuse her.

The diapers part was a bit of a challenge, Erik refusing to change anything that wasn't pee and Charles not wanting to do it. They decided to flip a coin to see who would have to do it first and Erik obviously used his powers to win. He still had to do it later though, but at the end of it he felt like he had completed a mission, overcome the enemy, and it felt good.

When it was time to give her a bath they had both done it together, with Erik holding her inside the small bathtub, while Charles used the soap and cleaned her up.

Grace only cried when she was hungry or dirty, and whenever one of them came by and picked her up she would stop immediately and make the cutest pout ever. Erik told Charles that she had definitely got that pout from him and won a kiss in return.

When night came, they were tired but not as much as they thought they would be. The real challenge must be spend all days with her but they were not there yet.

They put her down for another nap, and waited until Moira would get there to pick her up. When she did, they talked a little about how the day went and she was pleased to know they managed it smoothly. They started making plans for Grace to spend a whole weekend with them and then she left.

Erik came behind Charles and hugged him "What do you think we go out together this weekend? We can get ourselves a hotel room and just… spend time away from the students".

* * *

Charles put his hands on top of Erik's arms and turned his head to face him a little. He couldn't resist not leaning forward and kissing his nose.

"You don't like our room?", he joked, laughing slightly. "No, no! I just think it would be nice to be all alone for once."

Charles then turned around in Erik's arms and put his own on Erik's waist.

"I like that idea. Do you want to choose the hotel together?", he asked but Erik quickly denied. "No, I will do it. You keep organising everything and you deserve this small vacation." - "A weekend-vacation?", Charles chuckled and Erik nodded.

"Okay then."

Erik leaned forward and kissed Charles' forehead and they hugged each other afterwards. Just feeling the beating of their hearts slowly start to beat in the same rhythm. The heat of their bodies and the gently movements of their chests when they breathed in and out.

* * *

The weekend came by quickly and they had made plans to go out to have dinner on saturday night, then go to the hotel and spend the whole sunday there.

Erik got up early that morning, slipping out of bed and the room without Charles noticing. He left a post-it behind that read 'I'll be back by lunch time. Love you' .

He got inside the car and started driving. He needed the GPS help for this because he wasn't exactly sure where the store was. He had found this amazing place through the internet, and had ordered their engagement rings through the phone. He had to pay a lot of extra money to get it ready in time, but he didn't care.

Erik was still unsure of when he would propose, but for now, the idea of doing it sunday morning, while they were both in bed - messy hair, dirty sheets, plush lips and bruised skin, the afterglow of an amazing night together still looming above them - was winning.

He finally got to the store and had to wait a long time for his turn. It was a rather fancy place and it was stuffed with posh people. Erik didn't fit there but he loved it, knowing that the ring he would get Charles was perfect.

When they got the rings for him, Erik opened the beautiful blue velvet box, and his breath caught in his throat upon seeing those bands. They were made of white gold with two golden stripes on each and they were exactly what he had pictured. On the inside of Charles' was written 'You're my world' and Erik's eyes filled with tears. His heart was beating nervously inside his chest and he really hoped Charles would like it.

He left the store, putting the small box on his leather jacket pocket, and sat down in the car for at least an hour, until he had gotten control of his feelings and knew he wouldn't think about it around Charles.

* * *

When Charles woke up and didn't feel the usual heat of Erik's body next to him, he thought he had overslept. He sat up in bed and yawned, looking at the clock. It was still morning, so Charles wondered where Erik was.

He looked around and then saw the small note.

"What the hell is he up to now?", he asked himself out loud and started to get dressed afterwards.

Charles wandered around the house, checking on students and packing the last things for the stay at the hotel. It wasn't much, but things as toothbrush and new clothes were a must.

When he finally felt Erik coming back, he went to the door and raised an eyebrow at him.

"I hate being the jealous wife again, but where were you?"

* * *

"Out" Erik answered with a smile. "Oh, really? I didn't notice that" Charles said making Erik laugh.

"I bought donuts" he got closer and wrapped his arms around the other man's waist, giving him a peck on the lips afterwards.

He pulled away and dangled the bag in front of Charles. "You got out for that?" - "Yes. Is that… okay? I mean, I'm sorry I left you alone" Erik answered trying to play the victim so Charles wouldn't pressure the matter anymore.

"Oh no, no. It's fine love, I was just curious." - "Okay" he said relieved.

They went to the kitchen and sat on the table together. The students didn't go there because they had their own sort of cafeteria, so they had a little privacy - if you ignored the cooks.

"I already packed our things" Charles said after eating two donuts. He had sugar on his lips and Erik couldn't stop staring "Seriously, Erik? My eyes are over here" he joked and leaned in so they could kiss.

"I can't wait for tonight" Erik said with his eyes already full of desire "Where are we going?" - "I made a reservation on that place you took me on our first date." - "Oh, that's nice. Thank you."

Erik kissed him again and said he had to grade some papers before they left. He got up and left the kitchen, his palms starting to sweat.

* * *

Charles wondered why Erik didn't do those things earlier, but didn't stop him either. He spent the time talking with students again, some of them really needed to talk and it was a pleasure to him to be someone who listened.

Hours passed and soon it was finally time to start getting ready for their date.

Charles went into the bathroom and took a hot shower, getting dressed into his lilac v-neck and dark blue jeans afterwards. He shaved and brushed his teeth, wondering where Erik was, as he was pacing around his room.

'Where are you, love?', he asked Erik.

* * *

'I'm waiting downstairs' Erik answered. He had already showered and got dressed earlier, being too nervous to wait any longer.

He was pacing on the lobby, his heart racing inside his chest. He had lied before about grading the papers and had actually spent the whole time hiding in the library, - deciding that he was indeed proposing in the morning - and talking to a few students. Then, he had gone get ready an hour earlier than he was supposed to.

"How come you're ready?" Charles asked when he got there and Erik gave him a nervous smile "I finished work a little earlier" he answered.

Charles narrowed his eyes at him, and Erik knew he was starting to act too weird. He needed to cool down. "You look beautiful" he said looking at Charles, who was wearing Erik's favorite sweater.

"Thank you, you look beautiful too" - "You know I can't resist you in that sweater" Erik said getting closer "You can't resist me in any sweater" Charles answered, his voice full of laughter and Erik picked him up by the waist and spinned them around once, their lips locked.

"That's true" he said when they parted and let Charles put his feet on the ground again.

"Shall we go then?" he asked feeling a little calmer after kissing his boyfriend "Yes".

* * *

They walked to the restaurant hand in hand, Charles' head resting on Erik's shoulder. It was a ten minute walk, the weather getting colder, but still warm enough to not wear jackets.

When they arrived at the restaurant, the waiter once again guided them to their seats and they sat down. Erik looked nervous again and Charles wanted to ask why. Maybe it was because it's only their second official date? Was Erik still not used to go out with Charles? He was about to open his mouth, when his phone vibrated.

[Moira MacTaggert]

Look at our sleeping angel.

Open attached file

He clicked on it and saw a cute sleeping Grace. She was drooling all over the pillow and her hands were wrapped around a small teddy.

"Oww look, Erik!", he said and showed his boyfriend the photo. "Isn't she cute?"

* * *

Erik smiled openly when he saw the picture, and felt the nervousness melting away from him. "The cutest" he answered honestly.

Grace looked a lot more like Charles with each day that passed, and her sleepy face was the same as her father's, which was enough to calm Erik down once again.

Charles retrieved his phone and Erik watched as he texted Moira back with skilled fingers, putting it inside his pocket when he was done.

The waiter came by and wrote down their orders. They chatted about the school, Grace, movies and food until their own arrived and then they ate, still talking.

When the dessert came - another 'chocolate delight' - they started sharing it, laughing at each other's jokes until Charles' face turned into serious and he asked "So. What's the occasion?".

Erik swallowed the food inside his mouth slowly, buying himself some time. "Can't I take my boyfriend out?" - "Of course, but you seem… nervous." - "I'm not, I'm just tired" he lied, his eyes falling on the dessert in front of him.

"Erik" Charles said firmly and Erik looked up at him "It's nothing" he said with a small voice. Charles looked right inside his eyes and Erik knew that his boyfriend was about to snoop inside his mind, so he used all his focus to think only about his upcoming birthday in three days.

* * *

He hated having to read Erik's mind, but Charles needed to know what was wrong. Erik must have known that Charles couldn't stand having secrets between them.

His eyes focused on Erik, he found access into his mind, thoughts and emotions. Erik indeed was nervous and as Charles looked deeper, he found out why.

"Your birthday?", he asked in disbelief. Erik never told him that he had birthday so soon. His heart sank a little. Did Erik throw this party for himself, because he thought Charles wouldn't?

"Why didn't you tell me that your birthday is in three days?", he kept asking and not getting any answers.

Erik was awfully silent and when Charles was about to dig further into his mind, he finally opened his mouth to speak.

"I didn't want you to throw a big party for me or anything." - "I wouldn't have if you told me so. Why do you keep holding these things from me?"

Charles didn't want to get upset and ruin their night, but he couldn't help being a little disappointed. Erik was back at hiding again and it frustrated him.

* * *

Erik reached out to hold Charles' hand, and gripped it firmly not wanting him to escape. This was better than the truth, wasn't it?

"Don't be upset, my love. I wasn't trying to hide anything from you" - "I had to look inside your mind, Erik" he said his voice sounding sad.

Erik sighed "I promise I was going to tell you, I was. I just didn't know how to. It's weird to tell someone when your birthday is" - "I'm not just someone!" - "No my dear, you're not. Look, I just… I haven't celebrated my birthday in 22 years, Charles." he said hoping the other man would understand he hadn't done it ever since his mother had died.

"And I never told anyone when it was. I just thought… You would be upset about not knowing, so I've been trying to tell you, it just feels… Weird to say it out loud. Besides, you never asked so… I was just nervous about saying it" he finished off. Charles could not be upset, not tonight. Not ever, really.

* * *

He took a deep breath and tried calming down a little. It really wasn't the time and place to make such a drama out of a small secret. Charles squeezed Erik's hand slightly.

"Okay then.. but no more secrets okay?", he asked with a small smile. If the waiter didn't come in that exact moment, asking if they wanted something more, Charles would have noticed the small flinch from Erik. But he didn't. "No more secrets", he answered after the waiter went away again.

They had ordered the receipt and when they got it, Erik insisted to pay for them, saying that Charles paid last time. The cold air hit them in the face as they stepped outside the restaurant and both man hurried to get into a cab. Erik told the man the address of their hotel and Charles snuggled up close to Erik. It was a five minute ride and once they paid the driver and got out of the car, Charles realised where they were.

"Erik. That's your.. that's the hotel..", he said rather stupidly.

* * *

"Yeah" Erik confirmed shaking his head and looking at the hotel. He wrapped his arm around Charles' shoulder and they stood there for a moment.

"I wasn't sure about bringing you here again. I thought it might stir up bad memories, but I… I only have good ones. That night was the best one of my life for so long."

"What's the best one now?" Charles asked looking up to him, his bright blue eyes baring Erik's heart and soul. "I can't pick one anymore. All nights with you are the best ones. Even when we're just lying together" he said honestly and Charles stood on his toes to kiss him gently. "Is it okay then? Being here?" he asked still feeling slightly unsure "It's perfect".

Erik smiled and they went inside the hotel, picking up their key and getting inside the elevator. Once in there, Erik started laughing.

"What?" - "We could barely wait that night. Making out in here… if the elevator had stopped and someone had walked in, I wouldn't have noticed."

Charles hugged him tighter and kissed his chest "I wouldn't have either".

They reached their room, memories flicking like a movie inside Erik's mind, and went inside it, to see that it hadn't changed a thing even ten years later.

Erik put the jacket he was holding carefully on the nightstand, the blue box inside its pocket, and then got closer to Charles, his hands cupping his face.

He kissed him softly on the lips, and pulled away to look inside his eyes "Am I forgiven yet?" he asked.

* * *

"Forgiven what?", Charles asked knowingly and Erik smiled, not bothering with the answer.

He stood on his tip toes to kiss Erik again, never getting enough of those lips on his. They both slowly parted their lips and Charles slipped his tongue inside Erik's mouth, tasting 'Chocolate delight' there. He moaned quietly when the flavour hit him, knowing exactly that ten years ago, it had been the flavour of nicotine lingering in Erik's mouth.

Charles still didn't know what was up with all of that, but he quite liked it. Maybe Erik knew that soon, they wouldn't have much time anymore to do such things.

He wrapped his arms around Erik's neck at that thought, pulling him closer. Erik's heartbeat was still too fast, but Charles blamed it on arousal.

He parted slightly from Erik's lips and looked the other man in the eyes.

"Take me in the exact same way you did ten years ago", he whispered against Erik's plush lips and closed the gap between them again.

* * *

Erik kissed Charles slowly and with devotion, his hands sneaking around the other man's waist to bring him even closer. Charles' hands were exploring his body like he had never got the chance to do so before, touching everywhere he could reach. Erik started walking slowly, reaching the bed and letting Charles fall in the white sheets, their eyes never leaving each other.

He climbed on top of him, their lips meeting again, tongues fighting and teeth clashing, Charles fingers running through Erik's short hair. Erik pulled away from the kiss, so his lips could follow a path on his boyfriend's jawline and then his neck, making him moan.

"I love marking your skin" Erik repeated what Charles had said back then, making him hum in approval while his teeth sank to the skin on his neck, giving a gentle bite and licking it afterwards.

He tugged at Charles' shirt, wanting to kiss him lower - his collarbone, his chest, his nipples, his stomach - and pulled the fabric off when Charles arched off the bed.

Erik leaned down, kissing and licking all those places, his hands running on the other man's soft silky skin "You're so beautiful" he whispered looking up and meeting blue eyes.

* * *

Charles' heart fluttered at those words; he had never forgotten what an effect they had on him back then. He was sure, Erik would see pure desire and love in Charles' eyes, exactly the same he found in Erik's. But there was still a hint of something else. A foreign fear in Erik's eyes that Charles couldn't seem to explain.

"I love you Erik. I never got the chance to say these words to you back then, but I tried. I remember that I told you how I loved marking you and how you looked at me", Charles said and pulled Erik in for a deep kiss.

He needed to be close to Erik, was thirsty for his love. His hands wandered underneath Erik's shirt, caressing his back before pulling the shirt off gently.

Their lips met immediately afterwards, hips brushing together as Charles buckled his up and both man let out a deep moan.

* * *

Charles' words were doing things to Erik's heart he couldn't even explain. He was finding more difficult with each second to not think about the… about what he wanted to do next morning.

Erik rocked his hips, lips still locked with the other man's and hands caressing everywhere.

He pulled away to start kissing Charles' chest until he reached the hem of his pant, and opened the button of his jeans, his hands brushing against his bulge teasingly.

Charles moaned, a sound from heaven, and Erik felt himself getting harder. As he pushed down Charles' pant he told him "I had the words on the tip of my tongue. And I should have said it, but I'll say it now; I love you so damn much, Charles" his voice was thick with emotion and nervousness pouring out as well.

He pulled his boyfriend's underwear down, and then took in his entire naked body, the vision never ceasing to amaze him. "So damn much" he echoed and proceeded to kiss Charles' thighs, his thoughts running wild inside his head.

* * *

Charles let out a shaky breath as Erik's words and lips hit him. He was already hard and leaking, feelings and pleasure just too overwhelming at that moment. This night was even better than the one ten years ago, since they could actually tell their feelings to the other one now.

"I love you too, Erik", Charles panted and Erik closed his lips around his cock, making him almost arch out of the mattress. His dick was immediately leaking more precum and Charles moaned loudly.

Charles' hands automatically found Erik's hair, grabbing on it as if it was his only lifeline. The only sane thought and Charles needed to hang on to it. His eyes closed, pleasure running through his body and heating up his skin. Erik's tongue was teasing Charles' dick as he felt his boyfriend taking him in. He pulled a little on Erik's hair, not enough to hurt him though, but teasing a moan out of the other man. The vibration of his lips made Charles moan out Erik's name.

"Erik, you're driving me insane", Charles said, trying to catch his breath, but when Erik took him even deeper, he forgot how to breathe. Erik was swallowing around his dick, while pushing Charles' hips down to control his thrusts. The feeling was insane.

* * *

Erik hummed around Charles' cock, the feeling of sucking him off almost good enough to make him come inside his pants. He could never get tired of it.

He pulled away and asked with a devilish grin 'You like that?' his voice hoarse from what his throat had just been doing.

'Fuck, yes' was the answer he got, making shivers run through his body.

He immediately reached out for the bag Charles had brought, pulling it with his power and getting the lube out.

He poured it on his fingers and nudged Charles' legs further apart, teasing his entrance before pushing two fingers in.

His boyfriend moaned and Erik moaned back at the sound. Charles had his head thrown back and eyes screwed shut all the while Erik stretched him, his fingers poking his prostate.

When the other man started moving and biting his lips as he rode Erik's digits, he went back up again and kissed the corner of his mouth. Charles' teeth let go of his bottom lip and Erik took the opportunity to kiss him, pushing his tongue inside deeply.

'I'm ready, Erik' Charles said inside his head, even his thoughts sounding breathless and Erik pulled his fingers away.

Charles immediately wrapped his legs around his waist, Erik grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers, their hands resting next to Charles' head.

As he guided himself to the other man's entrance, he whispered 'Look at me, Charles'.

* * *

When Charles opened his eyes and met Erik's, their minds connected. Charles wanted to feel Erik so close, so he reached out and found a way into Erik's mind. His intention was to get access to Erik's emotions and feelings, connecting them with his own. What he saw though, was something he never expected.

He saw Erik's vision of their future; Grace and them in one house, one family. They were married and Charles followed that thought, being guided to Erik's vision of their wedding and then he saw it.

Erik's plan for the proposal, the ring, the hotel, their bodies glowing in the morning sun.

Charles wished so badly, he would have never seen these thoughts, but he did. He looked towards Erik's jacket, now knowing what was buried deep in one of the pockets. And Charles knew that he just gave away knowing Erik's secret. Still he couldn't help.

* * *

Erik's heart clenched painfully - as bad as it had hurt when he left those two times.

Charles had looked into his eyes, and just when Erik was about to push inside him, he turned his head and stared right at Erik's jacket.

He knew. Fuck. All the planning, all the effort he had spent trying not to think of it, gone. All gone, ruined.

But that would be okay, it really would if Charles' eyes didn't seem almost scared. Like the other man somehow wished that was not happening.

Erik suddenly wasn't hard anymore, and his grip on Charles' hand softened, his mouth hanging open like he wanted to say something but every word he once knew had vanished from his mind.

But Jean had said… She said he wanted it. The only thing missing from his life.

Erik pulled away and sat on his heels, Charles' legs unwrapping easily from his waist. And then he thought, he really thought about the day when she had talked to him and she had seemed… Shifty. If Charles had really said all those things why was she only telling Erik after she read his mind and found out he was sad about it?

Lies. All lies. Made up words. This wasn't what Charles wanted. This was what Erik wanted. And he tried so hard to believe in it, he wanted it to be truth so bad that he didn't see what was right in front of his eyes.

He wasn't crying. No, not yet. Not in front of Charles. But he wasn't leaving either.

He couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't keep hiding his feelings, he needed to ask Charles what was it that he wanted, he just didn't know how.

He looked at the other man, who now had his eyes closed.

'Charles?' He whispered, his voice sounding too broken even for himself.

* * *

He felt terrible.

Why was he being so nosy? Why did he have to look further into Erik's mind? All he had wanted to feel closer to Erik than ever, but what he got was the exact opposite.

Charles opened his eyes again, looking at Erik with shame and regret. His boyfriend looked beaten and so incredibly sad, that Charles' heart clenched painfully. He sat up and put a blanket over their legs. God, Charles hoped Erik could forgive him somehow.

"Erik.. I am so sorry", he said honestly, his hand reaching out to touch Erik's.

He wanted to forget what he had seen so badly. He wanted to have the proposal just as Erik had imagined and planned very carefully. He wanted Erik to make love to him now. They should wake up in the morning and Erik would get the ring out and ask Charles.

He wanted to marry Erik. Charles just wasn't sure if Erik was going to ask now after all.

* * *

"Erik.. I am so sorry". The words were echoing inside his mind as Erik stared at Charles' hand on top of his.

He could barely feel the other man's touch, like his body and senses were shutting down, shying away from the inevitable, heartbreaking, life destroying pain that was settling inside him.

I am so sorry he had said. I am so sorry if I lead you to believe this is what I wanted. I am so sorry you thought this was a good idea. I am so sorry I don't want to marry you.

He wanted to cry, he did. But he felt so completely and utterly numb. He knew he was overreacting, being too dramatic. But this pain… He had never felt it before. He had never been rejected by Charles and it felt like everything he knew had suddenly changed and shifted into nothingness.

I am so sorry.

I am sorry too, he wanted to say.

'Why?' He asked instead, feeling desperate. 'Is it… Still too soon? I can't… I've wanted it for so long and I thought.. I was lead to believe you wanted too. I'm sorry I put you in this position, you shouldn't feel bad so don't apologize. It's not what you want then.. I can live with that, I don't need it, I just want to be with you ok? Anything… Anything you can give me' the words escaped his lips while he still looked down.

He wanted to throw up.

* * *

"Erik", Charles tried to cut the other man off, but he kept on babbling. He had just realised what an impression he had given to Erik and instantly felt bad for that.

Charles might have felt terrible because of what he did, but he still was the happiest man after all.

He put a hand under Erik's chin and lifted his head up, being confronted with the most raw feelings in the other man's eyes: despair, sadness and yet there was still the love and devotion.

Charles needed to vanish all those bad feelings from Erik's eyes, because they had something to celebrate.

"Erik, I am sorry for ruining your moment. That didn't mean, I don't want to marry you."

Charles cupped his face and gave Erik a short, gentle and most of all reassuring kiss.

"And now ask me properly, Lehnsherr, or you'll get the title of old jealous wife", he then grinned.

* * *

Erik stared at Charles for what felt like an eternity. The other man's words trying to make way inside his head, trying to make him believe them and banish the sadness away for good.

But what if Charles was just saying that because of Erik? To please him?

He kept staring, but then, Charles tilted his head to the side slightly, his eyes still locked on Erik's and he looked so honest and open. He looked even happy. And Erik knew he meant it.

An energy that came out of nowhere took over Erik's body and he jumped to the nightstand, his hand grabbing the jacket.

He sat down again, the blanket still around his lower body, and took the blue box out of the pocket.

He looked at it, and then ever so slowly, he opened the lid, revealing the two bands.

He heard Charles' breath hitching and looked up, their eyes meeting, blue and grey mixing together 'Will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?' he asked, his voice sounding as steady as he imagined all those times but his heart going insane inside his chest.

* * *

Charles' heart had stopped beating and somehow he forgot how to breathe. He couldn't even start to describe how much love he felt for Erik in that very moment.

His body was hot and cold at the same time, goosebumps everywhere. This feeling was so strong and floating his whole body. His Erik wanted to marry him.

"Of course I do", Charles finally found his voice back again, but it was still barely above a whisper. "Yes, oui, sí, ja, yes."

His heart and lungs decided to start working again with way too much energy right then.

"Ich liebe dich", he said in his broken german, before he pulled Erik close and pressed their lips together.

* * *

Erik held Charles tight, running his tongue on his boyfriend's - no, his fiancé's - bottom lip, asking for access.

Charles parted his mouth, and Erik kissed him slow and deep, putting as much passion in it as he could. It was when they pulled away out of breath that Erik realized he had been crying during the kiss.

Charles had said yes. Not just yes, he had agreed in the most beautiful breathtaking way, and Erik didn't expect anything less from him.

'I love you too' he finally answered, his mind only now starting to register exactly what and how Charles had said it 'So very much. Forever.' - 'Forever' Charles copied.

They stayed with their foreheads pressed together, smiling like idiots and both crying. Erik was clutching the blue box, and Charles' hands fell from his neck, curling around it.

'Will you put the ring on me?' He asked sweetly and Erik catched his beautiful lips in another kiss before pulling away and picking Charles' ring.

'I had something written on the inside' he said, showing it to the other man.

* * *

Charles read what was written on the inside and once again hold his breath. He was sure, so few oxygen in his lungs was bad for his health, but he couldn't help it.

"You're my world", he read it out loud and looked up to Erik, a silly wide smile on his face. "They are beautiful, love."

He held out his hand for Erik to put the ring on his finger and so he did. The metal felt cold and strange at first around his finger, but it was like a permanent reminder that he had just agreed to marry the love of his life.

"It fits perfectly", he whispered out of breath and kissed Erik once again.

* * *

Erik was unbelievably happy and complete at that very moment. He kissed Charles back fiercely, they couldn't stay away for too long, but when they parted, Charles snatched the box away from his hand and put the other ring on Erik's finger.

'I love you' Erik said because he couldn't say it enough times, and then they were kissing again.

The blanket was ripped from between them as Erik lowered himself on top of Charles and kissed his lips with such devotion, he felt like his heart was being poured out inside the other man's mouth.

He pulled away and whispered against Charles' mouth 'Fiancé' tasting the word and letting it roll on his tongue. It felt fantastic.

* * *

They got lost in kisses and words of appreciation afterwards. Their tongues curling around each other, hands roaming over skin and muscles.

Charles felt Erik's hand touching his hip, felt the now warm metal press into his skin and his heart skipped a beat. His legs curled around Erik's waist once again, pulling Erik closer to himself. Their lower bodies touched and their erections started to grow again.

"Erik, please", Charles moaned as Erik started kissing his neck, nibbling and sucking on a sensitive spot. He grabbed Erik's hair and angled his own head, so Erik would have better access.

"I'm still ready, I'm always ready for you", he said and let out a desperate moan.

It wasn't entirely true, but Charles couldn't go through another torturous preparation, needing to feel Erik inside of him right now.

* * *

Erik moaned at Charles' words, his lips still occupied with the spot he knew it was sensitive, his entire body boiling and sweating.

He felt Charles' hand wander down his back and grab his ass, the ring digging on Erik's flesh and giving him goosebumps.

He picked the bottle of lube and once again smeared the cool liquid on his dick, his heart hammering fast and his brain almost shutting down of sheer happiness and pleasure. He leaned down again, kissing Charles on the lips while he finally entered him, the rings of muscle resisting at first, not being so well prepared anymore.

Erik shut his eyes, his head falling to Charles' shoulder biting on it. When he was completely inside, his cock throbbing in there, he lifted his head and asked 'Connect our minds, love. Please'.

* * *

Charles let out a shaky breath when he finally felt Erik inside of him. He knew, Erik must had been going insane at the tightness of his hole, but he couldn't resist, clenching it around the hard dick inside of him. Erik let out a deep groan that was sent right to Charles cock, making him whimper.

He was barely able to concentrate on his task. Charles put his fingers on Erik's temple, looking at the ring for a moment. Then he closed his eyes and entered Erik's mind again, searching for the center of his emotions. Once, he found access to it and connect it with his, they were floated with overwhelming feelings of love, pleasure and desire.

Charles let out a hiss and his body arched off the mattress.

"Tell me if it's too much", he heard his raspy voice saying, but didn't even recognise it as his own.

* * *

'It's not too much. It's beautiful, you're beautiful' he said panting.

Charles' hole was painfully tight and Erik had no clue how he was even going to move in there.

Their shared feelings were flooding his mind, the love between them too strong to ever be broken, and the pleasure they were both feeling were mixed making Erik even harder.

He rocked his hips experimentally, drawing a deep throat moan out of Charles' mouth, and a groan from himself.

His head was falling to the front, both his hands on each side of Charles' body, his hips moving slowly and teasingly.

'Yes… hmmmhm' the other man moaned and Erik took the cue to snap his hips behind and then further inside again, going as deep as possible.

He moved a hand to brush away Charles' sweaty hair from his forehead, and moved again, this time almost taking his entire cock out before putting it back in again.

He fastened the pace of his thrusts, not being able to keep it slow, his mind overwhelmed by all those feelings, Charles' pleasure getting him more and more aroused by the second. He could feel how much Charles liked being taken like that, being Erik's, being filled by him and then his cum slowly dripping out of his hole, making his thighs sticky.

Erik moaned at that, the pool of arousal too much to bare, his orgasm starting to build up already, he didn't want it to end it yet but they did have the whole night to do it again and again.

He reached out with his hand between their bodies, holding Charles' erection, the precum leaking from there and teased the head, spreading the liquid. He started pumping it at the same rhythm as his thrusts, Charles meeting him halfway and groaned 'I'm not… Charles' he moaned the name quietly 'I'm not going to last' he said, his eyes meeting his fiancé's.

* * *

Just when Erik's eyes met Charles', he couldn't hold onto himself anymore. His orgasm overcame him, making him shiver, pant and moan.

"Erik", he groaned and felt his boyfriend stroking him through his orgasm.

Charles clouded mind barely notice Erik's thrusts going faster and more irregularly, until he suddenly stilled and let out a deep moan. Then he felt the warm liquid filling him, so he closed his eyes and loud out a small "mhhnmm".

When Erik broke down on top of Charles, he was finally coming down from his high and was able to run his hands through Erik's hair. He watched him trying to come down, his breath still way too fast. Sweat was all over his forehead, so Charles brushed it away with one hand and Erik lifted his head to look at him.

"Hey, my fiancé", he smiled and saw Erik's eyes flicker happily in response.

* * *

The words sent shivers all over Erik's body, the love he felt too intense to be described, so strong that it made his heart ache.

'Hey, husband to be' he answered making Charles smile brightly.

He collapsed next to him, pulling Charles close at the same moment. He touched their foreheads together, his eyes never leaving Charles'.

'Thank you' he said out of breath 'For what?' the other man asked as he stroke Erik's back, theirs legs intertwined and chests touching.

'For making me happy. For taking me back. For saying yes. I wanted it to be perfect, because you deserve so much more… But I… Can't imagine it going any better than it did' he answered honestly, his hand caressing Charles' cheek.

* * *

"You don't have to thank me for all of this as if I was doing you a favor, my love", Charles answered and leaned into Erik's touch. "But I am so glad, you aren't upset about me breaking your surprise." He smiled as Erik shook his head, kissing him gently once again.

"You know, when I saw you at that bar ten years ago, I was wondering all night long how someone as handsome like you, could be interested in me. I couldn't help but imagine our future in that night of my birthday, wondering if I was really that lucky to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. And when I first saw you again after all those years, I was wondering if it was destiny that we found our way back to each other." He kissed Erik's chin, his jawline and his nose.

"I always wonder when I'm around you. Life with you is just one big adventure. Nothing is set in stone, nothing can get boring or normal. You never fail to surprise me, Erik", he finished and rubbed his nose gently against Erik's, his eyes closed but lips not touching.

* * *

Erik's heart was fluttering. Not only his heart, but all his organs felt different somehow.

His life now was completely different than it was all those years ago, when he had approached the most beautiful stranger at a bar. Back then he was filled with pain and anger, and even so, he left himself be drawn into Charles' world. He was scared and foolish, but had loved him with all his heart.

And his life now was so much different than it was when they met in prison. He had accepted that he was basically over then, no more hope, nothing else he could do. But at least he had memories of nights full of passion, of love, making his heart beat frantically, making him free. And then, Charles had come to rescue him.

He gave Erik back his life, his freedom, his love. He gave him memories with his mother, chess, reading in the library squeezed in the same couch, kissing and touching and fire. He gave him adventure, happiness, future.

Charles gave him a family, a daughter, a yes. A promise. He gave himself to Erik with such deep trust and confidence.

His Charles. His. Possessive as it sounds, it was perhaps the most beautiful combination of words he had ever heard. His Charles. And Erik was entirely and completely his Erik.

'I will always find a way back to you' he whispered, voice thick with emotion, placing a kiss on the corner of his Charles' mouth.

**THE END**


	20. Extras

**Time Stamp 1**

**Erik's birthday**

Charles woke up early that morning, the sun was shining through the window into their room. He wondered briefly, how Erik didn't wake up yet with the sun shining right into his face, but hurried to close the curtains afterwards. They had made love two times last night - Charles early birthday present for Erik.

It's been only three days since their engagement, but yet the whole school already knew about it. Students and teacher had come up to them and congratulated at the same day they returned and Carles could only blame Jean on this one.

Now, three days later, everything settled down again, but of course when Charles stepped into the main hall, students started surrounding him again. They were excited to celebrate Erik's birthday, even though Charles had told them Erik didn't want a big party. How do you even try celebrating only a little when there were over 300 people in the house?

Again, Charles fully blames Jean on spreading the information about Erik's birthday, but when it was already too late to stop, he came to her for help. The last two days, they'd been preparing this day together with the students. It was of enormous help that Jean and Charles could communicate in the heads of everyone, so Erik wouldn't know a thing.

It would start with them having a huge breakfast - that was more a brunch than anything - with all the students outside in the garden. He checked on the setting, seeing that Jean was already working on putting the dishes on many rows of tables. The cooks were also putting the food on separated tables where everyone could go with their plate and take whatever they wanted.

Charles was satisfied with the preparation and told Jean through their minds, that he was going to wake Erik now. Then he left to go upstairs again into their room. He saw that Erik was still peacefully sleeping as he entered the room.

He sat down on the bed next to Erik and took his hand with the ring on it in his own, squeezing it slightly.  
"Good morning, love", he whispered and kissed Erik gently.

* * *

Erik was woken up by Charles' lips on his, and he sighed happily at the feeling before opening his eyes. "Good morning, love" he mirrored and gave him his sharky smile.

"Happy Birthday" Charles said his eyes bright and dancing "Thank you" he answered honestly and sat up in bed, to catch his fiancé in another kiss.

This was one was deep and slow, his hand running through the other man's soft hair, memories of last night flickering in his mind. When they parted, Charles said "C'mon, get up and put something on so we can have breakfast".

He stood up and pulled Erik by his hand with a warm smile. Erik was completely naked in all his glory, and Charles' hands quickly found his waist, caressing him. They couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Erik picked his clothes with Charles pacing behind him, making him hurry up. He narrowed his eyes but didn't comment on it. He was not stupid, and he knew Charles was up to something. Of course he had no clue of what it was, and he was definitely scared of it, but he knew the other man would do something on his birthday. He just had to be prepared for anything.

When he was finally dressed, his fiancé grabbed his hand and started pulling him out of the room, down the corridors and stairs. He thought they were going to the kitchen or the cafeteria, but he was lead to the outside. "Charles?" he asked, and the other man simply smiled at him, his thumb caressing Erik's hand.

They got to the garden, and Erik was greeted with a collective "Surprise!" of over 300 people, students and teachers. Charles had his arms around him by then, and had whispered the word in his ear. The other man's hold was the only thing that kept Erik from falling behind, because this was actually a surprise.

He smiled widely, and said "Thank you, everyone", his voice honest and happy. Everyone else was smiling at him, and he felt loved. He turned a little at Charles' embrace and looked him lovingly in the eyes "Thank you, my Angel" he said using the nickname the other man gave him, and gave him a peck on the lips.

* * *

"I know you didn't celebrate for years, but now is different. Now you have people that actually care about you, love you. Still, I wanted to go slow and settle for brunch. Is that alright?", he asked, biting his lip coyly.

"Very much so", Erik smiled and leaned a bit forward, so that their noses were touching.

"Then I'm happy", Charles grinned and they parted a bit, suddenly aware of 600 eyes staring at them.

He took Erik's hand and guided them towards their seats next to Jean and Raven. When they sat down, people nearby already started wishing Erik a happy birthday and he thanked them happily. Their hands were still intertwined underneath the table and Charles' thumb was caressing Erik's skin.

Then the cook came to their table and set a big chocolate cake, that was based on 'Chocolate delight' from the restaurant, on the table in front of Erik.

It had five candles on it and Charles leaned into Erik, whispering in his ear "I'm sorry love, but you start to grow into the age when people don't put as many candles on the cake as the actual age says." He chuckled at his words and squeezed Erik's hand quickly.

* * *

"I'm 33!" Erik said pretending to be angry about what Charles had said, and the other man laughed "Exactly my point". Erik looked at him from the corner of his eyes, a smile on his face that seemed to be stuck there and wouldn't come out.

He looked at the amazing cake in front of him, it looked delicious and familiar, but he couldn't point what it reminded him of exactly.

"So, what's the flavor?" Raven asked eyeing the cake hungrily and Charles answered "Something called 'chocolate delight'" making Erik's heart skip a bit. "You didn't" he exclaimed turning to fully face him.

Charles had a proud grin on his face. "I could kiss you right now" Erik said, really wanting to just lean in and love Charles right on top of that table. Without the kids looking, of course. "Later" Charles answered with a wink.

They served their food, and ate together. All the students chatting happily, laughter filling the garden. He missed Grace for a second there, but knew he would see her on the upcoming weekend. Right now, everything was perfect.

He saw as Charles lighted the candles after they all ate, and the students gathered around them, to start singing 'happy birthday to you'. He felt his heart swelling inside his chest, and remembered the last time he had celebrated his birthday - he was nine, and he was with his mother, looking at a small chocolate cake, a candle flickering on top of it, and he was jumping up and down excitedly, before making a wish. He still remembered the wish, and it had come so very true. He had wished for a happy and full life. Charles gave him that.

He looked at the other man, and shared that memory and thought with him.

* * *

Charles breath got caught in his throat, when Erik shared that memory with him and he smiled compassionately. He watched as Erik blew out the candles and heard everybody applauding and cheering.

Afterwards, they went back to eating more and chatting with people. It went on until noon, when the cake was already eaten and some younger students were playing in the yard. Charles still didn't let go of Erik's hand and both men enjoyed that bit of intimacy a lot.

Logan approached them. He wasn't quite fond on Erik, but had accepted him throughout the months.

"Erik, I wanted to congratulate you. I …", he cut himself off and looked somewhere else. Charles frowned at his strange behaviour and looked from Logan to Erik and back.

"I knew your mother a bit and I thought you deserved to know that", he then said and avoided Erik's gaze. He cleared his throat.

"She was a wonderful and kind woman. We were good friends back then…"

* * *

Erik's mouth was hanging open, barely believing in what he had just heard. His hand squeezed Charles' tighter, needing his help to ground himself.

"That's…" he breathed out and looked up at Logan, who was avoiding his gaze "Thank you" he finally said, feeling grateful. "That means a lot to me".

Logan nodded and turned away. Erik was amazed at how small the world was, Logan had known his mother. Maybe they could sit down at some point and talk about her. Maybe he could tell Erik stories.

That would be amazing. But he wouldn't push it now, it must have been hard for Logan to tell him that, and it hadn't been easy for Erik to hear it. So many feelings had rushed back inside of him, memories and heartbreaking loss.

"You okay?" Charles asked hugging Erik from behind. He let his head fall back on the other man's shoulder and answered "Yeah." he answered a little sadly "Thank you for today, Charles. You make me so happy."

Charles kissed his temple and answered "You complete me". They sat there for longer, watching the kids playing and talking to each other, Raven telling tales of her life and making them all laugh with joy.

* * *

Charles felt her, before he could see her and smiled widely.

"I'm sorry love, but I have to leave you now. I'll be back", he said and kissed Erik's cheek.

"Where are you going?", Erik asked confused and Charles chuckled. "Getting your present."

He walked to the main entrance and greeted Moira, who was just approaching the door. She was carrying Grace on her arm and Charles gave his little girl a kiss.

"Do you have everything?", Moira asked and Charles nodded, getting out a red ribbon of his pocket and put it around Grace's waist loosely.

"Now I have everything." He smiled proudly and took Grace into his arms. "Thank you, Moira."

"It is okay", she said and told him goodbye, leaving again.

He grabbed some papers and went back into the garden.

"Erik?", he said and smiled as the other man turned around and saw grace. "Happy birthday."

He gently gave her to Erik and then showed him the adoption documents, that would make Erik legally a parent of Grace.

* * *

Erik didn't know how to react to the papers Charles had just shown him, so he sat there holding Grace while tears fell down his face and he stared at the document.

He blinked many times, trying to push the tears away, and then he looked up at Charles with his mouth half open.

"I know" Charles said leaning down and hugging Erik, he was gentle because Grace was between their bodies, and he stayed like that for a while. Erik's hand was caressing his daughter's hair while his forehead was leaning on his fiancé's shoulder.

"Thank you, thank you" he whispered "I love you both so much. You're my family."

Charles pulled away smiling and gave Erik a peck on the lips, and then used his hands to dry Erik's tears.

"She looks so adorable with that ribbon" Erik laughed and stared at their daughter with adoration "She really does" Charles agreed, before kissing Erik on the forehead and leaning down to do the same with their daughter. Erik felt incredibly happy and proud of his family.

* * *

"I hope you like my little surprise", Charles whispered, because they were already surrounded by curious students who want to take a glimpse of Grace.

She looked around happily, grabbing into the air.

"Can I hold her?" "She is so cute" "Is she a mutant too?" everyone was asking the question at the same time and Charles worried that it would be too much for her.

"Stop everything for a minute!", Charles said and everything went quiet except Erik and Grace.

"You should get her out of here", he said to Erik in a worried tone.

* * *

"Meet me upstairs?" Erik asked and Charles nodded with a grin.

He got up from the chair, his arms around Grace and one hand still clutching the documents and got closer to Charles "I love it. You know how much this means to me" he said, wanting to kiss the other man breathless, but deciding to do it later.

He gave Charles his sharky smile and left the garden, his daughter giggling at nothing and him looking at her like the fool in love he was.

When he got to her room, he rocked her around, singing a german lullaby while she stared at his eyes, a toothless smile on her face.

Charles found them a little later, still doing the same, and Erik looked at him while he still sang. He stopped for a second to mouth a 'I love you' and then went back to the lullaby, while the other man sat on the cream colored chair and watched them with a loving expression.

* * *

Later they put Grace into their bed between their bodies. She was still asleep and Charles smiled at her, caressing her head.

"You need to sign the papers", he gently said, looking up and meeting Erik's eyes.

"We have time to do that tomorrow", Erik answered and kissed Charles gently.

They were finally officially becoming their own small family.

**Time Stamp 2**

**Becoming a family**

When Moira's maternity leave was about to be over, she approached Charles and Erik to talk about Grace's future.

She had decided she wanted to go back to work. Being a single mother was too much, she didn't want to give up her work or the rest of her life, even though she did love her child so very much.

Moira was going to go back to work in the next month, and she told them both that she found a great daycare that wasn't very far from her place and she could drop their baby there before going and pick her up right after. Grace wasn't even a year old yet and just the idea of letting someone else take care of her, was enough to break their hearts.

Erik assured Charles they could do it at home, and so, the three of them decided Grace was moving in the mansion. She would live there with Charles and Erik, and Moira would pick her up every other weekend.

On the month before their little girl moved in, they started working out new schedules, where one of them would be teaching while the other one would be taking care of her, they would be intercalating the days and even though it sounded really tiring, they knew it was worth it. They even set aside a few periods where both could be with her at the same time.

When the day finally came, they had stuffed the mansion with all baby products they could think of, not wanting to miss anything. They had put a rug on her room, because now she was already crawling, and had changed many things of place, so she couldn't reach them and hurt herself when she stood up. She wasn't quite walking yet, but she moved a lot and everything catched her eyes and curiosity.

She was already eating solid food - with the help of a liquefier - and so they would have to cook her meals separately, with all the nutrients she needed and then transform it all into a pulp. They had covered every little detail so that Grace could be safe, healthy and happy, and even though they felt nervous about her moving in, they were more excited than anything.

Charles felt her presence along with Moira's and they both rushed down the stairs to see their little girl.

"Hey Prinzessin" Erik said when he saw her, and Charles picked her up. Grace smiled at them "Can you send papa a kiss?" the other man asked and she put her chubby hand over her lips. It wasn't the right gesture, but they knew she meant it and it was enough to melt their hearts.

"What about daddy?" Erik asked and she repeated it, giggling, her huge blue eyes blinking slowly like she was winking at him with them both.

* * *

Charles heart was melted and running through his whole body, warming every little piece of him. Grace was just the cutest human being on earth, no doubts.

"Goodbye hun", Moira said, her eyes full of tears but she was still wearing a smile. She kissed Grace's head and waved goodbye to Erik and Charles as she walked away.

"Let's take her inside", Charles said and Erik agreed. They carried Grace inside the almost empty building, since the students had two weeks off and most of them got to spend time with their families.

Just when they stood in the main hall, a very energetic ball babbling in Erik's arms, they realised that they couldn't put her to bed now.

"How about we play outside then? In the sandbox?", Erik suggest. "Good idea!"

So they walked outside again, the summer sun warming their skin, but the sandbox was placed underneath a tree, so the sun wouldn't hurt Grace' skin.

Erik carefully set her into the sandbox and both man sat on the small border next to her. She was crawling and grabbing the sand happily, making cute little noises.

* * *

Grace was having fun with the sand, making Charles and Erik laugh and look at each other, sharing happy smiles.

She suddenly looked up to Erik and reached out with her small hand, opening and closing it, like she was calling him to get closer. He immediately crawled inside the sandbox, not caring he was getting as dirty as she was.

He was barking at her and pretending he was a dog while he got closer and sanked his teeth lightly to her belly, making Grace laugh loudly, her baby giggles filling the air around them and their hearts with joy.

He let her fall gently behind, holding her head and making her lie down, while his long fingers tickled her sides and she kept on laughing, her bright blue eyes filling with tears.

Charles was laughing too, but suddenly he held on a breath, making Erik look up worried. What he saw though, was marvellous.

* * *

Flowers started spreading around Erik and Grace. Small flowers in different colors, all looking beautifully.

Charles knew that it must have been Grace doing that and his eyes filled with tears.

"What an extraordinary gift", he breathed and touched one flower tenderly.

"It is. It fits her", Erik smiled and got into a sitting position again.

"I have never seen a mutant developing their powers this early", Charles said, still taken from the small flowers that Grace was now playing with.

"Me neither. But she has one of the most powerful mutants as a father. She is something special."

Charles blushed and gave Erik a small smile. Maybe he was right, maybe not. It didn't matter, 'cause Charles loved her the same anyway.

"She is starting to look tired now. Surely using her powers like that must have exhausted her", Charles then realised and watched Grace crawling towards Erik again.

* * *

"We should give her a bath before going to sleep, though" Erik said and picked their daughter up, leaving the sandbox, and going back inside the house again.

Charles gave Grace the bath while Erik picked up a beautiful purple pajama for her, with drawings of smiley bananas.

When the other man came out of the bathroom holding Grace with her body wrapped with her Minnie towel, Erik came closer and picked her up, starting to dry her and dress her up.

Every time she blinked, her eyes would stay closed for longer, and she was yawning every second.

She started getting sleepier, and Erik watched her with awe. When he carried her again, she looked straight at Charles and mumbled a little, making them both jump. "Did that-" Charles started not being able to finish his sentence. "That sounded a lot like 'papa'" Erik said to him, smiling widely and letting the other man pick her up and kiss her face.

"Say it again, Grace. Papa. Papa" he urged her, but her head fell to his shoulder and she was already falling asleep.

Erik came closer and kissed Charles' lips, sighing happily into it.


End file.
